


Sanctuary

by Jewelle32



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Comfort, Fear, Guilt, Incest/Rape, M/M, Protective Negan, Scary Negan, Self-Loathing, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Rape/Non-con, hostage, survival guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-12-10 17:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 67,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewelle32/pseuds/Jewelle32
Summary: Negan hits the jackpot when he punishes Rick by killing his people and taking his children as hostages. He intends to fully punish Carl for murdering 2 of his men in a suicidal stunt but then he stumbles upon a secret that shocks even him.Meanwhile, Carl wonders what his captor plans to do to him and he fears that nothing is out of bounds. Especially as Negan forces him to sleep in his bedroom with him at night.How will Negan 'punish' him? Something worse than death?AU spin off from my story Unbelievable which takes place when Carl is between 14 and 18  and I recommend you read that first as the back story but it’s not necessary. Here, he's 16.  You can pick up the general gist here. Carl isn’t blinded in one eye and Rick is an evil man. But is Negan worse than him? You decide. Haven’t quite caught up with all the episodes containing Negan and the Saviours so may apply artistic license in some parts. Sorry, if this makes some people unhappy but I have put warnings here.





	1. Hostage

Negan grabbed Carl by the scruff of his shirt and practically threw him into his bedroom, the best one in the house, of course complete even with a sofa-bed. Luckily, the boy landed on his big soft double bed but even so, the small wince that passed over his features didn’t escape the eagle-eyed leader of the Saviours.  
‘You in some serious shit, boy.’ He strode over and deliberately loomed over him intimidatingly.  
Still, the kid didn’t seem cowed. The opposite in fact – furious.  
‘You killed Glen and my friends!’ He screamed up at him fearlessly. Right into his face in fact. ‘I hate you!’ Terror, grief and exhaustion had made him revert to childhood.  
Negan chuckled indulgently and that was when Carl realised that the man was totally bat-shit crazy if he didn’t before.  
‘And you, my little serial killer killed 2 of my men. Your daddy killed 50 of mine before that. Think I’ve been merciful, don’t you? But don’t worry, I’m not going to show you any. You being the son of my arch-enemy and all.’ He chuckled crazily again. He got up from the bed and picked up his bloody weapon still covered in chunks of his friends’ flesh that was leaning on the doorframe.  
That got him. Negan watched with satisfaction as the kid grew pale as curdled milk.  
‘Where’s my sister? Please don’t hurt her.’  
‘She’s safe for now. But that mostly depends on how her big brother behaves himself.’  
He coldly replied and got up in his captive’s space by climbing onto the bed with him, causing the latter to scramble back against the wall. But he still didn’t touch him again but waved brain-spattered Lucille tauntingly close to his face.  
Carl steeled himself not to vomit or flinch away.  
‘What are you going to do to me? You gonna kill me?’ The youth’s icy-blue eyes looked into his fearlessly. Like he wasn’t afraid to die. Only afraid for his baby sister. Strange. Negan filed away that little detail for later.  
‘Eventually. But before that, we can have some fun, what do you say? After all, I need you alive awhile to make sure your daddy behaves himself.’ He laid Lucille down gently on a chair near the bed, leaving it blood-stained where the boy could see it.  
But he refused to look at it. Instead he yelled, ‘We’ll kill all of you!’ Carl didn’t allow himself to even think of what kind of ‘fun’ the sick fuck had planned for him.  
Negan chuckled and put on a teacherly voice. ‘You know I have to punish you, don’t you, Carl? I can’t be seen to be weak. What do you think I should do to you for killing my men? What would be fair punishment for murder, do you think?’  
Carl shrugged but Negan didn’t miss the fear in his eyes.  
‘Should I use Lucille on you?’ He pointed at he on the chair.  
Negan smiled and to his immense surprise, the kid drew in a sharp breath at that did a sudden about turn in attitude as the fire left him and was replaced by a wary fear in his piercing blue eyes.  
Eyes that had seen too much for one his age and full of suffering, Negan thought and felt something stir below his belt. Beautiful, baby blue eyes.  
‘I’ll let you do anything you want but just but please don’t hurt Judith. Has she been fed? She’ll be hungry…’ Again, a strange turn of phrase that went unnoticed by Negan at the time.  
Carl’s body slumped in a submissive gesture as he (unconsciously?) exposed his bare throat to his captor by turning his head to the side. Just like he did with Rick to stop him getting too rough but obviously it didn’t work a couple of nights ago.  
‘That an offer, sweetheart?’ He leered back at him, unable to resist interpreting the boy’s words the way he wanted because Negan to had to admit it made him hard. This was too much. He’d have to take an ice-cold shower if he couldn’t get his dick back under control.  
And he was pleased to see tears appear at the corner of his little rebel’s eyes before he looked down at the bed covers in shame. Yet Negan didn’t clock the significance of his reaction at the time.  
‘You cryin’? What a little pussy. I have to say I’m disappointed in you, son... Very disappointed.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘After your blaze of glory earlier when you opened that truck and gunned down 2 of my men…my best soldiers, in fact…’  
‘Fuck you! And I’ll do worse!’ The gangly beanpole spat in his face and ran for the door.  
Negan put in a furious expression when really he was amused but he couldn’t let this show of defiance go unpunished. So, he grabbed his young prisoner and slammed him against the wall. Carl hissed in pain.  
‘Door’s locked, you little moron and only I got the key!’ He yelled in his face and grabbed him by the arm. Carl’s wince and scream of pain when he slammed him back a little harder than the first time seemed too much. After all, Negan wasn’t hurting him, not really. Not like the little serial killer deserved.  
He didn’t even know himself what he intended to do with him- he had been looking forward to pondering his punishment later but now the little brat had forced his hand early with this little futile confrontation with him.  
‘What the fuck? I barely touched you!’ Irritated, he shook him forcefully by the shoulder and again he made another sound of pain. Somehow, the boy’s shirt also rucked up, giving him an eyeful of blue and back bruises on his torso.  
Despite the fact that they were mortal enemies and he really shouldn’t give a fuck about Rick’s brat since he was only going to keep him alive as long as he was useful; Negan felt a shudder of rage and disgust as his arousal quickly faded away. His mind was already thinking of the most drawn out, sadistic payback at the piece of shit who had hurt his little serial killer. He wondered at his own protectiveness.  
Or was it possessiveness because somebody had got there first? Because Carl was his now. Yet his reaction was only an echo of the person he used to be – literally in another life. Everybody who was still alive was living a second life.  
‘Let me see.’ He motioned with his head – indicating that Carl should lift up his T-shirt. The young man only shook his head.  
‘You saying ‘No’ to me, boy? I said let me SEE!’ His captor ordered him and it reminded Carl of his dad Rick when he was angry and he hurriedly obeyed.  
Carl went red and lifted it up, revealing more dark, purplish spots slowly turning to blue.  
‘No, take it off! And your shorts.’  
‘Please…Don’t…’ Carl shrank in fear back against the wall.  
Negan raised his eyebrows and paused. Had the abuse only been physical? He knew he had flirted with and teased the boy – more to unnerve him than anything else. And because it was fun. But the way the kid reacted- terrified of just being partly undressed. As if he’d told him to strip naked.  
‘Calm the fuck down, Princess. ‘  
Carl’s lower lip trembled when he called him by that name and he looked down at the floor.  
Someone’s broke this kid, he thought to himself furiously.  
‘I mean I only want to check you over, nothin’ else. You can keep your underwear on… Jesus!’  
Why was he talking to him like that? Reassuring him when he should be making him pay for what he had done?  
Should be making him hurt.  
But then again, someone had hurt him enough already.  
Carl blushed furiously and looked up at him pleadingly. Negan cocked an eyebrow and mockingly turned his back.  
‘OK.’ The kid sighed resignedly when he was ready.  
Negan couldn’t suppress the gasp when he saw the kid’s front.  
‘Turn around.’ Carl’s back was worse, if anything than his chest, stomach and with one arm with a lot more marks – looked like bruises in in the shape of handprints - than the other one.  
Fuck. I got me damaged goods. Now I got to waste time fixin’ him.  
The Sanctuary leader could barely pick out a patch of unmarred skin on the kid’s torso and wondered briefly if his men had been responsible when his back was turned.  
But he hadn’t taken taken the boy out out of his sight. Had kept his prize trophy – Rick’s son- close to him at all times except when he locked him in there and only he had the key.  
Besides, most of the fading bruises were at least 2 or 3 days old. Some were yellow- even older. Bruises at different stages of healing – suggesting that the abuse was pretty regular and not a one-off skirmish with enemies.  
‘Yeah. Just what I thought.’ The leader voiced his thoughts aloud while he eyed the dark bluish patches of skin between the young boy’s thighs in revulsion. Of course. Gutless coward likes to hit where it doesn’t show, he thought.  
Negan personally liked to hit what could hit him back in a fight.  
‘Can I put my clothes on back now, now?’ Carl asked a little shakily, not meeting his eyes.  
Negan couldn’t understand his own feelings of outrage on the kid’s behalf. So he nodded and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Carl heard running water but no flush from the toilet.  
‘Who did that to you, Carl?’ He asked him softly after the boy had blushing and shamefacedly hurried to conceal his injuries and he’d re-entered the room.  
His young hostage shook his head in misery. ‘What do you care? You’re only going to kill me or do worse yourself.’ He neatly evaded the question.  
Negan sighed. ‘Yes, I am.’ He bluntly agreed with genuine regret. He honestly liked this spunky little stranger who had his daddy’s eyes. Reminded him of Rick – an enemy he respected until he found out his dark, little secret.  
Or had he?  
You don’t know who did that to him for sure. Can you imagine ‘decent and upright’ ex-Sheriiff Rick harming a hair on one of the heads of his children? Rick? Really?  
It was like Rick was his reverse-negative – the other side of the same picture.  
Who else was it then if not Daddy? He mused. But without amusement.  
‘Then why don’t you just kill me?...Do it now – get it over with.’  
Carl honestly didn’t know what was worse – going back to his deranged father or having his death drawn out with Negan tormenting him until he decided to put him out of his misery. Never knowing when or how it was going to happen.  
Would Negan hurt him like his father did before he killed him? He prayed not. He hadn’t so far even when he was provoked but didn’t mean he wouldn’t. He’d only just arrived at the Sanctuary barely hours ago and been given a drink on arrival (he’d been so thirsty after the hot drive that he hadn’t even considered poison but it turned out to be fine) and been shown to this room. Negan had locked him in then and told to wait so there was still plenty of time for Negan to play.  
After all, he’d promised him unspecific punishment, together with vaguely threatening sexual innuendos.

Negan for his part frowned. Had the abuse made Carl no longer care about living – uncharacteristically selfish and unthinking about the little sister he would be leaving behind in his hated captor’s bloody grasp?  
He knelt down in front of the boy. ‘Who’s been hurting you, son?’ He asked him again, softly this time.  
Carl didn’t answer – only his lower lip trembled and he turned away for a moment. He was almost thrown off by this different Negan revealing itself.  
‘Come on, tell Daddy Negan.’ Carl flinched at that one word even though Negan was at his gentlest. Coaxing him as if Carl was 6 instead of about 10 years older.  
Daddy Negan? Carl’s reaction to that word hadn’t escaped him even as the prisoner eyed him suspiciously to check that he wasn’t being mocked. Fuck!, he thought to himself, It was Rick the Saint. How long had it been going on? Did the rest of the group know and condone what was happening? But judging by the boy’s stubborn silence and the strategic places the sick bastard had hit him – they didn’t.  
And where the fuck had those words come from? He was as far as being his daddy as a wolf to the lamb. Embarrassed but far from being about to admit this slip, Negan waited patiently for an answer. But there was none forthcoming. Had he really expected the boy to spill his guts to someone he hated? Because Carl is protecting his daddy. Must still love him. Not so perfect after all, are you, Rick? Have you been hurting him more than just with your fists, you sick fuck?

Where the hell did that thought come from? There was a world between beating and that…that other thing. Both were nasty as hell though and sometimes went together, one following the other….  
I’m going to enjoy killing you for it and taking your son from you and making you know it before you die. Watching the light go out of your eyes, knowing…..  
Knowing what?  
Negan got out of his own head and came back to the present. ‘Maybe you don’t want to talk about right now and that’s fine. But you WILL tell me soon.’ He planned to take him to the Infirmary after dinner – get him checked out.  
‘Come ‘ere.’ Negan pulled him to him after he locked the door behind him and dropped he key in his pocket, even though Carl flinched and tried to pull away at first.  
‘Don’t be stupid, boy.’ Negan hissed into his ear. ‘It’s for your own safety.’  
Carl suddenly understood what he was getting at, recalling the murderous looks from Negan’s men. Of course, he was naïve and stupid, thinking that he – the son of the enemy’s leader who had tried to slaughter them but had only managed to kill 2 but they were apparently Negan’s best men would be greeted with open arms. Even now he felt their hostile stares boring through him as they made their way to the canteen and could hear their inaudible, angry mutterings. Carl went limp and allowed the leader to manhandle him.  
‘Good boy. It’s all to show ‘em that you’re mine.’ He chuckled filthily and smirked down at him.  
What the hell does he mean by that? Rick also called him his when he hurt him and he hated it.  
I’m not yours! Or his! I’m mine!... I’m me! Carl screamed furiously.  
But only in his head. Instead, he bit back, ‘Fuck you!’ Luckily, he whisper-shouted it and none of the others heard. Still, he braced himself for the inevitable blow on his already aching and battered body but none was forthcoming. Only a playful chuckle and a gentle shake.  
Negan leered at him then like a pantomime villain and Carl grew terrified that it meant that Daddy Negan was going to assert his ownership over him in the same way his father did as soon as he got him alone.  
Why do I always have to belong to someone? Why is it always some old bastard?  
‘Now I may have to say and do things in front of them that may offend my pretty little Princess. But don’t take it personally. It’s for your own good.’ The old bastard lectured him.  
‘I won’t.’ Carl hissed bordering on sarcasm, furious at being called ‘Princess’ again. The man’s jibes were really starting to irritate the hell out of him but at least it distracted him from his fear of the psycho.  
He can’t be worse than Dad – he can’t.  
But he knew deep inside that that was a lie.  
How could he expect mercy from a man who lived to invent new ways to torture and punish his own people. Not just his enemies. They’d all heard the rumours before how Negan ‘ironed’ his people’s faces if they displeased him.  
And now Carl had just disrespected him to his face. The big man had laughed it off in public but would make him pay for it later.  
For sure.  
Would he make him pay for it later in bed? His tortured mind went on to draw pictures of him being handcuffed, maybe with Negan and more of his men violating him in several different ways all at the same time. But Negan calling him ‘his’ and keeping his possessive grip on him like he was now seemed to make the latter image unlikely.  
At least.  
Stop it! He hasn’t hurt you yet – not really. Only roughed you up a little but he wouldn’t have if he knew how beat up you were…You saw the sorry in his eyes – he just couldn’t say it, was all. 

Carl repressed a tremble, not wanting Negan to feel it. The last thing he wanted was to show fear to the evil tyrant who had killed his friends and enslaved the rest of his family.  
He bowed his head submissively – playing the part he had been given as Negan yanked him over to the buffet-like dinner.  
Everybody immediately stopped what they were doing at their appearance and kneeled before Negan.  
He raised his arms and lowered them in a gesture of blessing. ‘You may carry on eating.’  
They got up and went back to their tables.  
‘Thank-you, Lord Negan.’ They spoke in perfect unison and it was as creepy as hell. Also, one of the coolest things he’d ever seen.  
Like he’s their god or something, Carl was thinking in admiration as he witnessed this before he felt guilty. Stop that, he corrected himself. He’s a murdering psychopath with an obvious God-complex who beat your friends to death.  
Despite his fear and anger, Carl’s eyes grew wide at the variety of food on display there. Stolen food, his mind whispered. That people like his group died for. Don’t eat it. Yet he felt his stomach grumble. Peaches. With delicious sugary syrup! No doubt out of a can but when had been the last time he’d had them?  
And not just chicken but what looked like lamb! Potatoes three ways – mash, roasted and boiled with different sauces! And carrots, cabbage, peas and fried beans and salad and even dainty little cup-cakes…  
When he’d had an appetite – not often lately – he’d daydreamed about food like this. But it made him think of his sister.  
‘Whose feeding Judith?’  
‘Don’t you worry about that. She’s being taken care of.’  
‘Can I see her?’  
‘Maybe. Depends on how you behave. Go on, kid. Take your fill, don’t be shy.’ The man gave him a gentle push, carefully avoiding his bad upper arm and shoulder where Rick had pinned him down last time with all his weight and this was not lost on the teen.  
Carl could feel all the Saviours’ eyes on him as they watched him sullenly in silence, making his appetite suddenly flee.  
‘Got something to say, people?’ Negan waved Lucille round. Carl stared. He’d completely forgotten about the brain-beating weapon…when had it been cleaned? The psycho carried it around with him everywhere.  
Then he remembered that Negan went into the bathroom while he was putting his clothes back on. He must have cleaned it in there.  
There was a nervous silence as people resumed eating.  
Carl piled his plate high, earning some annoyed and hateful looks but he ignored them.  
‘Go get some cake.’ Negan ordered him straight after he finished.  
‘No, I got enough, really…’  
‘Do what I say. You need fattening up – ain’t nothin’ but skin and bones and that ain’t gonna keep me warm at night.’ He announced this loudly, and gave him a lascivious smile, drawing looks.  
Carl stared at him in horror until he winked discreetly. ‘Remember what I said, kiddo?’ He whispered and raised his fist if to hit him. Carl smirked.  
‘Play along!’ He hissed in his ear. ‘I was the one who beat the crap out of you, remember?’ Carl nodded very, very slightly.  
‘No, please don’t hit me again, Negan. It really hurts!’ He suddenly yelled cravenly and drew back, hating himself for acting that way but now he understood that it was for his own survival. His and Judith’s. Maybe- just maybe- the Saviours would be less likely to hurt them if they thought Negan had already punished him – was still punishing him.  
Negan laughed at this pathetic display and some of the others - mostly men including one creep called Spencer - also chuckled.  
‘What?’ Negan looked round and glared at them suddenly. Some of the women and older folk looked at him with open anger and disgust but he ignored them. ‘Anyone got somethin’ to say to Lucille?’ He raised her and waved here around.  
They shook their heads and quickly neutralised their expressions.  
He preferred to have them fear him if he couldn’t have their love and he knew he couldn’t have all…maybe before but not now. It was one or the other.  
‘Come here.’ He grabbed his young hostage roughly and pulled up his shirt while Carl breathed ‘No’ and fought him. Did no good though.  
Everyone was staring at him, even the ones who had been staring blue murder at him seemed a little shocked. Carl guessed that they probably wouldn’t notice that most of the bruises were old and not so recent.  
‘See, already punished him for what he did. But gonna get my fun out of him before I kill him and his Daddy both.’ He laughed evilly and grabbed him round the neck and shook him like a dog. ‘Can’t wait to see the look on Rick’s face when I tell him how I used his precious son.’  
Nervous laughs – most of them sounding uneasy and insincere.  
Carl struggled to free himself and Negan unceremoniously dumped him on the floor. Humiliated, he curled up in a ball, telling himself that acting like a pussy was part of the act. He considered weeping for full effect to show that Negan had fully broken him but didn’t want to go that far.  
Besides, he had already proved himself to them and to be honest, he didn’t give a shit about what any of them thought.  
‘He’s mine now and if any of you are thinking of getting your own revenge on him when my back’s turned, better think again.’  
To emphasise this, Negan laid Lucille down on his back with the lightest of touches. Lucky – it was clean.…Carl couldn’t bear the thought of his shirt being covered in his friends’ blood – Abraham’s and especially Glen’s.  
Not Glen’s. Please… That memory nearly made him cry for real this time. Maybe if Daryl and Merle had been there, they would have stood a chance but he knew that was impossible. Instead, he pushed all the pain and the guilt down, down, down.  
‘This little wannabe serial killer is mine to punish and use anyway I want. Don’t worry, I’ll make the boy hurt enough for all of us.’  
He turned to said ‘boy’. ‘Now go get some fuckin’ cake. And salad while you’re there. Don’t want you getting sick and ruining my fun.’  
Carl reluctantly picked himself up with all eyes on him – some murderous, some sympathetic and walked over to the salad bar and then picked up a pink-frosted cupcake.  
Who the fuck makes these? And where do they get the ingredients? If that cupcake ain’t proof of me being a fuckin’ queer, then I don’t know what is. He chuckled bitterly to himself, thinking he should really be shit-scared of Negan after all of this but surprisingly, he was pretty calm. Like I’m on Valium or something. He just told them he’s gonna fuckin’ rape me tonight and I don’t care.  
Negan boomed out then, ‘Show’s over, people. You can go back to your troughs then get on with your work duties after. We got a lot to do.’ He grunted and grabbed his groin. ‘I got to fuck my old wives before I try my new one, hey Carl?’ He smirked down at him.  
‘No…please don’t…’ Carl drew back, ‘terrified’ while the rest of the spectators went back to focusing on eating, making no comment, cowed.  
Unbelievably, Carl found that he was still hungry like his stomach had woken up after months of picky eating. Food had been monotonous and not much of it mostly, not that he had really minded, after all, his stomach couldn’t really relax with his beloved dad. He’d been forced to be constantly on the alert for any under the table groping or whispered threats in his ear under the guise of a concerned father quietly talking to his son. Rick was a surprisingly good actor and could be telling him all the sick things he planned to do to him that night while tenderly stroking his hair with one arm reassuringly encircling him. Just like when he was little and nobody had thought anything of it. Anyway, Carl had also learnt how to be an accomplished actor – keeping his emotions in check and his face with the right expression while his father whispered his sick threats in his ear. Or touched him under the table or made him touch him there too. Especially when there was booze – the best stuff was moonshine to be had and he knew the others were drunk as they guzzled it all in one go like they were starving which most of the time, to be honest, they had been.  
Thankfully, that was a rare occasion.  
How could Rick have got away with it for 2 years? A – he was clever and B - his devoted followers didn’t want to see, that’s if they even did. Could Carl really blame them when merely surviving day to day took all their concentration? Carol and Glen and a few others had commented on him looking down but they just assumed that it was because of the loss of his friend Daryl and he did nothing to convince them otherwise. Then everyone had stopped asking whether he was feeling OK or not.  
Carl knew that he was still too slight and underweight for his height – thanks to Apocalypse malnutrition - to fight back but even if he could have, would he have? Strike his own father? His maker? Creator? He didn’t know if he could still do that, whatever Rick did to him. He guess there was still some love for the man in him deep down somewhere.


	2. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan shows his dark side and is tempted to do something that goes against his principles. Will he go through with it?

After dinner, Negan told Carl he was going to get him checked out at the infirmary.  
‘No. You don’t have to. I’m fine…’ He protested.  
‘No, you’re not. Some spineless asshole beat the living crap out of you and you won’t even tell me who it was.’  
‘But I …’  
‘Don’t argue with me, Carl. It’s bad enough that I have to let everyone think I did it.’  
‘Didn’t have to!’  
‘Yeah, I did.’  
‘Why?’  
‘Tread carefully, boy. Still haven’t decided on your punishment yet so don’t push me.’  
Negan’s voice grew deadly quiet then and Carl knew from his dad who hardly ever raised his voice that was when he was in the most danger. So, he shut up and lowered his head meekly. Sometimes it calmed his dad down when he was mad.  
…  
They entered the Infirmary and Carl had to admit that he was impressed as he glanced around the sterile, well-equipped room complete with an X-ray machine and what looked like a blood lab. Medication was piled up everywhere. The nurse – Rosalie beautiful and buxom with chestnut curly hair was arranging the bed with her ample rump sticking up provocatively in the air and Negan was reminded of how much he had desired her. But she’d refused his offer to become one of his wives.

He absent-mindedly stroked Carl’s hair when he saw him wince as he got onto it. He was so brave – hiding his pain usually but Negan had caught his fleeting grimace and responded instinctively.  
Suddenly aware of his slip – looking like he cared about the soon dead to be teenager – he suddenly dropped his hand like a hot potato.  
‘Give him a painkiller and a sedative.’  
‘But I don’t need them!’ The boy protested.

The middle-aged medic paused and looked at his leader questioningly. ‘He’s right, at least he doesn’t need sedation…’  
‘Do it anyway! I want him out of it when you check him over. That wasn’t it – Negan wanted him senseless for his own reasons but he wasn’t about to admit this to the doctor.  
‘Question me again and see what happens!’ He barked back at him and Patrck hurried to obey.  
Carl also gave up protesting, knowing that fighting back was pointless. 

‘What are you giving him?’  
‘A mild painkiller and …valium.’  
Negan immediately went to the boy’s side when he saw him hiss in pain at the needle and held his hand for the second injection of sedative.  
Patrick noticed this strange exchange but didn’t dare comment.  
‘There.’ He drew the syringe back out and cleaned the wound and put on a plaster.  
Negan got up.  
‘Now, I want the results - see if I can unwrap my new favourite little boy toy. Check him for STD’S. Can’t have any fun with it otherwise, can I?’ He chuckled filthily and leered at Carl who flinched and a look of fear and betrayal came over his features.  
‘Go to hell,’ the boy snarled at him. Was Negan serious? Was he planning to really hurt him after all? He’d heard how Negan forced captured women – the ones he liked – to be his wives and then raped them. Negan gritted his teeth and growled back and it wasn’t lost on him how the doc got in between them to shield the boy.  
‘Please don’t hurt the boy. Not like that.’ Patrick pleaded. ‘He’s just a kid.’  
‘Who is dangerous.’  
‘You’re disgusting.’ Rosalie had muttered under her breath at the same time under her breath but he heard.

Inwardly, he sighed. Another challenge to my authority which requires correction. Why do people never learn? He picked up Lucille from by the door and waved it close in front of her pretty face.  
‘What did you just say to me?’  
She turned on him. Looked about to defy him again but before she could, he had Lucille pressed against her throat. She winced in pain.  
‘Care to repeat it, you dried up dike?’  
Tears came to her eyes then and he was gratified. But he didn’t stop.  
‘Please, Negan…Don’t do this…’ The pathetic doctor Patrick was begging him again from behind him.  
‘Stay out of it or you’re next.’ He snapped not even turning around, as he continued to torture the young nurse.  
Probably he’s fucking her. She turned me down for that old goat…This thought fuelled his rage towards her.  
Carl watched the goings on with a dozy, blissful smile on his face as the drug gradually kicked in. Then his eyes closed before the action really heated up.  
‘Want to say it again, bitch?’ Negan demanded again. Of course, she couldn’t reply with Lucille pressing against her windpipe. But she could share her head which she did desperately. He pressed her spines into the woman – not enough to kill but just to draw blood and little beads were dripping down her throat forming a torrent. He knew it must hurt her but he didn’t lessen the pressure.  
He moved the modified baseball bat up further just so he could tease her luscious lips with it, drawing little ruby beads of blood from them.  
Mmmmmm how I would love to lick them off your beautiful mouth but you would never allow me to, would you, you frigid bitch?  
‘Do you know how many people Lucille has killed? Exactly 103. Think how much of their blood, guts and brains that’s still left on her because you know you can never really take blood stains out. No matter how hard you scrub…..Perfect memories of each person preserved forever…’  
Behind him, Patrick retched and vomited discretely on the floor.  
She shook her head and closed her eyes looking like she wished she had the luxury of throwing up. Her lips started bleeding in trickles now, little blood rivers making their way down her throat. He felt himself harden and ordered his dick back down.  
‘Open up. You refused to take my dick in your mouth so maybe you like Lucille better? Open up, you frigid whore.’  
She shook her head again, confused at the oxymoron while her eyes begged for mercy, obviously wishing she could speak but not being able to without opening her mouth.  
He was just about to force it in when the boy woke up loudly and screamed,’ No! Don’t hurt her!’  
Surprised, they all turned to him.  
‘Punish me instead – I deserve it!’  
Negan removed Lucille from Rosalie’s mouth and throat.  
‘Yeah, yeah, you do.’ He agreed tonelessly before he turned his glare accusingly towards the hapless doctor. ‘Thought you just gave him knock out pills?’ 

Angry on the outside, Negan inwardly sighed with relief at being interrupted. He hadn’t wanted to really mess up Rosalie’s pretty face – it was a waste of eye candy plus hot titties and there wasn’t much of that around but once he started, he had to go through with it. And now he couldn’t, not in front of the kid and because of him.  
He knew Carl would never forgive him if he did. 

Why did he need the killer brat’s forgiveness anyway? He shook his head, disturbed by his own thoughts and feelings.  
Feelings make you weak. Once you love something…can be taken away from you by your enemies.

‘I’m…I’m sorry my lord. Maybe I miscalculated the dose…’  
‘You’re lucky I don’t put you in the cage for incompetence!’ Patrick drew back a little, looking worried. To Carl, he said, ‘I’ll see you later, boy. You’re gonna pay for this insubordination.’  
Carl turned away and looked at the wall.

‘Haven’t you punished him enough?’ Rosalie croaked out, voice hoarse.  
‘Don’t you know when to shut up do you, you stupid bitch?’ Negan retorted. Even Patrick had given her a glare of warning. ‘Second and last warning.’ He told her. ‘You question me again and I’ll burn that pretty face of yours along with those lips made to suck cock that you wastefully refuse to use, you frigid bitch.’  
She grew pale and tears came into her eyes but thankfully she said nothing.  
Meanwhile, Carl winced unseen, realising he’d almost forgotten how much of a brute Negan really was. How could he have …almost started to like him? Trust him, even?

But him seeing what Rick did to him – well part of it anyway aand asking him about after months of no-one seeing- had made him feel – well, he didn’t know…that he wasn’t going crazy and that he didn’t deserve it no matter how often his dad told him he did. His dad was hurting him in more ways than one and he told him that he was to blame for his mother’s death and that he’d killed her. And she’d asked him to take care of his dad – days before she died – like she knew – she knew and…and….  
It was all true.

He’d been so stupid. So easily sucked in. So what if Negan appeared to care more about him than his own father? He’d forgotten the stunned look of shock on Glen’s face – still able to talk defiantly even with his head bashed in but only for a few, fleeting seconds. Carl didn’t know if that had been a blessing or a curse – especially for Maggie.  
Poor Maggie! He should hate Negan just for what he’d done to her. And she was pregnant!  
He prayed she and the baby were OK wherever they were. Just then his eyes closed and he drifted off as the medication kicked in for real.  
‘It’s OK.’ Patrick reassured Rosalie. ‘Just leave it. I’ll check him out then we’ll patch Carl up. He’ll be OK.’ He told Negan.  
‘Good. I want a report on him when I come back tonight at about 8pm.  
‘Yes, my lord.’  
‘Rosalie?’  
‘Yes, my lord.’ Her hoarse words echoed her colleague sullenly.  
Negan could feel the hate streaming from her without meeting her eyes.

When he turned on his heel and sauntered out, hey both breathed a sigh of deep relief when their lord and master was out of the room.  
The Doc knew with that the old bruises didn’t add up – the gentle and caring way Negan touched Carl before he remembered himself belied his brutal threats. The injuries had been inflicted at least 2 days before Carl even arrived despite what everyone who’d eaten lunch in the canteen had said….maybe Rosalie e was still shaken up. He would be surprised if she wasn’t and it was true that her mouth had swollen up and her throat had red prick marks on it. 

Patrick had debated with himself whether to send her back home but he decided not to risk it, not after pissing Negan off. He just happened to ‘drop by’ to check up on them, he would be most displeased if she wasn’t at her post doing her job.  
Whatever the reason for Negan taking the blame for the boy’s beating, Patrick wasn’t about to question him, especially after all this. They hadn’t been there to see Negan boast about punishing Carl for themselves because he and Rosalie preferred to stay away from that rat pack and eat where they worked usually or at home.  
But they heard everything.  
….  
At 8pm on the dot, Negan returned for a medical update.  
‘Well, what’s the damage?’  
Patrick sighed while Rosalie fidgeted at his side nervously, clearly longing to be anywhere Negan was not. He smirked at her and stuck out his chest. 

‘The boy’s been severely beaten – punched and kicked mostly. Ain’t the first time, neither. Regular, systematic physical abuse probably from an adult going on for months at least. No doubt they’ll be psychological scars, maybe signs of PTSD…’  
‘I know that. But is he healthy otherwise?’  
‘Appears to be. No broken bones – a couple of bruised ribs that are healing but no permanent damage. He’ll heal if he’s allowed to.’ The doc stared at him pointedly and paused.

‘Get on with it!’  
‘He’s also a little malnourished that a few hearty meals here wouldn’t sort out.’  
Well, Negan was onto that already.  
Patrick hadn’t bothered with a STD screen – he knew that Negan wasn’t being serious, just being an asshole for the fun of it. Besides, they didn’t have the facilities for that.  
‘A little TLC too.’ Patrick told him meaningfully while Rosalie remained silent and looked away. ‘Please don’t hurt him, my lord. He’s been through enough. I know that you didn’t…’  
‘What do you know?’ Negan snapped.  
Patrick stopped dead when he realised he’d gone too far. 

‘Nothing, my lord.’  
‘Make sure it stays that way if you want to keep your face.’ Rosalie flinched but deliberately kept her eyes demurely downcast.  
Who do you think it was? Patrick badly wanted to ask but didn’t dare. He knew that it was usually the father or an older family member. He hoped that Negan would hurt the bastard as badly as he made Carl hurt. Even if it was against the Hippocratic Oath.  
‘Good. I’ll take him now.’ Negan bent down to pull down the covers and scoop up the sleeping boy.  
The doctor looked at him worriedly. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea...but if you want to, it should be OK.’  
The truth was that Negan couldn’t bear to sleep without him. He wondered again at his feelings for the boy.  
‘Glad I got your approval, doc.’ He retorted a little sarcastically as he started to leave with Carl in his arms.  
He put him to bed on the sofa back in their room and pulled the cover up to his chin. Funny how it had become ‘their’ room in his mind.  
The drugged boy never woke up. Seemed like he needed to sleep through his ordeal. Negan found himself kissing his forehead but then he took a double-take. 

No! It was wrong. It was sick. He was no paedo. If he did it, it would make him no better than the kid’s twisted fuck of a father.  
But the boy was simply irresistible.  
Negan slowly reached down to pull Carl’s cover down.


	3. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, is Negan going to hurt Carl? Brave Carl’s already been through so much, poor boy. Hopefully, Negan will heal him rather than hurt him more so that ‘Sanctuary’ becomes a true refuge for Rick’s kids away from him.
> 
> I have to say, I hate Rick in my story although I love his character in TWD. I just wanted to do something different that most people wouldn’t expect. I love to hate him, ha ha.

Negan sighed, acknowledging the fact that he was minimum a little tipsy otherwise he would no way be going anywhere near the kid. He’d got good at hiding the state of inebriation as he drank more and more.   
Fuck knows what had got into his head when he ordered the doc to sedate him and waste precious medicine on a prisoner. Had it all been just for this? He drew the cover past the boy’s knees but just then Carl muttered in his sleep.  
Negan paused – waiting to see if he would wake up but he settled back down again.   
‘Good boy.’ He mumbled and soothed back the kid’s hair. ‘Just let me…’  
What was he going to do? Negan himself didn’t know.   
He gently lifted up the corner of his shirt. ‘Only gonna check you over. See if the bruises are healin’.’ He told the sleeping kid.  
Maybe Carl heard because he turned on his side, facing away from him.  
That didn’t put the man off as he gently insisted on pulling up his pyjama top.   
‘Shh…No need to be scared. Ole Daddy Negan ain’t gonna hurt you.’ But he hissed when he saw the bruises even though he’d seen them before. He was entranced while he felt himself harden even more.   
‘Fuckin’ bastard.’ He hissed. He couldn’t wait until he healed up. Negan bet his skin was as soft and smooth as a girl’s – he could see that without touching the uninjured skin.   
‘Now don’t you wake up.’ Negan ordered him as he started to turn him on his back. ‘I won’t hurt you that way.’ He told himself only looking wasn’t hurting.   
He was lying to himself.   
Carl stirred and mumbled causing his captor to paused and wait but then he fell asleep straightaway again.  
The adult breathed a sigh of relief and started to tug Carl’s pants down to expose his small but rounded buttocks – luckily without marks.  
Negan gasped with need and unzipped his belt. ‘Don’t worry, baby. Negan’ll do it gentle, I ain’t like your Daddy. You won’t even remember it in the mornin’.’ He wondered how when he didn’t even have any lube. Should he go and find some? But his dick wasn’t going to wait…felt like he was going to come right in his pants if he didn’t get some action soon.  
He spat on his hand and lined it up to Carl’s hole but just then the boy cringed away – he couldn’t risk warming him up first. ‘No, please, Daddy don’t. It hurts!’  
Carl sounded about 10 years old just then and he felt all his lust just vanish. Merely the pain in his voice was enough to make him stop.   
Fuck. What’s wrong with me? I’m sick! Negan jerked back immediately and sat back on his bed with his pants around his ankles. I nearly…I nearly…fucked him!  
I nearly raped a drugged, under-aged abused boy! Makes me no better than Rick! I don’t fuck kids!  
Was he awake? Did he know what I was about to do to him? Had he heard...? He’ll hate me for sure and never be mine….  
Negan knew that if he hurt Carl, he could ‘force’ him to be his, but he would never be his really.   
He listened intently, with his own heart jackhammering in his chest but the boy went back to sleep again after a short while. Negan could hear him snore quietly. Of course – he was - he was sedated.   
He shook his head. I nearly…I nearly…Fuck! I didn’t mean those things I said – was just to fuck with him …Kid can’t sleep in here but he can’t sleep anywhere else either. Can’t trust myself with him but what other choice do I have?  
Maybe I should just cut my own dick off? He quietly chuckled at himself with no mirth.  
Sickened by himself, he exclaimed, ‘Fuck’ before he went back to his own bed and held his head in his hands.  
He felt dirty and guilty as hell. What the fuck had he been about to do? It had been like his mind was on auto-pilot like it often seemed to be with Carl.  
What is this kid doing to me? He asked himself and not for the first time. Just then, Negan made a mental vow.   
To never get into temptation with him again. After all, it wasn’t like he could keep him – he would have to kill him one day soon. He shouldn’t get too attached.  
But the kid was lying there half-naked. If he woke up like that, he would know…Might even think Negan had…  
The older man went over and rearranged him as was a quietly as he could. Luckily, the kid didn’t wake up and Negan couldn’t help himself when he a stroked his cheek (in a fatherly way, he hoped) and drew the cover back over him.  
‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered. ‘You know I would never…. punish you... not like that.’  
But even as he spoke he knew it was a lie.  
Yet Carl even smiled in his sleep as if he believed him.  
‘Go back to sleep, son.’ He soothed his hair off his face. ‘I’m sorry for touching you and I promise I’ll never lose control like that ever again.’  
Another lie.   
He strode out of the room quietly and locked the boy in. He had other things to do.   
…  
Carl woke up and yawned with his bladder full. It was 11.23 pm.  
Then he noticed that Negan wasn’t there. He listened for sounds coming from the bathroom but there weren’t any of them either.  
He didn’t understand his sudden feeling of panic.   
Or loss either.  
He knew he should be glad the asshole was gone but he felt lonely instead. He thought about getting up and seeing if the door was open but he knew the psycho would have used his key to stop him from going anywhere. No point trying. Besides, he’d be safer in their room than outside it.   
Yet, his first night in the Sanctuary was the first good sleep he’d had in a long time except for a peculiar nightmare about his dad. Bad dreams about his father, considering what he was doing to him, weren’t unusual but this one was.  
Because when he told he told him to stop – Rick had got off him straightaway without punching him for it and that had hardly ever happened. He’d even felt him pressing hard against his backside but then he was suddenly gone.   
It had all been strangely realistic.  
Weird.   
Then he remembered Negan had ordered him to be sedated.   
Why? So, Carl could get a good night’s sleep?   
Carl had seen and gone through too much to think that was the reason. Then he recalled the thinly-veiled sexual threats the bastard had made against him in the Infirmary.   
Still, would he? Could he really do that to him?   
He shuddered.  
Yet he’d been so outraged on his behalf about his bruises…why would he hurt him even worse?  
But what about what he’d seen him do to Rosalie?  
Don’t think about that or the dream, he told himself. You’d know if he had…it would be hurting – bleeding at least, just like most times after dad…  
He couldn’t keep in the quiet sob that wanted to emerge from him.  
Fuck Dad! Don’t wanna think about that evil bastard either!  
Thinking about Rick made tears come into his eyes and he wiped them angrily away. Then, on shaky legs, he went to the bathroom and checked himself over.  
No more bruises or new places that hurt. No blood on the toilet paper either.  
Nope, he didn’t. He breathed a deep sigh of relief and slid down the tiled wall. Just a fucked-up dream about Dad then. He felt like crying when he realised how easily his dear old dad could get to him even when he wasn’t there in person.  
He hugged himself into a ball and sobbed into his arms. 

At least he could cry when Negan wasn’t around. 

…..  
A few hours later Negan came back from wherever he’d been to check on Carl who was peacefully sleeping and go to bed himself.   
Can’t stay here…not with the boy.   
Besides, he knew that there wasn’t going to be any more sleep for him tonight, at least not until he got his dick serviced.   
He glanced at the bedroom alarm-clock. 11 pm. It was late but some of his ‘wives’ would still be in and ready for a little fun.   
More of his minions including Randy, the chef knelt on the floor as he passed them. He gave them a perfunctory nod.   
As he entered his ‘harem’ – a suite of silkily furnished bedrooms where most of his wives came to have aroll in the hay with him so to speak - including an ante-room complete with rose-coloured sofas and armchairs furnished with plump pillows. As he expected, only the pint-sized brunette Maria (captured recently) with her small, lithe Hispanic body and blonde Elsie with her big titties and broad child-bearing hips were there. Although it looked like the latter had been sleeping while her counterpart was reading a romantic novel. He recalled fondly how wantonly Maria had thrown herself at him but Elsie had needed more ‘courting’ before she finally agreed.  
If his women were in the harem and not in their rooms, it went without saying that they were prepared and willing to fulfil his needs.  
…  
They stared at him.   
Don’t worry, ladies, there’s plenty of Negan to go around. He chuckled out loud at this thought.  
He had the libido of a mountain goat. He knew his ‘assets’ and his skills in the bedroom were considerable enough to leave most women writhing and moaning beneath him. Besides, some of the female prisoners were horny as hell after going without for months but they wouldn’t openly admit to it. Because their boyfriend/husband had been killed/They were with strangers…blah…blah.  
The ones that weren’t traumatised by the destruction of their group, of course.  
They knelt in front of him. ‘Good evening, my lord.’ They said at the same time.   
He toyed with the idea of letting them stay in that position to pleasure him with their mouths. He had to admit seeing them like that and the power he felt over them was making him harder than ever.  
‘You may rise.’  
‘Thank-you, Lord Negan.’ They spoke again in perfect unison, keeping their eyes demurely on the ground, just like he liked.   
‘And stop that ‘Lord Negan’ shit. Had enough of it for one day.’  
‘Yes, Lor…Sorry, Negan.’  
He went and sprawled out on the nearest chair, and displayed his goods by throwing his legs wide so they could see the tent in his jeans.  
The hot little Latina took one look at his package and licked her lips in excitement but the Elsie looked at his enormous boner in disgust and turned her head away.  
What do I have to do to get a fuck around here? He thought irritably. Normally, he would not have let Elsie’s insult slide. Remember what she’s been through.   
‘Well, come on, girls. Do ya thang.’  
‘I’m going to bed.’ The blonde announced and got up.  
‘Well, why were you here in the first place?’ He asked with a smirk on his lips. ‘If you’re here, you must want me.’  
Elsie reluctantly sank back into the sofa she was sharing with her friend again. ‘I was talking to Maria and then I fell asleep. Didn’t mean to stay so long.’  
Her pal looked like she was about to say something but closed her mouth. It didn’t matter, by then he’d lost interest in her, no matter how short her skirt was or how low her neckline. It was Elsie that piqued him.   
Because Elsie was a challenge.   
‘Maria, leave us.’ He ordered her.  
‘But…’ She looked anxiously at her friend.  
Elsie looked straight ahead at a spot on the wall.  
‘Go. You’re too easy. Word of advice for future - try to act a little shy, like Elsie here. You know I like it when you ladies play a little hard to get. Makes it more…interesting.’ Negan lectured.   
Elsie gave her a startled, apologetic look but Maria shrugged her hands and left. She couldn’t understand why he was rejecting her for cold, icy Elsie.  
‘And don’t dress and act like some cheap, sex-starved little whore.’ He added after she’d closed the door behind her.   
Elsie refused to meet his eyes again but he got up over to her and gently cupped her face in hands.   
‘I hate you.’ She hissed at him and pulled away.  
‘I know.’ He put on a deliberate hang-dog expression as he nodded regretfully.  
‘You killed Johnny.’ She said bluntly with eyes that had died.  
‘Yes, I did, my love. But that didn’t stop you riding me as soon as I got back here, did it? Weren’t reluctant then. Didn’t even let me wash your husband’s blood and guts of my hands first, you wanted it so bad.’  
She gasped and he thought she was about to spit in his face. But she didn’t.  
‘So, what does that make you, do you think?’  
She looked away but her lower lip trembled. Just like Carl’s did, he thought curiously to himself.   
She swallowed hard and seemed to be on the verge of tears before he brushed her hair off her face and drew her back to him again.   
‘Sorry.’ He whispered and kissed her cheek tenderly and he drew back.  
Waiting.  
She made the first move and kissed his lips first, even as her eyes blazed with scorn and rage. He saw it a lot on his ‘wives’’ faces, especially when on the new ones that agreed to his marriage proposal and so he wasn’t deterred. Anyway, with Elsie, her hate for him seemed to fuel their passion.  
And increase their mutual pleasure.  
There ain’t nothing that turns you on than sleeping with the enemy, he thought slyly to himself. He could feel the raw hate and the heat burning off her.   
His mouth eventually found its way down her throat as he left a necklace of kisses. She arched back and moaned because he knew that whatever he did to women, they liked it.   
A lot.  
He’d bedded so many, even in his past life before he got married. And if they didn’t, he changed his technique until they did.  
She was responding to his caresses and kisses until she suddenly seemed torn. He could tell that she had been on the verge of giving in to him but when he started to undo her blouse, she shoved him away.  
But he was right back on her, trying again. ‘No, you don’t, you want me, I can tell.’   
His hands insistently but gently carried on trying to undress her.  
‘No! Stop!’ She shoved him away harder this time and he landed on his ass on the floor.   
If that had been a man who had showed him such disrespect and not one of his wives, he would have ironed out his face for him…  
‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…’ She tried to placate him too late.  
He straightened up and hid his anger behind a big grin.   
She shrank back against the sofa. ‘What…What are you going to do?’ She asked apprehensively, big, blue eyes (like the kid’s – the thought came unbidden to him then). He could never hurt someone with Carl’s eyes.   
‘What do you think I’m going to do?’  
‘Are you going to hit me?’ She asked fearfully.  
‘Now, have I ever hit any of you before? Not my wives. You said ‘No’ and that’s the end of it.’  
He sighed dramatically. ‘I’ll just have to find another hole to stick it into. One cunt or asshole is as much the same as the other, doesn’t matter which. ’Cept I prefer a younger and tighter one.’ He sneered down at her and she recoiled from his gaze.  
He didn’t tell her that although she -one of the oldest in his harem at the age of 38 – was his favourite.   
She said nothing, of course. There was nothing she could say.   
‘Now, who am I going to fuck tonight? Ain’t no one else here, they’re all sleeping. Or I got to go fuck myself, that it? Or that little boy in my room?’  
She gasped and turned pale at that. ‘I’m sorry…no, you don’t have to do that…I’ve changed my mind…’  
‘Forget it. Ain’t no problem. I’ll fix it.’  
With that, he made his way back to his room. But on the way, he went to the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of whisky from the pantry and swigged deep gulpfulls from it.   
It was their choice to ‘marry’ him and they were free to ‘separate’ from him with no ill feelings on his part. He would pick out the young and sexy women from the captives first and personally offer his hand. His main type was long hair, big tits and a good ass but he would make exceptions for a pretty face. And Maria with her bee-sting tits was a true beauty at the age of 24.   
He left the rest of the women to his men but they could take them only if they were willing.  
They rarely were. Too traumatised but some hooked up later after they got over it.   
Negan punished rapists mercilessly and some of the mixed rag-a-tag bunch of men who converted to Saviours did not know how to treat females. He hated those kinds of dirty dogs without honour – they were no men. Many had been felons in their past lives and done lots of really nasty shit. All that was forgiven and forgotten in this new life with the Saviours provided that they did not bring their old habits with them.  
‘No’ meant ‘No’, after all.   
Negan hated rape, always had. The thought of doing it made him feel physically sick and that’s why what happened with Carl shook him up so badly. Especially, as the only thing worse than a rapist in his mind was a child-rapist and that was exactly what he’d nearly become.   
Carl almost causing him to lose self-control had really thrown him.   
What was this spell he has over me? He’s just a child. 

But he wasn’t and that was just it. Especially after the End-of-the-fucking-world-that-was-a-Shitshow-anyway-so-not-worth-mourning combined with what Daddy Dearest had done to him that had to be one of the reasons why Carl beguiled him so.  
Carl wasn’t like most boys. The way he’d stood up to him…He wasn’t afraid of ‘Daddy Negan’. Not after ‘Daddy Rick’. He was so fearless yet at times, he was so …vulnerable. 

When he got back to his room, he gazed at the sleeping teen for a long time, deliberating. The booze was disabling his inhibitions and weakening his resolve.   
He hoped that it would also disable his dick.   
When he found his feet moving as if of their own will towards the sofa, he thought:  
Should never have tried to tame the snake with booze  
Didn’t work.   
The best thing that could happen would be that the booze would stop him hurting him. 

Ha – another cliff-hanger with poor Carl in the same situation as before. What do you think of my Negan? Is a complete asshole or is there some decency in him?   
Do you think Negan’s going to do it after all?


	4. Settlin' In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s going to happen? I know I’ve done it twice but I just love writing Negan struggling with his conscience and fighting temptation. Trying not to do something that is against his principles. And it makes for a good cliffhanger too. 
> 
> Ha ha! I’m bad, I know.

While Negan was still at his harem trying to seduce Elsie, Carl eventually managed to stop crying. He sniffed and got back into bed. He didn’t know why but he no longer cared so much about what his captor had planned for him as he got himself into his habitual foetal position under the covers. The fact that he wanted to say goodbye to his sister at least before Negan killed him was his last conscious thought before fell into a deep sleep that had nothing to do with the sedatives.  
….  
When Negan came back, dangerously unsatisfied and drunk, he stopped by the slumbering youth to check him again and soothed back his hair. Kid seems to be sleepin’ fine – no bad dreams at least.  
Carl was a real cutie with his dark brunette hair that went down to his shoulders and his long and lithe body and although he was scrawny, he possessed a great mental strength and defiance. In some kind of twisted way, he could almost understand the father’s desire if he had no other available outlets for his needs AND if he’d lost his fucking mind. Not that Negan usually hit on teenagers, however – he wasn’t like that scumbag, Rick. Unfortunately, just then he felt another stirring below his belt that he had no control over as if to contradict him and he prayed again that he was too wasted to get it up.  
Damn Elsie! Such a tease! If only she had just let me…  
Negan really feared that he wouldn’t be able to resist the kid – not again - and he questioned the wisdom of having him sleep here with him under the excuse of protecting him from vengeful perverted men like Spencer when it was really Negan himself from whom Carl should be protected from.  
What is happening to me? Carl always seemed to elicit this mental question from him. Negan continued to gaze down at him without making a move, however, Carl suddenly grabbed his arm in his sleep and tried to use it as a pillow causing a big grin to spread across his face.  
The leader chuckled quietly to himself and let it linger for a while before he gently disengaged. Strange – the heat had also left his loins.  
It better stay that way because it ain’t never gonna happen. Kid hates me for killing his friends and I don’t blame him. Because the chances of taking the boy willing without force were a million to one and he better remember that.  
Negan suddenly noticed that the boy looked cold with goose-bumps all over his arms so he went out and got them each another blanket from the store-room. Locking the door carefully behind him first, of course.  
The leader gazed down at his captive for a few moments when he came back before laying the extra bedding on top of the boy, making sure to tuck it in at the sides before he stepped away from him. Then with a yawn, he got in his own bed and fell asleep immediately as soon as his head hit the pillow.  
….  
It was about 5am when Negan woke up with the bright Southern dawn light streaming through the curtains, bright enough to see. He was still tired with a thumping head as he automatically checked for the boy. He wasn’t in his bed but then he heard the toilet flush. Clearly the sedatives were wearing off.  
He waited for the kid to come back and drank some water and took a couple of painkillers to stave off the hangover in the morning.  
‘Carl?’  
Did I wake you? Sorry…’ He asked worriedly. ‘No, you didn’t. Get back into bed.’ He ordered him sternly. He obeyed silently, his body language apprehensive. ‘Ain’t gonna punish you despite your little show yesterday in the infirmary so go back to sleep. I’m still as tired as a whore who’s been sucking cock all night long.’ He turned on his side away from him. ‘Don’t disturb me.’  
It was late – most of the Saviours had to get up and start work at 5 or 6am at least to catch the dawn but rules didn’t apply to their leader. Especially if he’d been drinking and with his ‘wives’ all night.  
Carl thought it better to say nothing and turned also faced his wall. He was surprised to have got away with defying Negan over the nurse but he wasn’t about to get complacent.  
Negan sounded pissed.  
Carl couldn’t go back to sleep – it was the usual time he and his dad got up in the mornings if not earlier and he was bored with only his memories to keep him company and his regrets which still tormented him. Plus – he’d wanted to ask if he could see his sister again but now was obviously not the right time. Carl was still worried about her despite Negan’s assurances. Does she have her favourite teddy-bear, Pinkie? She can’t sleep without him. Why won’t he let me see her? Or is that part of my punishment?  
After a short while of just lying there and trying to doze off when he really wasn’t tired, he heard the tall man sigh and the bed creak with his weight and a bedside drawer open as he turned back to him and tossed something over.  
‘Here. Don’t say I don’t give you nothin’.’ Negan then added in a softer tone. ‘Now, let me sleep. Fuckin’ head’s bangin’ away like a jackhammer.’  
It was a book – just happened to be a fantasy for teens and Carl thought he was a bit young for it but was grateful nonetheless not to be left at the mercy of his demons. He wasn’t to know that Negan had picked it out especially for him from the library the Saviours had scrambled together from their runs and raiding expeditions.  
Carl did his best to read about dragons and murderous princes - he really did – but for some reason he couldn’t concentrate.  
His depressed thoughts started to dwell on the past – and circle endlessly the bad things he’d done.  
He’d betrayed his friends Daryl and Merle who knew about Rick and had done their best to protect him. They were probably dead by now.  
And it was all his fault.  
He deserved everything that Negan had planned for him.  
A stray tear ran down his cheek and he huddled himself, drawing his knees up to under his chest and the memory of his father officially ‘banishing’ the Dixons when Carl knew deep in his gut that he had told the heavies to kill them weighed him down and he unintentionally let out a soft whimper.  
What the hell’s wrong with me? I already cried my guts out once since I got here.  
All because he wanted to protect the piece-of-shit father he once idolised. He rarely let himself dwell on them or the pain and stunned, disbelieving betrayal on Daryl’s face when he denied them and lied to protect his father. And Carl knew that his dad had been like Rick (well, maybe hadn’t fucked them) because everyone knew about the scars on his back. From the belt.  
Even worse – he knew at the time that neither Dixon was under the illusion that Rick was going to let them live. Not the new and improved, paranoid, son-fucking crazy Rick anyways.  
Damn. You fucking crybaby…if he wakes up, he’ll hurt you for sure.  
He shuddered and another small whimper escaped him.  
He was weak! He thought he had a chance with his stupid kamikaze stunt in the truck!  
He heard another frustrated sigh and the bed on the other side of the room creaked again and Carl knew that what he feared most had come true. What if he’d kept him awake or woken him?  
‘Boy…?’ Negan’s voice was soft. ‘You cryin’? He asked for the second time.  
Carl shook his head even though he knew his captor couldn’t see it.  
‘No.’ He croaked and tried to keep his voice steady. ‘I’m sorry if I woke you…’ He hated the submissive whine that creeped into his voice.  
‘What’s wrong, baby?’  
Carl shuddered. Don’t! I hate it when you call me that! Ain’t your baby, ain’t your nothin’.’ He couldn’t tell if Negan was mocking him or really meant it in a sexual way. He mentally prayed it was the former.  
‘Come over here and tell ole Daddy Negan ‘bout it.’ He still spoke in that coaxing voice, his tone soothing and paternal.  
But Carl wasn’t fooled just because he sounded like his father used to until he lost his mind and started fucking him. It was probably a trap so that he could get him to trust him and then hurt him. That suspicion itself almost made him lose control and turn into a blubbering wreck.

So far, Negan hadn’t done anything bad but he couldn’t underestimate him. He didn’t know him and he’s been there less than 48 hours but he could turn on him any moment and still do everything that he threatened in the canteen.  
However and whenever he wanted.  
Probably it’s all a cruel trick. Get me trusting him – like when he acted all shocked when he saw the bruises that asshole laid on me just before I got away from him as if he wouldn’t ever do that. As if a grown man beating a teenager disgusted him. Does that go for having sex with an underage boy too?  
Did the demon incarnate actually have a moral code? Carl couldn’t quite believe that.  
Make me pay just when I think I’m safe. Why else would be go on about punishing me all the time? Then again, why was he bothering to make sure I got medical attention even when I didn’t need it – never got any before after dad let his fists loose on me?  
For what?  
‘No – I’m OK. Just had a bad dream, that’s all.’ He managed to choke out.  
Negan didn’t pry. ‘Suit yaself.’  
Carl listened with relief as he heard the heavier body turn back away from him and the bedsprings protest loudly. This time, Negan hadn’t sounded angry so at least that was OK and he probably wouldn’t make him pay for it in the morning.  
He kept his eyes tightly shut and his ears wide open, still not sure that he wouldn’t drift off and wake up with the man forcing himself on him. Especially after calling him ‘baby’. Rick did that sometimes just to fuck with his mind more.  
Carl shivered again and buried his head in the pillow. He fought against the tears but he couldn’t hold them back and wept in silence. After all, he had a lot of practice.  
For his part, Negan remained silent except for his snores and uneasy, sleepy mutterings and it was hard for Carl to believe that it was because the sadistic bastard had a bad conscience.  
He didn’t realise it yet but there were somethings worse than Negan but he was about to find out.  
….  
‘Rise and shine! Get up, son. It’s 8am!’ Negan was tugging his covers off him. ‘Pop into the shower while I get dressed.’  
He was in that towel again and Carl’s eyes were drawn to his muscular body and the six-pack that he sported at his eye-level before he looked away and blushed furiously. He prayed that the other didn’t notice.  
Negan smirked at him and raised a curious eyebrow. Nothing missed the leader of the Saviours – he couldn’t afford it to.  
Fuck! He just caught me checking him out! And I don’t even like men!  
‘Come on.’ Negan tugged on his arm when he came out of the bathroom fully-dressed. You hungry, kid?’ Let’s go and eat.’  
…  
Carl followed Negan apprehensively to the canteen and his thoughts ran away with him along the way. Was that show he made us put on here before really only acting? He didn’t know what to make of the man – he was obviously insane. Does he want me -like – in a sexual way? Yet he felt a not unpleasant chill trail down his spine and strangely, the thought didn’t totally repulse him. Fuck! Stockholm Syndrome or what? Or is it because of what already happened with my dad?  
Did he turn me and make me like it?  
But Carl had never liked it with Rick and he was pretty sure that he hadn’t been gay or bi or whatever before his sick fuck Daddy started messing with him. If anything – what his dad did to him should have put him off men for life.  
Despite everything, he had been getting to know a girl his own age in the group and they had even shared some tender kisses and hand-holding as well as a little more in the woods. Thankfully, she’d wanted to keep it quiet from her parents too – at least for a while. Carl couldn’t imagine what his dad would do to him to assert his ownership over him if he knew he was cheating on him with a girl. Because he knew that Rick would see it like that – a betrayal.  
Carl had even wondered if it was losing your virginity with a girl if you’d had sex with a man first. Did even sex with your father count? What if you didn’t want it in the first place?  
He didn’t know. Probably it didn’t matter. But they’d never got that far, thanks to the Saviours.  
….  
Back in the crowded canteen, Negan strongly ‘encouraged’ him (or maybe that was the wrong word) to drink a full glass of milk.  
‘What? I ain’t a kid.’  
Negan grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and shook him like an errant cur. ‘Careful, Carl…We’re in fuckin’ public!’ He hissed in his ear. ‘And you’re still growing so shut the fuck up and drink!’  
Carl nodded and he let him go. Mentally, though the youth was rolling his eyes because he had a feeling that this again was a performance put on for the others. Where big, bad Negan hurt him.  
He glanced around nervously because he could still sense the hostility and hate emanating from some of the Saviours but a little less than the day before and caught the eye of the man called Spencer staring hungrily at him from the table in front of them.  
Carl blushed and looked away but too late. Negan had followed his line of sight.  
‘He lookin’ at you?’  
‘N..No…Leave it…’  
But Negan wouldn’t. He got up and strode to his table with Lucille in tow.  
Spencer cowered back in fear while all eyes were on them and Carl just wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Meanwhile, the young Grimes could sense the others eating with the creep resisting the urge to run-away but they didn’t move. That would only turn their leader’s wrath on them.  
‘What ya doin’?’  
‘N…Nothin’…’  
‘You lookin’ at my little boy-toy? He’s mine.’  
Like I’m a mere thing, a possession.  
Carl winced at being called that although he should have been used to Negan’s sexual ways of referring to him. Lord knows, his father talked about him the same way enough but never in public though.  
No surprise there, he thought bitterly.  
‘N…No, of course not, my lord.’  
Negan lifted Lucille and smashed it on his hand, breaking some of his fingers by the look of it.  
The people on his table – one who was lean with a straggly beard sitting next to him (his pall – Carl guessed) jumped but they all looked down at the table as if trying to avoid their leader’s wrath being brought down on them.  
Spencer screamed and clutched his crushed hand.  
‘Nobody touches what’s mine, does everyone got that?’  
‘Yes, Lord Negan.’ His entire crew were all kneeling on the floor with eyes downcast, even the injured man.  
‘Go and see Patrick. Next time you want my things, I’ll put you in the cage.’  
‘Yes, yes my lord. Sorry – sorry, my lord.’ Spencer gasped in his agony and ran out. Even Carl felt a little sorry for him. The man didn’t look at him or anyone as he left.  
Negan wiped Lucille with a serviette and came and sat down. Resumed eating his bacon and eggs like nothing had happened and everyone got back to eating too although the atmosphere was definitely more muted.  
‘Eat up.’ He ordered Carl to eat his. ‘Then go get a plate of fruit from over there.’ He motioned to the same buffet table that had contained the cupcakes the night before.  
‘But I got enough…’  
Negan glared at him and tapped Lucille on the table.  
‘Yes, Lord Negan.’ Carl lowered his eyes submissively.  
‘Good boy.’ Negan’s expression relaxed and he grinned. ‘You’re learning. Time for some chores after breakfast. I’ll put you with the women – should be safe, OK? But don’t wander off.’  
Carl wasn’t that happy about it but at least it meant he wouldn’t be stuck in one room – a virtual prisoner like he feared and going crazy with cabin fever. Besides, he was used to doing chores on rotation back in the group – everybody did to survive. Anyway, it wasn’t like he could run away while they had his sister and he didn’t know where she was. He’d scanned the room for her when they’d come in but like before, she wasn’t there.  
As they left, Carl felt the man’s hands brush quickly through his hair almost as if by accident and he repressed a shiver.  
But was it entirely out of fear and disgust at the man’s touch?  
….  
They walked down a hallway off the canteen where Negan showed him the kitchen and gave him a gentle push toward it. ‘You’ve got a new helper.’ He told the 2 white-haired women there who were too old to be in his harem so had been assigned to the cooking duties. ‘Don’t let him out of your sight.’ He warned them.  
‘Hi.’ He said when the leader was gone. ‘I’m Carl.’  
‘We know that, Sweetie. I’m Sadie and this is Minnie.’ The older woman of the two introduced them. She was plump and motherly and she motioned him to sit at the big, wooden table. The latter looked younger with her dark hair that was showing grey roots and she was slim, too and dressed young with scarlet nails and a clinging blouse topping her skinny jeans. Her name reminded him of Minnie Mouse and Carl thought that was funny, especially as she even had a high-pitched voice like the cartoon character.  
‘Can you peel some potatoes for dinner while we make sandwiches?’  
‘Sure. I can do anything.’  
They bustled around and Carl spent a couple of hours helping them cook dinner by preparing various vegetables, washing-up and cleaning. He also learned how to make bread in the bread-maker. This kind of work relaxed him because he used to help Lori in the kitchen and maybe if things had been different, he could have been an adequate cook.  
The thought made him sad and he paused for a moment, staring at the bowl of potatoes.  
‘What’s wrong?’ Sadie asked.  
He shrugged. ‘Nothin’.’  
‘You must be missing home. Your friends and family.’  
‘Yeah.’ He replied with little enthusiasm. ‘Have you seen my sister, Judith?’  
‘She’ll be fine. She’s with Jeanette and Lucy in the nursery. Jeanette is a trained primary school teacher.’  
But she’s not in primary – she’s only 2! Carl didn’t want mention about Negan not letting him see her – he might sound like he was criticising their Beloved Leader but he hoped it would change soon. He knew he could bear the place and even Negan if got to spend time with Judith.  
Just then a group of men – he didn’t know their names but he knew they were bad people- passed the kitchen and saw him through the transparent kitchen glass door. He recognised several from when he’d leapt out of that truck and killed their comrades.  
He heard them aim dirty slurs at him about him and Negan before they passed and laugh loudly.  
None of them clocked the significance of this event at the time.  
‘Don’t worry about them.’ Sadie consoled him.  
‘I ain’t.’  
‘Is…is he treating you OK?’ She asked and then looked around as if she was afraid of eavesdroppers. ‘I mean, he ain’t hurt you?’  
She means did he really give me those bruises and has he fucked me yet.  
Carl shrugged again and refused to meet her eyes. What should I say? If he said ‘No’ he hasn’t hurt me, it will make Negan look soft. And if I said he did, I’d be lying. So, he settled on a compromise.  
‘Not too much. Don’t want to talk about it.’  
‘Oh, Honey. I understand.’ She squeezed his shoulder.  
He looked down, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable with her sympathy. As well as her intrusive questions.  
‘It’s just what he said in the canteen yesterday…He implied…’ She pushed, determined.  
‘Leave it. Don’t you know talk is dangerous?’ Mimi came over after washing her hands at the sink to admonish her with a sharp look and saved him.  
‘You don’t know who might be listening.’ She whispered fearfully and glanced nervously around. All the Saviours knew that Negan planted his spies everywhere.  
‘Fine. Sorry, Carl. Just do whatever he says and you’ll be fine and he’ll let you go home.’  
Yeah, right. Do you think I’m some naïve little kid that doesn’t know he’s going to kill me? He’s got to. And do I even want me and Judith to go back there to HIM, anyway?  
They fell into an uneasy silence after that and simply got on with their work.  
When Negan came back to the kitchen roughly a couple of hours later to pick him up, Carl wasn’t there.  
‘Where is he?’ He yelled at the women.  
Sadie looked shocked. They’d been busy getting the chicken casserole into the oven and had forgotten the time. ‘He just went to the restroom 20 minutes ago…’  
‘And you didn’t think he’s been away too long? Which way did he go?’  
She pointed in the direction.  
Stupid bitches, he thought furiously to himself. If something’s happened to him...  
…  
Carl had gone to the male restroom in the direction they’d pointed in for the second time. But when he got there and opened the door, something crashed against his head and he fell to the floor, too stunned to feel the pain before it washed all over him.  
He groaned.  
Something was shoved against the door to block it.  
‘Hey, sweet baby-boy. Got a bone to pick with you.’ Said a sleazy voice that he was familiar with.


	5. Saviour (Revised)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated for a while. I was actually stuck on how to get this chapter right – don’t want to make Carl look too weak or Negan too sappy. Hope it works! Feel free to let me know if it does/doesn’t. I can use any feedback to improve my writing. x
> 
> I realised after re-reading that this could have been written better - especially at the end. It's because I posted it in a rush so I've made it flow better and added some details. If you feel like it, you can let me know if it is better or not.

‘Hey, sweet baby-boy. Got a bone to pick with you.’ The familiar voice sent shudders creeping down his spine. He couldn’t help but recall the ravenous way the man had looked at him at breakfast.  
And got punished for it.  
No doubt he blamed him for that.  
It was Spencer.  
You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me. Didn’t they hear one word Negan said?  
Head pounding and too stunned and disorientated to fight, Carl heard something shoved against the door behind him to block it.  
‘Don’t scream – it’ll only make things worse for you.’ The man told him.  
Carl stubbornly screamed for help anyway.

Spencer grabbed a handful of his hair and brutally yanked it back and pressed a Swiss penknife to his throat to make his point clear.  
Carl winced as unwelcome tears filled his eyes. ‘Get off me! Negan’ll kill you for this.’  
Filthy chuckles. ‘No he won’t because he won’t know. Anyway, you must be used to it.’  
The boy’s heart stopped. Do they know about me and Rick?  
‘Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you like Negan does. We’re not psychos like him.’ ‘No! Don’t! Stop! I don’t want it!’  
Filthy laughs. 

‘Where is he, anyway? Looks like he left ya without any protection deliberately for us to find. Don’t you think?’  
The other man nodded eagerly with a dumb look on his face and Carl recognised his scraggy beard from the breakfast. He was dressed in the same shabby clothes and his lean, craven and twitchy exterior somehow made Carl think of a rat.  
‘No! He wouldn’t!’  
‘Aw…I think somebody’s got a little crush on the Leader.’ Spencer mocked and they both laughed. ‘What are you waitin’ for? Tie him up.’ He ordered the other man. ’Gag him while we get him ready.’

The young man recovered his senses and fought back only to have Spencer pin him down on the floor with one foot while Ratman stuffed a filthy rag into his mouth and bound his hands behind his back. Carl hadn’t noticed the rope he was carrying.  
No! He could only scream in his head. And the bonds were cruelly tight, he could already feel his fingers tingle and going numb with the blood supply cut off.  
– ‘Got him.’ Carl could smell his foul stench of body odour mixed with whiskey and it made him want to gag.  
‘Sit him up.’

Ratman looked confused. ‘Why if we’re gonna…?’  
Spencer rolled his eyes while the other man got him into sitting position. Carl himself didn’t know why Spencer was bothering but he soon found out.  
‘You know I can’t use my fuckin’ broken hand because of you!’ Spencer hissed and punched him full in the face with his good one so that the back of his head collided with the wall.  
Great! Even Rick never hit me there.  
Spencer drew back his fist as far as it could go and gave him another blow that made him see stars and pass out for a couple of seconds.  
‘Go easy on him – at least on the face.’ Ratman warned and tried to restrain his buddy. ‘He’ll see it.’ He whispered in a kind of reverent fear.  
‘So? According to him, he does far worse to the kid.’  
‘Still…He belongs to him. Not us. He said so.’  
Carl watched this exchange hoping that they would lose courage. Despite his pain and terror, he felt his temper flare up again at the reference to Negan’s ownership over him.  
‘Don’t back out on me. You scared of him?’. Spencer’s words to his accomplice were followed up by a vicious kick to his bruised ribs that were only just healing from his dad’s ministrations. Carl groaned.  
‘Stop it!’ Ratman attempted to intervene and pull him off him but Spencer shook him off like he was an annoying, yappy lapdog.  
‘Alright. Enough with the foreplay.’ Spencer agreed and leered at the teenage boy curled up in a ball at his feet. Carl was just trying to breathe and not cry in front of the bastards.  
He didn’t to give them the satisfaction.  
‘You ain’t gonna tell anyone? ‘Cos if you go whining to him, we’ll kill ya after we use ya.’  
Carl feared the reason for Spencer removing the smelly rag from his mouth but he managed to snarl at them through his ringing head and the pain, ‘I won’t have to because next time I see you assholes, I’m killin’ ya both.’  
He sensed the other’s rage and felt a smithereen of satisfaction. Spencer really wanted to hurt him but again was held back by Ratman. Besides, he sensed that he had to keep them talking – somebody was bound to come in and want to use the bathroom and hopefully save him rather than join in if they weren’t one of his numerous haters. After all, hadn’t he seen sympathy and disgust in some of the Saviours’ eyes when Negan had boasted about all the sick things he was going to do to him and showed them his bruises?  
Things he hasn’t done to me yet but give him time…  
‘Quick- before someone comes.’ Spencer got down to business. ‘I’m horny as fuck.’ He shoved him back down to the floor again with a chokehold to warn him not to make a noise. ‘Did you leave the cleaning sign outside? The one that tells them to go somewhere else?’  
‘Yeah, course I did!’  
‘So, we shouldn’t be disturbed for a good while yet.’  
‘Nope.’ 

Carl’s heart sank. All hope was gone. They would get to torture him for God knows how long…maybe even take it too far and kill him…  
When Ratman came to check his binds and roughly grope him between his legs, Carl cringed back and a sneer of repulsion twisted his lips. He would even take Spencer over Ratman who smelt like he hadn’t washed in a year. Whenever he came near, he had to fight not to vomit all over the floor.  
The hand was removed from his throat and he found he could use his voice again.  
‘No! Stop! Please stop! Help me, someone!’ He begged, hating himself for it. After all, they’re right, I should be used to it now. Daryl would never have pleaded with them and Merle would have called me a little pussy and told me to fight back!  
But how could he? He wasn’t a Dixon although there had been many times he wished he was rather than be his father’s son, a Grimes. He couldn’t fight them, he’d been ambushed and besides, he was still just a skinny boy against 2 full-grown men. Lord knew, didn’t his father remind him frequently of that fact and he was just 1 man! He hated this familiar feeling of powerlessness and humiliation – even Negan didn’t make him feel this way.  
Yet. He reminded himself. 

Perhaps he did send them here when he told me I was safe? Maybe this was the punishment after all. Carl thought bitterly to himself and started to shout for help again.  
‘What did I tell you about screaming for help? You make noise again and we’ll kill ya baby sister.’ Spencer threatened and Carl knew by the look in his eye that he was deadly serious.  
He would kill Judith. He’s probably done worse …  
So, he hushed.  
‘Can’t use my hand but can use my dick. Hold him!’ Spencer took a step back and aimed another massive kick to his side to subdue him.  
Just in case he wasn’t already.  
Agony blazed in his stomach and he saw stars behind his eyes and he writhed on the floor, groaning. He hated showing weakness to these men – but you couldn’t really call them that. Then, thankfully everything went black.  
‘Hey, wake up!’ His cheek was slapped hard. ‘Hey - don’t black out on us now – you’ll miss all the fun!’ Ratman spat in his face and he got another unpleasant whiff of the man’s scent.  
‘Get his jeans off.’ He told Spencer. ‘You go first.’  
Carl really tried to struggle then.  
‘I can’t…fingers all broke…’ Spencer snarled angrily.  
‘Let me do it.’  
‘I’ll help you.’ Ratman went to the front the front and undid his friend’s flies.  
He turned back to Carl and hissed, ‘You killed our friends. Tried to kill all of us.’ He hissed in his ear. ‘Time for payback, little boy.’  
‘No! Help!’ He felt his pants being ripped off along with his underwear. Now it seemed like it was really going to happen.  
‘Shut up!’ The rat-like man snarled in his ear. ‘Get up on all fours.’

‘Better you go in first, instead. I’ll leave the best to last, huh?’ Spencer chuckled lecherously and then creepily added, ‘He can suck me off.’  
‘Now, don’t you shout for help again. Play nice and already said we might even let you live afterwards.’ He drew the blade across his lips pointedly.  
Carl shook his head stubbornly and refused to open his mouth, even though the blade back at his throat, nicking it and making it bleed.  
Meanwhile, he could feel Ratman getting ready behind him probably to line himself up to his other hole. But he couldn’t fight both at the same time and besides, his hands were tied.

Please no…not again. He’d been almost expecting it from Negan – had psyched himself up for it even but not with these disgusting men. He’d even imagined that maybe Negan might have been gentle and shown him what was so good about sex and why everyone liked it but these assholes only wanted to hurt him. 

‘Open up and stop fighting or we kill your baby sister.’ Spencer repeated his threat, impatience growing his voice.  
‘You lay one finger on her and I’ll fuck you up! He screamed only mentally because by then Spencer had forced himself into his mouth.  
He thought about biting down at one point but then he decided to co-operate and deep-throat him.  
Just like his Daddy liked.  
When he heard the man moaning, he knew he was doing it right.  
…  
Ratman, for his credit was using his spit to provide some lubrication and was attempting to stretch him and this provided Carl with valuable seconds because a few moments later, he heard a commotion outside the door. He recognized Negan’s voice with relief. ‘Carl? You in there? Who else is with you? Unblock the door!’ Both his assailants froze.  
Suddenly the door was smashed open.  
‘What the fuck are you doin’? Get away from him!’ The leader ordered, enraged.  
Carl smirked before he took advantage of the situation bit down HARD on the part of Spencer that he was still holding in his mouth, splitting it in two and causing him to scream in agony and stagger back. With a mixture of nauseating disgust and satisfaction, he spat part of him out. The boy thankfully didn’t even feel Ratman thankfully withdraw his fingers.  
Negan glanced at him with a mixture of surprise and almost awe. ‘You OK?’  
The teen bravely nodded as he sat up and leaned against the wall. The first thing he did was shamefacedly pull on his clothes with relief and clutched his hurt side and stomach. Clearly, he wasn’t and the Saviour Leader gave him another glance – this time of concern before he turned back to his unarmed men.  
Negan stalked on the unarmed men with his weapon. As expected, they didn’t even try to fight back – well, Spencer was in no state to anyway and looked up at his leader with already lifeless eyes and a resigned expression. It was clear that he was going to bleed out.  
‘M…My Lord…’ Ratman started. ‘It ain’t what it looks like…We were jus’ tryin’ to scare him a little and teach him a lesson…’  
‘Shut the fuck up.’ Negan ordered him, his voice hard. It was clear that he didn’t want to hear their excuses.  
Meanwhile their intended victim watched Lucille being swung round and heard Ratman’s shrieks of pain and saw him fall down with his guts spilling out. Then Carl saw the modified baseball bat embed itself in Spencer’s bleeding member or what was left of it. The rapist screamed even louder than before if that was possible. Especially when Negan yanked it back out so violently that the barbed wire spines caught on what was left of his genitals. And that was even before Lucille disembowelled him – mercifully, so it seemed to Carl but he was left covered with his blood and guts. Revolted, he spat out as much of the gore out as he could and wiped his face with his sleeve.  
Still better than having that asshole’s dick in my mouth, he thought to himself.  
‘Untie him.’  
Carl looked up at Negan and the other shorter, slighter man who had a burnt face - ironed he corrected himself. He’d seen him around a lot around the leader taking orders from him and giving him reports but he still didn’t know his name.  
Carl found himself backing away when the man approached while Negan checked the bodies over to check that they were really dead and started swearing and mutilating them with Lucille.  
‘Sh…It’s only me, Dwight.’ He crouched down in front of him, sensing his fear.  
Carl looked up at him. The man had brown and gentle eyes so he nodded.  
Dwight untied him and looked away from Carl as he quickly pulled up his jeans.  
‘You OK?’  
Carl’s stoic façade crumbled at the dumb question with a mixture of shock and relief when he hadn’t when Negan had asked him exactly the same question and he leaned his head on the henchman’s shoulder. Because he knew he most definitely wasn’t – not with his bruised-up face and covered in blood and gore.  
‘Sh…Sh…’ The older man put an arm around him and rubbed his back comfortingly.  
Carl leaned into him until he touched one of his recent bruises.  
‘Ow!’ He cried without thinking.  
That got immediately Negan’s attention and he tore himself away from pummelling and kicking the two men’s corpses. ‘Get off him.’ He growled.  
He sounded angry enough to kill.  
‘I’m…I’m sorry, my lord. It’s jus’ the boy was upset and…’  
‘Didn’t I say nobody was to touch him ‘cept me!’ He picked up Lucille and strode over to them. ‘I said he’s mine!’  
‘I’m OK, Negan!’ Carl cried.  
‘No, you’re not.’ He contradicted and looked him.  
‘Please, my lord. I didn’t mean nothin’ by it!’ Dwight pleaded.

Negan grunted and regarded him coldly. Like he hadn’t been his second-in-command and most trusted advisor since they set up Sanctuary. His loyalty to him seemed to even increase after he needed to be disciplined after breaking the rules once too many times but that didn’t matter.  
Yet Negan stood over them and raised Lucille.  
‘No, don’t!’ Carl got in front of Dwight.  
‘Out of my way, Carl.’  
‘He’s right- he wasn’t hurting me, he was helping me!’  
Negan advanced on them to pull Carl out of his way.  
‘NO!’ Carl refused to move.  
The leader sighed. ‘Fine. Carl…If you hadn’t just been through what you’ve been through, I would bash your brains in, along with his. You know that?’  
Negan glared at the hapless man. ‘You should thank him for saving your life. Now get out of my sight and go and tell Patrick. But no-one else, ya hear!’ Negan ordered him, his tone deadly. ‘I’ll get him to the Infirmary. Then come back here and get rid of the bodies. Ask Ramsey to help you.’  
‘Yes, my Lord.’ He actually kowtowed before he rushed out. ‘Thank-you for sparing me.’ He left.  
Negan huffed.  
………………….

‘What did they do to you?’ Negan was checking him over but what really wanted to know if they’d fucked him yet but he judged that now wasn’t the right time to ask.  
‘They hit you? Fuckin’ bastards.’ He answered his own question and circled his black eye and bruised jaw gingerly.  
Carl’s lower lip shook and he looked down at the ground.  
‘What else did they do to hurt you, sweetheart?’ Negan was gently pulling him into his lap.  
‘No! Get off me, Dad!’ 

Negan stopped, unflappable as if he’d dealt with this kind of thing many times before and just looked at him with an expression that was hard for Carl to read. But the teen thought that if he was pitying him, that would just make him want to die.  
Negan was kicking himself. Why had he called him that? Of course, it freaked him out. ‘Didn’t mean it like that. Did you even notice that you just called me ‘Dad’? ‘Carl, I ain’t about to hurt you more. Trust me.’  
But he painfully backed away against wall and shook his head.  
‘Come on. We need to get you to Patrick.’ The older man coaxed.  
But Carl shook his head.  
‘Did they hurt you?’ Negan asked him softly.  
Carl started to tremble and looked away.  
‘Did they try?’  
It was the teenager’s undoing and he broke down again.  
He couldn’t speak.  
‘You bit off Spencer’s dick in half.’ Negan laughed. ‘You are one brave son-of-a-bitch.’  
That got a reluctant smile out of him.  
‘No, I ain’t.’ He sobbed. Rick had taken to calling him pussy and sissy lately especially when he abused him and he didn’t quite believe anyone who told him otherwise.  
The ordeal had made him scared of Negan again or maybe it was just that he had never really fully trusted him anyway. But being called by those sexual nicknames just after what had happened pushed him over the edge.  
‘Sh…You’re safe now.’ Negan pulled him onto his lap. ‘I ain’t like them.’  
That worked and he felt Carl relax against him. 

But he was and Negan knew it. There was a thin chalk line that divided him and those scumbags and he’d nearly crossed it twice already. But Carl wasn’t to know that. Even the fact that he sitting on top of him covered in Spence’s guts and blood seemed irrelevant as he sobbed against the man’s chest. Feeling so filthy and humiliated especially in front of Negan didn’t even seem to matter. His emotions did a u-tube and suddenly he only wanted the comfort the man could give him.  
When Negan petted his hair to comfort him, it reminded Carl of his parents. Or at least of how Rick used to be until he went crazy.  
‘Sh…Just let me check you over. Any broken bones?’  
‘I…I… don’t think so.’ Carl said in a shuddery, long breath.

‘Come on. Up.’ Negan was determined.  
Carl got painfully to his feet and tried to walk but collapsed, gasping in pain. He guessed from his bruised ribs and he hoped that they weren’t broken.  
‘Can’t walk?’  
Carl flushed red. Last thing he wanted was for Negan to think he was weak physically as well as mentally.  
‘I can but it hurts. Don’t matter.’ He didn’t mention that he was shaky all over and his legs felt like jelly when he tried to put weight on them.  
Negan scooped him into his arms.  
‘What…what ya doin’? No!’ Carl didn’t want the Saviours to see him like this.  
‘Sh. Goin’ to get Patrick to look at you, give you something for the pain. Make you feel better.’  
He carried him this way, all through the Sanctuary. People stared and muttered behind their hands as Carl had feared but now he realised that what they thought or believed was irrelevant.  
………………..

But when they got there, Negan just dumped him on the examination couch and left to go. He ignored the hurt and confusion in the boy’s eyes.  
‘My Lord…’ Patrick began but Negan held up his hand.  
‘You get Dwight’s message?’ He demanded abruptly.  
The two of them nodded.  
‘You keep this shit to yourselves. If I find out you’ve been talkin’…especially about what was done to him and by who…’  
‘We won’t, my lord.’ Rosalie butt in.  
Negan knew that he was being unrealistic. After all, he’d been seen carrying Carl by 5 or 6 Saviours on his way to Patrick and it was clear that he’d been attacked. And then the incident with Spencer in the dining-room and how he and Micky just happened to disappear….  
Hopefully, they’ll think I did it.  
That thought made him feel ashamed and a little sad.

‘Give him a full once-over.’ He ordered the three of them. He whispered pointedly to the doc so that the boy couldn’t hear. ‘And check him for signs of rape.’  
He strode out of the infirmary although Carl’s eyes were following him pleadingly and Negan knew that he was too proud to ask him to stay directly. But Negan needed to put distance between them – he didn’t understand what the fuck the kid was doing to him. Turning him on – making him act out character towards him…Turning him into something…unNegan.  
Rick’s kid was a threat to both his brutal reputation and authority.  
…  
He was just stalking back down the corridor back to his Harem for some much- needed R & R when he heard Carl crying out in distress.  
He sounded seriously pissed-off.  
He told himself that he shouldn’t care about a dead kid walking but it was like he couldn’t control his own body as his feet turned back on themselves and he was running back.

Kid was even calling for him now. ‘Negan! Negan!’  
Embarrassing as hell when you had an image to uphold and he’d gone back in there to find Patrick trying to perform an anal exam with a little torch while Carl was being held down by Rosalie who was trying to soothe him by stroking his hair and a newcomer who had been an hospital orderly in his previous life.  
’Without thinking, he’d swept them all away and grabbed Carl to him protectively.  
‘Get off him! Can’t you see he’s in trouble?’ He roared at them. 

All three of them were immediately on their knees before him. ‘We’re sorry, my lord. Please forgive us.’  
‘Fucking hell! The boy’s just been raped and you’re trying to force that on him? Why didn’t you give him somethin’ to calm him down first then do it?’  
‘You said don’t waste precious medicine on prisoners…I’m sorry, my lord…’ Patrick faltered.  
Damn it! Patrick was really too literal sometimes. I told him to give him one before – doesn’t he remember?  
Carl clung onto him for dear life and wept on his shoulder as the medic gave him the shot. Negan comforted him as best as he could while at the same time, he felt like shaking him and telling him to man-up. Until the image of half of Spencer’s dick lying there bloody on the white tiles and he smiled.  
After the attack – of course he’s fragile. And with what went on before…can’t blame him for cryin’.  
So Negan stayed with him until Carl fell into a medicated sleep.  
‘I’ll stay while you do it.’ He told them. But he didn’t watch.

A short while after he got the result.  
‘Carl’s…uh…it’s complicated…’  
‘Get on with it, man!’  
‘Uh…From the old scars, Carl’s been penetrated before but not today. That and combined with the physical abuse – don’t know why I didn’t check before.’  
‘Yeah, why didn’t you?’ Negan’s stare was hard and dangerous. Truth was he hadn’t told him to but he loved making the doc squirm.  
‘I’m sorry, my lord.’  
‘Go on.’  
‘There’s some signs of redness and his rectum’s a little swollen…but no permanent damage.’  
Negan took in a sharp intake of breath. ‘What you sayin’?’  
‘Looks like they tried to penetrate him today – maybe got even so far as to warm him up so to speak (Negan winced and the doc himself looked like he was going to be sick) but didn’t get far but this boy’s been raped before. And whoever it was, did a real number on him and weren’t gentle while they were at it either.’  
Negan kept his composure. After all, it wasn’t anything that he hadn’t expected.  
‘Who do you think it was?’  
Patrick shrugged. ‘In the old world, it would have usually been a family member or a close friend of the family’s. Maybe even a teacher. Father? Older brother? Father’s best friend? These days, who knows? An enemy? I hate to say it but it’s possible more than one perpetrator is to blame. Why, do you know something, my lord?’  
Negan sighed and shook his head. ‘I want to see him.’  
‘He’s just sleeping. Perhaps come back tomorrow?’ Rosalie butted in again.  
Damn her. Always sticking her nose in where it’s not wanted.

‘No. Now.’ Negan went over to Carl’s bed anyway and brushed the loose strands of hair off his face. Poor baby boy. Is Daddy a bad man? Does he hurt you? How ‘bout Negan kills him for you?  
Snap out of it. So, what if Rick’s been having a little non-consensual roll-in-the-hay fun with his own son? What do you care?  
I don’t know. I don’t know why I care. Maybe because he’s the bravest and purest little bastard that I’ve ever met.  
I don’t want to kill him. Can I make him mine instead?


	6. Advances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long delay – this is a nice, long chapter to make up for it!  
> Carl and Negan start to grow closer. But can Negan control himself around him?

....  
Carl woke up in the Infirmary in the dark and didn’t know what time it was. He guessed it was early - maybe about 4 or 5am. He was hurting in his ribs and other places where he’d been beaten.  
He sighed and tried to turn on his side and go back to sleep.  
Then it hit him and the full memory of it came at him with no mercy nor pause.  
Spencer’s cock in his mouth and Ratman at his rear, pawing him.  
He couldn’t help let out a muffled sob. Pain he could deal with – was used to dealing with – but being violated again…  
Shut up you little pussy! Nothing happened. Negan stopped them….  
He sniffed and stiffened when he heard footsteps coming.  
Please no…don’t let it be him.  
Yet he wasn’t trembling out of pure fear.  
Someone came in in a white coat from the cot in the next room with the open door. Where the medical staff slept.  
‘So you’re awake. How you feeling?’  
Damn, he heard me whimper like a sissy.  
He sat up painfully and saw the man frown in concern. ‘You in pain again?’  
It was Patrick and even though he’d feared Negan coming, he now felt disappointed that it wasn’t him.  
What the fuck’s wrong with me? I hate him. He calls me creepy names all the time and keeps threatening me. Plus, he hasn’t let me see my sister yet.  
The doctor felt his forehead. ‘Seems like you got a fever. Let me get you something to take it down and a pill for the pain.’  
Carl looked at him. Now he’s going to ask me about what happened and who hurt me. Just like he did when I first got here. Although he examined me and probably knows about those two assholes. Negan probably told him.  
But Patrick didn’t.  
Negan must have told him not to.  
‘Go back to sleep, son.’ The doctor helped him lay back down after he gave him the medicine and stroked his hair.  
Carl wanted to move his head away – it seemed like they were doing something wrong somehow. But he didn’t want to offend the doctor either.  
And it did feel good. After all, it had been so long that he had been touched by an adult man without expecting pain immediately afterwards until he arrived at the Sanctuary (excepting the attack the day before). What was the irony of that?  
‘Don’t worry, you’re safe now. We won’t let him hurt you.’  
Him? It was two of them. Or do you mean Negan?  
You must mean him.  
Negan doesn’t hurt me! Carl badly wanted to correct him because even though the large and intimidating man often scared him, he had never actually physically hurt him unless you counted that first day when he shoved him against the wall.  
But he didn’t know about my bruises!  
Yeah, whatever. He’s still a sick murderer. He argued with himself.  
‘Go back to sleep.’ Patrick talked to him like he was his son. ‘It’ll be better in the morning.’  
And Carl did.  
And it was.  
…..  
He woke up to the sun streaming in the window with Rosalie and Patrick bustling around him, making an inventory of their medicine for a run later that day. They greeted him and asked him how he was feeling.  
‘Fine.’ He told them. Carl noticed how no-one mentioned the attack.  
‘Somebody wanted to see you.’ Negan sauntered in a minute later, carrying Judith who stretched out her hands towards the bed while the others immediately fell on their knees. ‘Good morning, my lord.’  
Carl looked at his sister, visually checking her over. She didn’t look scared or hungry. In fact she was clutching Negan’s shirt in both hands and giggling. He observed all this with mixed feelings. Should he be happy or annoyed that she liked his tormentor? And even though he no longer gave a shit about Rick, something about this still stung that she didn’t even look like she missed their dad and was betraying their group somehow. Their captor beamed before he lowered her down into his lap.  
‘You said you wanted to see her. She’s well-looked after so set your heart at rest.’  
Carl gazed up at him, open-mouthed.  
Negan chuckled. ‘You don’t have to say thank-you but it might be a nice thing to do.’  
Carl clutched his sister to him like he never wanted to let her go.  
‘Thank-you.’ He spluttered out reluctantly.  
‘Ca-arl…’ Judith grabbed his hair and pulled it.  
‘Ow!’  
Negan watched him disengage her fingers with amusement.  
Meanwhile, the medics exchanged curious glances from where they were kneeling on the hard floor.  
‘You may rise.’ Negan upraised his arms magnamiously. He was obviously in a good mood.  
‘Thank-you, my lord.’ They both said in unison.  
Negan indicated to them that he wanted to speak to them in private.  
Carl barely noticed as they left. He only had eyes for his sister.  
‘I’m so happy you’re OK.’ He whispered to her and it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. He could even tolerate Negan if he still had her.  
….  
‘How is he?’ Their leader asked the doctor and his assistant.  
‘He slept most of the night but he’s still in considerable pain. Patrick told him. ‘From the bruised ribs and the other injuries from the beating.’  
Negan’s expression turned thunderous. ‘How soon can you let him out of here?’  
Rosalie looked at him fearlessly. ‘When he’s healed.’ She replied coldly.  
‘That ain’t good enough.’  
‘Why?’ She kept pushing.  
‘Because…I want him back in my room, that’s WHY!’ He raged at them.  
Back in the other room, Carl heard and froze. Even Judith fell silent, catching his emotion.  
Patrick frowned. ’Don’t take it the wrong way, my lord but he’s likely still traumatised. Nightmares, panic attacks….’  
‘I’m not….I don’t have….’ Carl whispered indignantly into Judith’s hair. ‘I ain’t WEAK!’  
She solemnly wrapped her arms around his neck as if to comfort him. Even Rick had said that she seemed to sense other people’s emotions and respond to them.  
‘I’m not!’ He said more quietly into her hair but no less vehemently.  
Back in the other room, Negan told them, ‘I’ll deal with that.’  
‘Please don’t hurt him.’ They pleaded again like a broken record.  
‘Does he look like he’s scared of me? That I hurt him?’  
‘No…Of course not, my Lord.’ Patrick grovelled.  
‘Is that what’s been sayin’?’  
‘No, never.’ Rosalie intervened. ‘It’s just that he’s so fragile at the moment…’  
‘I’ll come back and take him later. Make sure you give him some breakfast.’  
He stormed out.  
‘Negan…?’ Carl looked at him anxiously as he passed his bed but Negan ignored him and he looked at the nurse in hurt confusion. He wondered if he had done or said something to piss him off.  
‘Don’t worry about him.’ The pretty nurse reassured him as soon as the leader was out of earshot.  
…  
Negan had not answered Carl when he left because he didn’t want them thinking that there was something more between them. That he actually cared about the boy.  
He’d finally given in and let him see his sister as a sort of consolation to what had happened with Spencer and Micky. To be truthful, he hadn’t kept Judith away from him as a punishment deliberately – he’d just forgot about it but it would suit his purpose to let Carl think that he did.  
He looked so happy to see her. His whole face lit up… He thought to himself and discovered that he liked it when Carl was happy.  
If only it would light up like that for me when he saw me…Instead of that often suspicious, alarmed look. Not that I can blame him. If he knew the thoughts I had about him…..  
Negan shook his head and started to prepare himself. He should think about the men whose faces he was having ironed that evening.  
An idea lit up in his head then. When Carl is better….  
No, I can’t! He’s already scared shitless of me, if I make him watch that shit…  
He’s Rick’s son. He can handle it.  
No – I don’t want him to see that. What if he …hates me even more than he must do now?  
Then Negan realised that he wanted to keep Carl and Judith the one part of his life that wasn’t tainted by all that shit. Carl was maybe the only thing that he really cared about since he lost his own family during the Zombie Apocalypse.  
No. I won’t. I want him pure. I’ll have him put back in my room as soon as he’s had breakfast. Him and his sister both.  
…  
When Negan came back to check on them in the afternoon, he found them both taking a nap on the sofa.  
Carl had his arm tucked around his younger sibling and was snoring lightly and something about them gave him a warm feeling at the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t had since before the End-of-the fucking-World. He was looking better already after being reunited with Judith.  
Deciding not to disturb them, Negan left smiling and took his nap in the place he kept his ‘wives’.  
…  
That night, after the Ironing, Negan came back pissed-drunk and tried to take Judith out of his arms.  
‘No! Leave us!’  
Judith squirmed and started to cry.  
‘You really want to argue with me, boy?’  
‘You’re not taking her!’  
Negan chuckled cruelly. ‘Well, I’m in charge here and I can do what the hell I want.’  
‘No! Why!?’  
He couldn’t resist as he leered down at them. ‘Why do you think? I want us to be alone, that’s why!’ He winked conspiratorially at his captive. ‘So that we can have some grown-up fun!’  
‘No! I won’t let you touch me!’ He cried out in defiance yet backed off against the wall.  
‘Let me?’ He advanced on them. ‘I think you’ve forgotten little boy, that I can do what I want with you. With you both.’  
Judith clung to her brother. Carl’s lower lip trembled and one or two tears came into his eyes although his body language was stubborn with his fists clenched at his sides and his jaw jutting out. It was clear that he was in fighting mode. Negan knew that he would do his best to kill him if he ever threatened his baby sister.  
Then the man in his drunken haze recalled the shit the kid had been through. All of it.  
He hadn’t even meant to threaten him – it was the drink talking. Plus, the violence from the night’s show was affecting him, making him even more aggressive and dominant than usual. So, he changed his tack and made his voice soft and soothing.  
‘I’m an asshole for saying something like that, particularly when….’ Carl noticed that he didn’t finish his sentence. ‘You can see her tomorrow and every day after that, if you want. And I’m not going to hurt you – if I was, would have done it by now.’  
Carl looked up at him and relaxed his grip on the toddler. ‘I know.’ He answered quietly. ‘I’m not scared of you.’ He smiled.  
Could have fooled me, Negan thought to himself. Or was it just fear for his sister?  
‘Look, I just want some peace and quiet. That’s all. Was only messing with you before.’  
Negan bent down to ruffle his hair and was relieved when the youth didn’t recoil.  
‘Come on, little one.’ Negan bent down to pick her up. ‘Let’s get you back to the nursery so me and your big brother can get some sleep, OK?’.  
Carl let him take her but followed her with his eyes as he left his room.  
….  
That night, Negan tossed and turned and finally started to doze off when he heard timid weeping.  
‘Carl?’  
No answer.  
‘I’m sorry about what I said before. I was just drunk, OK? You can see Judith tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. I won’t stop you, I promise.’  
Still no reply.  
‘I’m a dick when I’m drunk. Ask any of my wives. But I would never do that to you, you know that.’  
‘You know what those bastards did to me! Then you threaten me with the exact same thing!’ He burst out in anger. ‘No, I DON’T know that!’  
The big man sighed tiredly and turned away on his side. ‘I heard you crying by the way.’  
‘No, I wasn’t!’  
‘I hope it wasn’t because of what I said.’  
Carl said nothing but the leader heard him hitch out a long, shuddery sigh.  
It sounded like relief to the man.  
….  
The next day, Judith was delivered to Carl like a parcel in the afternoon after he had done his chores in the kitchen. He was allowed to spend the rest of the day with her before she was taken away again. They would play together and Carl would read to her so that she could learn to read. He told himself that he was doing this for his mom, not Rick but then she would go back to the nursery in the evening. Negan’s excuse was that he needed his rest at night but Carl feared the real reason, despite his reassurances. Having family there with him definitely made things better.  
After all, that threat didn’t come out by accident. He must be thinking of doing it.  
Yet over the few days his body healed and Negan didn’t make any more sexual overtures – they just slept in the same room and that was it. Sometimes, Negan stayed away most of or even the whole night and Carl guessed he was in his harem and he could breathe easy.  
Except that Negan didn’t bother to get dressed in the bathroom like he used to and like Carl always did but came out with a towel swathed around his hips. In a word, they had become more a whole lot more relaxed with one another.  
…  
‘Negan?’ A timid, boyish voice woke him from his light doze. He should have been angry but he chuckled inside. This is interesting.  
‘What do you want?’ He made his voice sound pretty rough and indifferent although he was anything but.  
‘To get in with you. Please. Can’t sleep.’  
It’s only because of what those scumbags did to him. Don’t read too much into it, Negan warned himself yet he smiled. After all, hadn’t he dreamed of this? The boy making the first move – not because he was being forced or pressured or threatened into it. After what had happened recently, hell would have to freeze over before Negan touched him like that again. But here he was.  
‘Why?’ There was such a long hesitation at first that he didn’t think Carl was going to reply. But he waited patiently. Obviously, whatever the reason, it was obviously very hard for the boy to tell him. Negan never wanted to want to be like Rick. Or those other fuckers Spencer and his best friend. When Carl came to him, he wanted it to be because he fully and sincerely wanted to.  
‘Why can’t you sleep?’ He repeated more gently this time.  
‘I…I… can feel him on top of me every time I close my eyes.’  
Him not them, Negan thought to himself. Or did he mean Spencer or Micky? No, he knew better.  
You mean Rick, don’t you?  
Don’t worry, baby, both of thems dead and your sick fuck daddy soon will be and no-one will ever be able to hurt you again.  
What a lie.  
But he kept his voice hard. ‘Who?’  
Carl let out a reluctant whimper. ‘Him.’ He whispered terrified. Negan could hear him hyperventilating, practically see him shaking with fear in the darkness.  
‘Sh. It’s OK.’ Don’t cry, just let your new Daddy Negan kiss it all better.  
‘Come here.’  
‘N…No.’ Negan could see him back off.  
‘Then why did you ask me, Carl?’  
The boy let out it a frustrated sob. ‘I don’t know!’  
But he was lying. Negan couldn’t know but it was Judith’s birthday the next day – Carl had told no one. Anyway, it also happened to be the anniversary of his mom’s death – when she was going to turn into a walker and Carl had to kill her. All because she’d died giving birth to his sister – in fact, she’d sacrificed herself to save her unborn child.  
And shortly after that, his dad lost his mind with grief and started to using Carl as a replacement for his dead wife.  
‘Why are you cryin’, baby?’  
No answer.  
Negan had enough by now and put more bite to his command even though he knew the boy was upset.  
‘Come here.’ Carl inched closer and Negan could see his outline in the dark. Near enough to touch.  
‘Easy.’ Negan stretched out his hand to stroke back the youth’s hair.  
‘Sh…’ Now he was gently tracing one side of Carl’s face with his fingers and stroking his cheek. Carl whimpered again but Negan ignored it. The bruises they’d given him had healed up by now after a few days so he knew it wasn’t that.  
This ain’t like him. He’s so …vulnerable, Negan thought to himself, wondering if maybe something else bad had happened to him that he wasn’t telling him about.  
‘Get in.’ Negan turned the bedside light on and pulled back the cover, inviting him in.  
‘No!’ Carl withdrew abruptly in panic and hovered near his sofa-bed, watching him warily.  
Negan finally lost his patience. ‘You asked me. Do you still think I’m gonna hurt you like him and whatever gutless piece of shit beat you before you got here? You been here nearly a week and I ain’t never laid a hand on ya.’ Not quite true but he meant since the first day…  
‘I know but…’  
‘You don’t have to. I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want.’ Negan yawned then as if bored by the whole thing, turned and was about to turn the bedside lamp off and go back to sleep. ‘Just ain’t my style.’  
The gamble worked.  
‘Wait.’ It was more of a plea and he could see the kid trembling, almost in tears. ‘Every time I close my eyes, he’s…he’s touchin’ me.’  
‘I ain’t gonna hurt you.’ Negan tried for the final time. ‘Not like him.’  
Carl didn’t need to be told twice and got under the covers.  
Negan reached up above his head and turned off the light while the boy didn’t make eye-contact and ducked his head, as if embarrassed.  
They lay there side by side for an awkward moment.  
Negan was at loss what to do next. Now what the fuck do I do? Does he want me to hold him? Probably, but I won’t until he tells me one way or another. Otherwise, he’ll only see that as a come-on, what with all the shit he’s been through. Or think I’m expecting something and that he has to do it.  
Fuck that shit.  
The man could feel the heat coming out from the trembling boy and suddenly Carl wordlessly turned towards him and buried his head in his chest. Negan took that cue and wrapped both arms around him.  
‘There, there.’ Negan soothed. ‘It’s OK. Do you want to talk about it?’  
He felt him shake his head but he clung to him tighter and began to sob. He wasn’t even sure what he was crying for there so many things not just Spencer’s attack but also his mom and Judith forced to grow up without her, Glen, Maggie, Beth, Daryl, Merle and even his father.  
Even for Negan and what he’d become.  
…  
‘My mom died and I had to kill her to stop her turning.’ Carl finally told him after he got control over his emotions. ‘It’ll be two years ago tomorrow.’  
Negan bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry’, he whispered and he meant it as he rubbed his back in circles. His hand even ventured towards his hair but it shied away at the last second.  
Each night from then on, even if he had to wait for Negan to visit his ‘wives’, Carl lay awake in his bed for him. Negan only held him so he could sleep and part of him felt guilty for betraying his group, even his father. I’m literally sleeping with the enemy. But then he would think, what do I owe that evil bastard anymore? Nothing. At least Negan never hurts me like he did or Spencer and his pal tried to. Even when he flirts with me, it’s only with words - he never does anything about it. He hasn’t touched me like that – no, never. 

Carl didn’t know what Negan was to him – sometimes he acted like a father, other times he teased him with sexual innuendo mercilessly. And Carl found himself staring at the other man’s body – he was strong and fit when Negan came out of the shower, only wrapped in a towel. The older man would smirk and tell him to not look while he got dressed.  
And at first he’d felt nothing the first few nights when Negan held him but after a while he found he wanted to trace the man’s chest with his fingers and he even fantasised about kissing him. He almost wished the man would do something and touch him or initiate a kiss but he never did.  
He felt himself grow hard between the legs and prayed that Negan didn’t notice. The man always made sure that there was a big space between their private parts They never touched, even when they were sleeping.  
Probably only likes women and not into guys – especially underage, skinny boys. What would he see in me anyway? Everything he said before about me and him was just to mock me.  
However, when he was alone and Judith wasn’t there, Carl would jerk off imagining he was with Negan or that the older man was the one touching him. He imagined what he could do to him with all his experience…He’d discretely checked him out and knew he was larger than his dad…He’d lost his fear of the man by then – even of his dick…Now that he knew it wasn’t going to be used to hurt him.  
One night, Negan didn’t come and Carl knew he couldn’t get out and look for him – the door was locked as usual. His captor said that it was for his own protection – even though much of the hostility had worn off from the other Saviours and especially with what happened with Spencer (he guessed everyone had heard about that), Negan warned him that there may be still more people who wished him harm. Particularly those were friends of the men he shot down and men who had been pally with his dead attackers.  
In the end, overcome with tiredness, Carl curled up into a ball and tried to sleep but still the man didn’t come. He grabbed Negan’s pillow to smell it and it comforted him a little bit. It smelled of his strong aftershave, sweat and wood shavings mixed with J.D. whiskey.  
Couldn’t be more different from his father’s. A ‘clean’ smell somehow.  
Negan always smelled like that and it was almost like he was there with him.  
Where is he? I know it’s been nearly 2 weeks…and all we do is cuddle. Probably, he’s bored with me because I don’t do anything. I want to but does he?  
Around 3am, he finally managed to fall into a fitful sleep and about 2 hours later, he was woken by the key turning in the lock.  
Negan came in, stinking of booze and perfume and Carl felt some of his initial fear come back. Would he hurt him like Rick did if he was drunk? So he got up to go to the sofa.  
‘Stay where you are!’ Negan ordered.  
He had no choice and slumped back.

Just then Negan saw what he’d been clutching. His pillow!  
‘Well, well.’ He swayed drunkenly. ‘You been hugging my pillow, sweetheart? Did you miss me that much?’ His mouth twisted in a hungry, wolfish look.  
Carl’s mouth fell open in mortification. He should have put it back! He found that he couldn’t reply.  
‘Oh, come on, baby boy. It’s OK to admit that you like me.’ The older man stripped and got into the bed naked! Carl tried to look away because Negan had never done that before. They had always slept with their clothes on.  
‘I…I want to sleep on the sofa. You’re drunk and I…’  
‘Don’t feel safe? Don’t worry, I’m not drunk enough to hurt you.’  
‘Still…’ He got up to go back to his sofa-bed.  
‘Stay here.’ Negan pulled him to him instead. ‘Now show me how much you like me.’  
Negan was being weird and he was naked! Carl’s ass was touching his groin!  
‘No, please Negan.’ But the older man wouldn’t listen as he pulled him under him and got on top. Running his hands gently under his pyjama shirt! Feeling his sides, chest and stomach! He’d never done anything like that before!  
‘Fuck, you’re skin…so smooth and soft…just like a girl...’ He heard Negan exclaim softly with awe. Under very different circumstances, Carl knew he would have liked it – all he’d been dreaming of but not like this. When he didn’t feel like he was in control and Negan was drunk and Carl could feel his hardness pressed against his buttocks.  
‘Please Dad, let me go.’ He sobbed. This was too much. ‘No, Dad! No!’


	7. Keeping Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been busy so it’s taken a while for me to update. Thanks for all your support and I hope this next chapter is worth it. Let me know if you feel like it. 
> 
> Will Negan hurt Carl or stop in time?

……  
‘Please Dad, let me go.’ He sobbed. This was too much. ‘No, Dad! No!’  
As soon as he called him that, Negan grunted and abruptly released him. Carl really wanted to run out of the door and even take the risk of bumping into someone who hated him but he knew it was locked and Negan had the key. Naturally, he didn’t feel like asking him for it or going over back to his side to look for it.

Maybe I can climb out of the window …but he knew that was pointless too. It was barred – reinforced to stop enemies getting in and him getting out.  
Instead, he ran to the sofa and got under the cover there. What if he comes over here and…and…  
Terrified, Carl pulled the covers over his head like a little kid. Yes, he did want the older man but not like that.  
Not like with his dad.

He waited for footsteps coming over to his sofa-bed but none were coming. Then he heard Negan snoring softly and he himself slowly relaxed.  
What if he tries again when I’m asleep? Will he remember tomorrow? He was pretty smashed.  
Carl eventually managed to fall asleep.  
…….  
‘Fuck, my head.’ Negan rubbed it painfully and grabbed the big bottle of water he kept by his bed side and downed a couple of painkillers. Then he saw Carl on the sofa, staring back at him in fear.  
‘What you doin’, sleeping over there?’ He looked at him with concern. ‘What’s wrong? Why you looking at me like that?’  
Carl turned away to hide his tears and clutched his blanket fretfully.  
‘What happened? Did I do something bad when I was drunk? Oh, please God no, don’t tell me I lost control and hurt you...’  
Carl turned back to look at him with anger and hurt. ‘I was scared but you wouldn’t let me sleep on the sofa-bed and…and then you took all your clothes off. You said some really weird stuff…’  
‘But I…I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ Negan looked mortified himself. ‘Didn’t…fuckin’ force myself on you? Hit you or choke you?’  
‘You got up on top of me and almost…but you let me go in the end.’  
‘Fuck.’ I’m no better than the scumbags who hurt him. It was all coming back to him now. He’d taken off all his clothes and climbed up on top of him like a …goddamn rapist. Felt him up under his shirt. But then the boy had pleaded with him to stop and had said ‘No!’ and somehow that had got through to him in his alcohol and drug-fuelled haze and he’d finally let him go.

Thank God.  
‘I’m so sorry. You must have been fuckin’ terrified.’ He made to get up from the bed after this rare apology and go to him but Carl immediately recoiled back against the wall so he didn’t.  
‘I can only say that it will never, ever happen again. I’ll never come in here when I’m off my face – I’ll tell the others and they’ll make sure I sleep somewhere else next time.’

‘Whatever.’ Carl retorted indifferently and suddenly eyeballed him hard, looking more like his old, steely self.  
Then he turned away like he was dismissing him.  
Negan opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it just as soon as. He really didn’t know what else to say. But thinking that he could show Carl he really was no threat, he got up and went over to the sofa-bed and reached for the other’s shoulder.  
‘No.’ Carl said calmly without even turning around. 

Negan sighed and drew back. Jesus fucked – I need to get out of here.  
‘I’ll decide what to with you tomorrow.’ He announced coldly to room before he stormed out.  
Carl’s fearless façade broke and he started to shake after his captor left and he started to shake under his covers.  
He squeezed his eyes shut and curled up into a ball, hugging his knees to him.  
I’m such a little pussy, he’s right. He berated himself mercilessly, using his father’s words. Must be to let him…do that stuff to me without fighting back. What’s he going to do to me? He said sorry, then he acted like I did something wrong, not him. I shouldn’t have told him ‘No’ – just let him do whatever he wants because now he’s going to get rid of me, maybe Judith as well. Is he going to kill us? Or trade us – maybe sell us? Probably hand us straight back to Dad and take other hostages. 

He shuddered. Just the thought of having that bastard’s greedy hands all over him, grabbing him roughly with no tenderness or even care, forcing him...Carl had a feeling that with Negan it would be very different but now he would never know.

Why did he feel sad about that? He should hate Negan! Negan was no better than Rick!  
Yet, somehow, being reunited with his father seemed like the worst case scenario. Especially if the Saviour leader took others from their group to replace him and Carl knew he wasn’t worth the sacrifice. Yet that seemed unlikely. As did killing them because of course Negan held the trump cards while he held his enemy’s children.

I shouldn’t have said ‘No’ to him like that. It was rude, especially when he didn’t actually hurt me… His mind was running in circles, chasing its own tail. The thought came to him then and immediately disgusted him that maybe if he proved to Negan how good he was in bed, he might let him live. Let them stay. There were worst things after all and at least he knew that he wouldn’t make him do stuff with anyone else. Besides, Rick had coached him well how to use his mouth and fingers. Besides, he couldn’t be worse than his dad who had been getting a lot rougher lately, choking him and beating him while he thrust inside him. Remembering the last brutal time with his father, he almost let out a small sob and hugged himself tighter. 

Why did it almost feel like Negan had rescued him? And why had he been secretly hoping – only for a split second - that he would choose to kill his father? How could he think that? He shook his head and forced himself to take a reality check. Negan was way more of a psycho than his dear old dad. He was cruel and sadistic and tortured people just for the fun of it. And just because he let him sleep on the sofa and hadn’t touched him yet, had fed him, taken him to the Infirmary to treat his injuries and protected him didn’t mean he wasn’t going to kill him one day. Or force him into his bed and make him do things like he threatened in the beginning even he said he would never do that. 

But the words that Carl heard outside in the corridor made his blood run even colder.  
‘Yeah, I’m lockin’ him in. His cryin’ and pleadin’ with me to stop every time I fuck him is puttin’ me off. Kid is fuckin’ boring.’ Some other men’s dirty laughter in response accompanying Negan’s filthy chuckles. ’Maybe I’ll pass him around and you can all fuck him into submission for me.’ Even louder guffaws at that which seemed to be for his benefit.  
Carl curled himself up into an even smaller ball – if that was possible and sobbed into his pillow.  
No. He wouldn’t do that… Why’s he saying that to them? God – I m  
ust have offended him more than I realised…  
Seems all he did these days was cry like a sissy and feel scared.  
Maybe being ‘strong’ and ‘silent’ through the last two years of suffering his father’s pawings and his beatings for Judith’s and the group’s sake, the illusion that he had found someone he felt safe with – a kind of Dad replacement (well, most of the time) and in a place away from his dad. That maybe Sanctuary reality was a kind of sanctuary now that Negan had killed the bad men who had tried to hurt him was shattered.  
Was I meant to hear that? My punishment for refusing him last night because maybe he wasn’t as cool with it or sorry that he scared me as he made out.  
Is he threatening me?  
The door suddenly opened.  
‘Who is that?’ He feared that Negan had kept his promise and sent one of this men to ‘fuck him into submission’ but he didn’t see who by because they quickly locked the door again without answering. Then Judith toddled in, ready with her plump arms reaching for him. Embarrassed, he sniffed and wiped his eyes. Last thing he wanted was to scare her by letting her see him cry.  
‘Carl! Carl!’  
‘Judith!’ He swept her up. ‘Who brought you in?’  
She just babbled excitedly.

Throughout the day, substantial meals were delivered to them both (more than they could eat actually) and more books for him and toys for Judith by some of the women he recognised from the canteen but they didn’t stay and chat. He didn’t know their names. Carl knew he would have gone stir-crazy if he wasn’t already if not for his sister and part of him kept hoping that Negan would pop in and tell him that he didn’t mean what he said. To give him another chance to show how grateful he was. He’d tell him that he wasn’t scared of him – No- he’d do more than that. He’d show him he wasn’t.  
But Carl didn’t get the chance – not that night anyway.  
The only man he saw was Dwight. He picked up Judith and swung her around while she giggled then he sat down on the bed.  
It’s only Dwight. He’s not going to hurt her – he’s harmless.  
Then why did he have that impulse to run at him and snatch her out of his arms?  
Carl shook his head.  
‘Did Negan send you?’ He asked their visitor.  
‘Just told me to check up on you and the little one.’ The scarred man fondly dandled the child on his lap and she screeched and tangled his hair in her fists just like she did to Carl.  
Dwight winced then laughed and got his hair free somehow. ‘Here take her.’  
Then his face darkened. ‘I don’t know what the hell you did but the boss ain’t happy with you.’  
Carl stared at him. ‘What I did?’  
Dwight stood up and brushed the dust of his jeans and looked away hurriedly. ‘I don’t want to know what went on between you. Just offerin’ some friendly advice. Please him. Do whatever he wants…’  
Carl looked at him with wide eyes of disbelief and shook his head. Judith fell silent and watched them.  
‘Just tellin’ you, son, what you can do to make your life here more bearable.’  
‘You mean…!’ Carl spluttered angrily. ‘I’m not some kind of…!’ He felt dirty and insulted.  
‘Come now, not in front of the baby.’ Dwight interrupted and jerked his head in her direction before he went and shrugged. ‘Most of us have had to do things to survive. Things we would never have done before…the… I mean things that make us feel sick just thinking about ‘em.’  
Dwight walked across the room and laid his hand on the door handle but looked back meaningfully at them before he turned it.  
‘Why should you be any different?’ Was his passing shot before he left the bedroom and he tapped the burnt side of his face.  
Carl watched him leave and heard the key turn in the lock before he grabbed his sister and held her to him. He didn’t realise he was shaking until she started struggling to be let go.  
One of the nursery women came in later to take her. She also didn’t hang around. They’ve obviously had strict orders not to dawdle here. Except Dwight – he’s different somehow as Negan’s right-hand man. He was told to tell me to behave and toe the line. Does that mean that when Negan comes back, he’s going to expect…? Carl could hardly bear to think about it although part of him had been dreaming of it.  
But he said he wouldn’t force me!  
…  
Carl waited that night and the next and the next while his daily routine was more or less the same. He was locked in but was fed and allowed to spend time with his sister until he would have done anything to be let out to do his chores.  
When she wasn’t there, he found himself touching himself while imagining it was the man’s hands on him. When Negan finally did turn up one noon-time, Carl would have run into his arms except Negan’s expression held him back.  
‘Negan?’ Where have you been? I…I missed you. But he didn’t say this. Why did you leave me alone so long?

‘Guess you don’t trust me anymore, not that I blame you.’ Negan chose his words carefully and kept his distance. Even from Judith.  
Carl looked at him with hooded eyes. ‘I heard what you told them…about passing me around and ‘letting them fuck me into submission’.  
Negan, to his credit, did look a little embarrassed. ‘Oh, come on. You know I didn’t mean that – just playing a role, that’s all.’  
‘Still…’  
‘Carl, I would never let them hurt you…’  
But you did stop…Eventually.’ He replied. ‘You didn’t actually do it.’  
‘That ain’t good enough. Can’t trust myself around you.’  
‘But…’  
‘Look, this is yours.’ Negan tossed him something silver and shiny from his pocket. It was the key to the room. ‘I got a spare.’  
‘What?’ Carl turned it over in his hands in wonder. ‘Why?’  
‘I’ve decided what to do with you and I’m setting you free. If you want to go back home, you can.’  
‘What about Judith?’  
‘Judith too.’  
But he didn’t look very happy like Negan expected.  
‘You know my dad will try to kill you if we leave?’  
Negan shrugged. ‘He’s outnumbered and outgunned.’  
‘When can we go?’  
‘Now if you want to.’  
Carl paused. ‘Can I have time to think about it?’  
‘You are free to leave whenever you want. I don’t want to keep you a prisoner here anymore. But you’re free to stay although I can’t imagine why you would. Must be missing your dad, right?’ Negan carefully probed.  
A cloud passed over the youth’s features and he looked away without answering.  
Negan recalled what Carl had called him the night before. ‘Please Dad, Let me go…No, Dad! No!’. He hated himself for reminding the boy of his daddy and what he did to him. It was proved now.

Does the kid remember calling me ‘Dad’? He seems never to realise.  
‘And I promise that if you stay, I won’t ask anything from you. Except 1 thing.’ The leader lay down the law.  
Carl’s face went pale as he turned to look back at him, sure that he knew. Negan was going to say that he wanted a blowjob or something similar and he had to admit that even if he did, he would probably still say yes.  
Dirty little slut. His father whispered in his ear.  
‘What?’  
‘Tell me who gave you all those bruises when you came here and why you don’t want to go home to your daddy. Ain’t normal for a son not to want to be with his father or want his sister to be with him either, don’t you think?’  
Carl sunk down on the bed. There was always a price. After all, Negan had told him he would have to tell him and he hadn’t let it go during all these weeks like he thought.  
‘Oh, actually there’s 2 things. Second one is that I want you to swear loyalty to me and renounce yours to Rick to become a Saviour. Of course, I won’t make you do any of the really gritty stuff – if you don’t want to. You can just be my assistant and do the farming, book-keeping and cooking shit. Whatever you want to do but if you decide to stay - you need to start making a proper contribution, not just washing the dishes.’  
With that, he left the room without bothering to lock it for the first time.  
……  
Carl sunk down onto the bed to think long and hard about it. Yes, Negan had assaulted him but he’d stopped when he told him ‘No’. He wasn’t usually like that and Carl knew that it was only because he was drunk and high and he believed him when he said that it would never happen again.  
That’s still no excuse. He could get off his head again and this time be too out of it to listen to you, the practical voice in his head spoke up.  
But he’s given me a key. I won’t be his prisoner anymore. 

But in the Sanctuary, there was plenty of food and protection for Judith. Plenty of medicine too if they got sick. Carl deliberately didn’t think about the way the Saviours sourced all of these. Best of all, they were away from their father and if Carl didn’t miss all the other people in the group like hell, he wouldn’t even have to think twice about what was best. They were in the Sanctuary, with Saviours and while he didn’t agree with their brutal way of going on runs or their barbaric punishment system, he and Judith were safe from all that, shielded by their protector. He knew Negan would keep his word and not make him deal out the grisly punishments or go on runs to pillage other groups. Wouldn’t make him kill or torture anyone. In fact, they wouldn’t really have to worry about a thing. Besides, he was attracted to Negan and he made him feel safe with him 99% of the time up to that night and Judith liked him too. And he obviously doted on Judith. 

But what about Dad? It’ll kill him if he never gets his kids back. Renounce his loyalty to him? To all the others in the group? People he loved? But did he love Judith or the group more? What were these feelings for Negan? He definitely knew now that Negan wanted him too. Or was he only attracted to him because he had power of life or death over them all?  
That voice of no nonsense practicality spoke up again. Your fuckin’ pervert of a dad doesn’t deserve children. What if he starts on Judith when she’s older? Anyways, most of the people you were really close to are gone. Except for Maggie. He felt bad for Maggie. But where was she? It’s safer to be on the winner’s team. He hated himself for thinking like a coward but it wasn’t just him. He had his little sister to think about. Protect her from his sicko father.  
Besides, his dad had been getting more violent and Carl didn’t think he could take being his punchbag or a substitute for his dead mother anymore. The weeks in the Sanctuary where he hadn’t been living in constant fear and his bruises had healed up made him remember who he used to be and how life was. Negan giving him harmless affection (well, up to that night) made him remember what that felt like.  
I didn’t deserve it. Any of it. Judith certainly doesn’t. He had Daryl and Merle killed – I know he did - and used me as the reason.  
I hate him!  
And I love Negan.  
That realization came as a shock because Carl knew he would forgive Negan almost anything.  
Had already forgiven him.  
….  
That night, Negan raised his eyebrows and couldn’t suppress the grin on his face when he saw that Carl was in his pyjamas and waiting for him.  
‘So, you’re still here?’  
‘So far.’  
‘So you haven’t completely made up your mind yet. Do you trust me? You know you’ve got the key if you need to leave the room.’  
Carl grinned back at him. ‘I trust you.’  
Negan shook his head, amazed at how quickly the kid had recovered.  
‘Can I get in with you?’  
Negan frowned. ‘You sure? After what I did?’

Carl gave him a sunny smile in return. ‘You didn’t mean to hurt me. Wouldn’t have, anyway.’  
‘Still….sure you don’t want to play it safe and sleep on the sofa tonight?’  
‘Nah.’ Negan was taken aback. The boy looked almost arrogant, cocky. Not a hint of fear of him and it was the hottest thing the former high school P.E. teacher had ever seen. Were his lips redder?  
‘OK, then.’ 

Negan got dressed in his night clothes in silence, neither one looking at the other and Negan got in and held his arms out. ‘Come on, then.’  
Carl melted into them gratefully.  
‘Go to sleep.’  
Carl did.  
….  
Carl woke up before Negan, and gently pushed his arms off him. He yawned and stretched.  
He patted his own key in his pyjama pocket to make sure it was still there.  
‘Carl? It’s only 5am. Go back to sleep, baby.’  
Carl grinned and got settled back in the older man’s arms.  
On an impulse, he turned around and kissed the other’s lips, tentatively.  
Negan’s eyes flew open. He’d been dreaming of this moment. But he still hung back, hesitantly, making sure that it was really Carl who had done that.  
When Carl kissed him again, a little more insistently, Negan finally opened up his mouth and let their tongues collide. With one hand, he started stroking the youth’s hair soothingly.  
When he slid his other hand tentatively under his pyjama shirt, the boy recoiled.  
‘Sorry.’ He immediately took his hand away.  
‘No – I’m sorry. It’s just that it reminded me of him and…and… last night…sorry…’.  
‘Who?’  
‘Don’t talk about him and spoil things!’ He spat. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll suck you, if you like…He says I’m real good with my mouth...’ But he sounded like he was sobbing as he started to pull down the older man’s pyjama bottoms but was stopped by a hand. ‘Just don’t make us leave.’  
‘Don’t.’  
‘What?’  
‘I ain’t your fuckin’ Daddy!’ He snapped, regretting it as soon as he did when he felt the boy flinch.  
‘What?’ Carl breathed, shocked.  
‘You don’t have to please me just to stop me getting angry. Or to get what you want.’  
‘But I want to…’ He protested like a petulant child and even in the dark, Negan could sense him pouting up at him.

Fuck, if he keeps going like that, I won’t be able to resist him!  
‘No, you don’t.’ Negan told him firmly and reached up and turned the light on. He cupped his face and made him look up at him.  
‘No, you don’t. I already told you that you can both stay. I don’t want you doing anything that you don’t want to do, told you that before.’  
‘But I don’t want to leave.’  
‘And I don’t want you to. But I had to give you the choice.’ Because Good Ole Rick never gave you one, did he?  
…  
As if in answer, Carl reached up and kissed him full on the mouth while deliberately grinding against his erection. Negan sighed and moaned with pleasure. He softly caressed Carl all over his body under his shirt and this time he didn’t stop him. So Negan pulled down his bottoms and got on top of him. He found the jar of lube he kept in his bedside drawer.  
Before he opened it, he asked ‘Is this what you want, Carl?’ He knew if he didn’t ask then, he never would. And he had to be sure.

But the teenage boy had frozen with a glassy look in his eyes. He was just lying there motionless on his back.  
Fuck – he might as well be dead. The thought chilled Negan and sent a shard of ice tearing into his chest.  
‘Do you want me to stop? Not ready?’  
No reply.  
Obviously not. With a sigh, Negan rolled off him. The older man recognised the signs of physical submission when the mind wasn’t consenting. He knew that Carl was just laying there, too terrified to even say ‘No’ and was no doubt waiting for it to be over as quickly as possible. 

Just like he probably did every time he endured Daddy Dearest’s dubious affections.  
Back in the old world, Negan’d had a girlfriend who had been raped by her ex once. Negan set the creep up for something else and made sure he got a heavy jail sentence because they couldn’t get him on what he’d done to her. Back in those days before the whole world went to shit, he didn’t kill or torture people.  
Or fuck little boys either. 

He’d been a high-school P.E. teacher for fuck’s sake and even the thought of it used to make him sick. He couldn’t understand the temptation of kids. He liked women and occasionally, a fully-grown man in his bed. That taste had only come with the Apocalypse.  
But times had changed. Besides, he told himself that Carl was more mature for his age – the things he’d been through saw to that. The leader told himself that he wasn’t abusing him, he was trying to heal him. 

What a shitty excuse. Sure - no child molester ever used that one before.  
Carl had now turned over onto his side furtherest away from him and curled up in a defensive little ball. But Negan gripped him by the chin and forced him to look up at him and saw that there were tears in his eyes. Oh, sweetheart. Let me make it all better.  
‘What do you want, Carl? What do you want us to do? Do you want us to stop?’  
‘I…I don’t know…’

‘I probably moved too fast. You want me to touch you? You don’t have to do nothin’ else and we don’t have to go the whole way. I just want to make you relax and feel good. You know, like when we jerk ourselves off?’  
He turned his head to the side. ‘Maybe…yeah…’  
Negan started to pull down the boy’s pants. ‘Or I can suck you if you like? That feels way better, believe me…’ Carl had never had a blowjob before.  
‘Yeah…’ He answered dreamily but when Negan lowered his lips to do just that, Carl shrieked and pushed him away and pulled them back up again and got out of the bed. Just hovered by the bed.  
Negan should have seen that Carl hadn’t really been there. His mind wasn’t anyway even if his body was. The man cursed himself.  
This kid is really fucked up and if I didn’t think he was worth it, I wouldn’t bother. Negan knew he could make his broken boy whole again.  
He only needed time.  
And love.  
And patience.

But Carl was sobbing now and covering his eyes with his hands.  
‘Or you want me to hold you? Not touch you? You want to go back to sleeping on the sofa? Believe me, I’d understand.’ But Negan didn’t touch him first, only encouraged him to make his own choice. He knew that pushing things at this point would only freak him out.  
Carl looked at him with helpless tears in his eyes and shook his head.  
‘What do you want, Carl?’

He only looked at him in confusion and tried to run back to his bed.  
‘Stay there and answer my question!’ It came out more forceful than Negan intended.  
He froze and his lower lip trembled.  
‘Sorry, son. Didn’t mean to shout.’  
Carl only looked at him with an unfathomable expression.  
‘What do you want?’ Negan repeated, more gently this time. ‘Just tell me what me what you want me to do. Or not do. Either’s OK.’  
The boy looked away then back to him with an empty expression in his eyes before he looked down at the ground.  
‘You don’t know, do you?’

‘No…’ He choked and looked up at him as he painfully admitted it.  
‘What did he do to you? And I don’t mean that scumbag Spencer or his pal!’  
‘What? Who?’ Carl made his eyes go all wide and innocent in a look that almost had Negan undone if he hadn’t possessed the iron will to restrain himself.  
‘Drop the act. I know who beat the shit out of you before you even got here. And you called me ‘Dad’ when you were telling me to get off you that night. And ain’t the first time you called me that neither.’


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay – I have had a lot of work to do. Anyway, I hope you haven’t lost interest because here’s the next chapter!
> 
> Carl finally tells Negan what his dad did to him and they get closer.

Carl’s head shot up. ‘I call you…him?’ He stared up at him in total confusion. ‘But I wouldn’t…No…’  
Negan watched him carefully. Poor kid doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. He still thinks I’m fucking with him.  
‘You don’t even remember all the times you called me dad. What does he do to you, son?’ 

The big man gripped his chin gently and forced Carl to look up at him. Right then, there was no lascivious glint in his eyes and he could have been a concerned baseball coach talking to one of his students. Which was exactly what he was in his past life.  
‘Why don’t you want to go home?’ He added softly. ‘What does he do to you besides beat the livin’ crap out of you?’  
The boy felt the full intensity of his questioning gaze and he wilted under it, knowing that there was no escape.  
Not this time. Negan wanted answers and what Negan wanted, he usually got.

Carl badly wanted to pull away but he didn’t dare to. Now, he would have to tell Negan the truth about him and his dad and to be fair, Negan had waited patiently a long time.  
‘Because…Because he punishes me.’ He replied and reluctantly explained. ‘In…In…’, his chest hitched. ‘In other ways.’ He shuddered and his voice cracked. ‘Worse ways that really fuckin’ hurt!’  
Negan nodded sadly and removed his hand from just under his chin to run in it through the teen’s hair in sympathy. ‘Well, that much was obvious from what you called me that time in bed.’  
This time when he did that, Carl leaned into his hand.  
‘What does he do, son? Say it!’

‘He fucks me, OK!’ Carl snapped back in sudden fury, matching fire with fire.  
‘There! I said it. Happy now?’  
Negan shook his head again. ‘No, I’aint.’ But I’m glad to see you show some anger at last and be the boy who stormed in here with guns blazing in vainglory.  
And was that suicide mission of yours also a way for you to escape from Daddy Dearest? Would you rather die than suffer his touch one more time? Maybe you were also afraid that when little sis got older, he’d start playing grown-up games with her and thought you’d take your chances with bad, old Negan?  
‘Does anyone in your group know?’  
Carl vehemently shook his head. ‘Dad used to be the Sheriff before it happened. Guess he knows how to cover his tracks.’ The man could hear the bitterness in the youth’s voice.  
‘Didn’t you tell anyone what he was doing to you?’  
His face darkened. ‘Who would I tell? They all thinks he walks on water and the 2 people I did tell are dead now ‘cos of me!’

‘What happened?’  
‘Doesn’t matter. Rick killed them.’ He looked away in shame.  
‘Oh.’ Of course, he did. Couldn’t risk having his dirty little secret coming out. Negan considered forcing him to go into more detail but one look at the boy told him how excruciatingly hard it was even to get this open secret out of him.  
‘He threatens to hurt my sister if I don’t let him do what he wants. Not like I could stop him anyway but I guess it makes him feel better to think he’s giving me a choice.’ His voice was full of unshed tears.

‘Threatens his own daughter?’ Even Negan was shocked although he figured that he shouldn’t be about anything the bastard did.  
Carl smirked. ‘She might not be -that’s the point. At least that’s what he says. She could be Shane’s – mom slept with his best friend when we all thought he was dead. Rick loves throwing that in our faces.’  
‘Pity he came back from the dead.’ Was Negan’s harsh reply.  
Carl gave him a sharp look. Was it anger? After everything his father had done to him?  
Did Carl still love his sick fuck twisted daddy?

‘I’m sorry, Carl.’  
He squinted back at him with narrowed eyes. Kid still doesn’t fully trust me – thinks I’m mocking him.  
I’ll be your new daddy or anything else you need. Just say the word.  
‘And I’m sorry for acting just like him and bringing it all back for ya. I’ll never do it again, promise.’  
Carl looked back at him and his lower lip trembled and his eyes grew wet.  
‘You can talk to me, you really can. Tell me anythin’…’  
‘Negan.’ He inched closer falteringly like he was undecided. 

The man immediately held out his arms. ‘It’s OK, baby.’ Negan drew him slowly into his lap when the boy didn’t object. Despite the suggestive position, it seemed natural somehow and the man could feel the youth’s heart immediately start to slow down.  
Boy feels safe with me. He thought to himself. He ain’t worried I’m gonna hurt him anymore. Something in his chest grew warm and spread.  
‘OK?’ Negan asked him questioningly. The boy nodded. Negan could tell he was exhausted with the dark rings under his eyes.  
‘Tell ole Daddy Negan all ‘bout it.’ He ordered quietly and put his arm around him comfortingly and drew them both back against the headboard and put the cover over them. Negan smiled when Carl didn’t even object to him calling himself that.

‘I know you think he’s a monster but he wasn’t always like it.’  
‘Could’ve fooled me.’  
‘Jus’ my mom dying broke somethin’ inside him and he told me it was my fault. I even think he blames Judith too for being born.’  
‘Your mom died in childbirth?’  
Carl nodded.  
‘Why the fuck does he blame you for it?’  
‘’Cos I had to put her down…after…’ He teared up at the memory and felt the leader’s hand brush his nape soothingly.  
‘You killed her after she died to stop her turning.’ Negan added knowingly.  
‘Yes…’ The boy buried his head in his hands in shame. But Negan took them away and shook him gently. ‘Weren’t ya fault. Look at me!’  
‘No…It’s true! I – I killed her!’ He looked away.

Negan eyeballed him and shook him again, harder this time. ‘Ain’t ya fault and don’t you ever believe it! Even if he told you that!’  
Carl looked up at him tearfully with that damn lower lip of his trembling and Negan couldn’t help get turned on by it although usually having lovers who weren’t willing and crying turned him off.  
‘Now, now.’ He hushed him and brushed his hair back. ‘I just want you to see.’  
‘He told me I killed her and that I had to pay for it. He said that he had heard her tell me to ‘look after’ him and that was what I had to do.’  
‘Jesus! I’m sorry, son. How old were you the…the first time?’  
’14 just about. First, he just made us touch each other…I said I didn’t want to but he said he might lose it and do something bad to my sister if I didn’t, then…then he …’  
Negan clenched his fists at his sides and growled, ‘Raped you.’

‘He didn’t! ‘Cos I let him…’ Carl was indignant.  
‘Yeah he did! He blackmailed you! Forced you!’  
‘It’s not his fault…losing mom made him crazy…’  
‘Don’t you ever excuse him, boy!’ Negan shook him. ‘He had a choice!’  
‘But mom told me to make sure that he was OK…’

‘She didn’t mean like that!’  
‘Look, son. Seriously, you think it was your fault that he turned into a monster? Just because he heard your mom say that? She didn’t mean for you take her place in their bed! He twisted it! Besides, you didn’t have no choice but to kill her – she was dead already!’  
‘He was always gentle – did it slow. He tried not to hurt me!’  
‘Yeah…that ain’t what the doc said. Then you go and turn up here all black and blue.’  
‘He was at first! He even said sorry and promised not to do it again!’

Negan humpfed. ‘Well, he obviously stuck to his promise. ‘Cos why did you make sure you that you’d get caught? You must have known you wouldn’t survive.’  
‘Cos’ that was the only way I could do some damage to your people and get away from him!’ Carl retorted.  
‘Because you wanted to die.’  
‘No!’  
‘Yes!’  
‘OK! I did!’ Carl buried his head in his hands. ‘I just wanted it to be fuckin’ over!’  
‘He made you want to die. Being dead was better than having him do that to you and you had little sis to think about. What about when she gets older and he turns his eye on her? You couldn’t take the risk!’

Negan held him closer and stroked his hair. ‘Your daddy hurt you so bad, he made you want to die.’ He told him sadly in a softer voice.  
‘Yes.’ Carl finally admitted it and broke down.  
‘It wasn’t your fault…You didn’t kill your mother and you didn’t want to be fucked. No kid deserves to be punished like that, no matter what they did. No-one!’  
Carl cried harder and cuddled closer into him.  
‘Sh…It’s OK. I’m here. I won’t let him get at you.’  
…..  
Negan rolled out of bed and softly grunted. Carl was still clinging to his shirt so he disengaged his fingers without waking him.  
‘Think I’ll pay Rick the Saint a little visit.’ He thought aloud to the room. At that name, Carl sat up. ‘No, NO! Fuck off, Rick!’  
He was still half-asleep and obviously in a panic.

Negan chuckled at his feistiness. And his reaction at his dad’s name although it wasn’t anything to laugh at. Yet he sure looks cute with his hair all mussed. Bed- hair….Fuck, - I’ll need someone to throw a bucket of cold ice water over me if he keeps this up….  
‘Wake-up, sleepy head!’ He shook him gently.  
‘Negan?’  
‘Mornin’, sweetheart.’  
‘Don’t call me that!’ Carl was indignant.

‘Alright! Don’t get ya panties in a twist!’ Negan teased, his lips turned up at the corners in amusement.  
Carl tensed his fists. ‘Stop it!’  
‘Well, well. Look who got out of the bed on the wrong side this morning.’  
‘I ain’t a sissy! Stop sayin’ stuff like that!’  
Negan chuckled. Oh boy, I could just eat you up when you’re all angry like this. Fighting back.  
And just like he read his mind, Carl growled and launched himself at him. 

Negan laughed and easily caught him, pinning his arms to his side so that he couldn’t move. Carl struggled and cursed him.  
‘Now, now. Better wash out that potty mouth of yours. And I know the best way.’ He leered jokingly at him.  
‘Fuck you!’  
‘OK, then.’ Negan rolled him over so he was under him on the bed.  
‘No!’

‘Fine.’ He immediately got off him.  
But Carl grinned cockily and threw himself at him again.  
If I didn’t know any better, he’s enjoying this. Makes a change from the last few days …like kickass Carl much better than sad, weeping Carl…He’s sexy as hell and he obviously wants to wrestle with his new Daddy. 

Once again, Negan pinned him to the bed.  
Carl giggled, showing no fear even though the man checked his eyes for any signs of fear or distress Not even when Negan didn’t let him go at first.  
‘Come on then, baby boy.’ He released his wrists and ran his hand through the youth’s hair. ‘You want more?’  
Carl closed his eyes in anticipation and nodded.  
Negan leant down and lay a tender kiss on his forehead before he kissed his closed eyes, his two cheeks before he made his way to his lips. He just let their lips mouths bump, like requesting permission.

Carl didn’t open his eyes but opened his mouth, accepting their kiss.  
Negan kissed him deeply and Carl murmured in approval, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck. Then he felt himself being lifted off the bed before the man kissing him decided enough was enough and broke away.  
Carl’s eyes finally shot open and he smiled lazily up at him. Negan felt his dick stirring in his pants and knew he would take him right there and then if the boy didn’t object. And by the look of him, he might not and Negan would be able to do whatever he wanted but he didn’t want it like that.  
Down, down. Plenty of time for that – no need to rush things.  
What burns slow doesn’t get burnt.  
‘Come on. Let’s go and shower.’ He momentarily considered asking the boy to join him but decided that they weren’t ready for that. ‘Got a bunch of shit to do before lunch.’ 

With that, he stripped off his top deliberately so that the boy could see his muscular body and toned abs before he went into the bathroom.  
Carl admired the view, for the first time openly. Then he sighed and lay back on his side of the bed and stretched his hands behind his head on the headboard.  
For the first time in months he felt safe.  
He felt happy.  
….  
After breakfast and they were back in their room to brush up, Negan told Carl, ‘I’m going to go and pay your group a visit. See what they rustled up for my tribute. Wanna join me?’  
Negan felt a little sorry for Carl’s wince at that and wanted to say something but he couldn’t as a shadow passed over the other’s countenance.  
‘Are…are you going to hurt anyone?’ Carl asked hurriedly.  
Negan couldn’t resist. ‘Maybe, maybe not. Hell, maybe I’ll even kill Daddy for you – kill 2 birds with 1 stone if you want. What do you say to that, Sweetcheeks?’  
Carl shot him a panicked look, forgetting to get angry at the name in his fear for his friends. ‘Please don’t hurt them, especially not him.’  
‘You’re jokin’, right? Why do you care about Rick after what he did to you?’  
‘He’s sick…weren’t always like that. He…he used to love me. Us. You don’t know what he was like before ….he used to be a good man.’  
‘Just don’t hurt anyone, please!’ He begged.

‘I know he’s your dad ‘n’ all but don’t never make excuses for that raping piece of shit to me again, OK?’  
‘OK, OK! Just please don’t kill anyone. Please don’t, for me, OK?’  
‘I won’t, as long as they play nice and have kept their side of the bargain and got some nice tribute for me. Maybe you should tag along and make sure things don’t get out of hand.’

‘Don’t want to see him.’  
‘Fine. Your choice. I understand.’  
‘Promise you won’t kill him?’  
Negan cupped his face with his big hands. ‘Not if you don’t want me to. Don’t mean that I won’t want to when I clap eyes on him after what you told me…’  
‘Don’t hurt him either. Please.’  
Negan didn’t answer and took his hands away.

Carl thought maybe he should have gone with him but he was afraid that Rick would take one look at them and know. Also, seeing the others…slaving away for the Saints and knowing that he was now practically one of them – he couldn’t face them.  
FUCK! Negan promised not to kill dad but didn’t say he wouldn’t hurt him.  
‘I want to come.’ He suddenly changed his mind.  
‘Come in what way, son?’ Negan teased and chuckled dirtily at the deep blush spreading across the youth’s cheeks.  
‘I MEAN I want to go with you when you go and see my group!’  
‘Too late, son. Gave you the choice so you’ll have to stay here. I promise no-one will interfere with you.’ Then,  
he rapidly strode out, not giving him a chance to follow.  
‘You can’t do this!’ Carl yelled after him through the closed door.  
Then he realised that the door wasn’t locked and he was free to go. He’d forgotten that Negan had offered him his freedom.  
Yet he didn’t dare run after him. 

What if he hurts Dad? Shouldn’t have told him that stuff! What if he loses it and kills him anyway? He was really angry when I told him what he did to me.  
Fuck! What have I done! He buried his head in his hands.

...  
Oh no! What's Negan going to do to Rick for hurting Carl? Actually - do we care? ha ha


	9. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Negan’s gone to see Rick. Will he be able to stop himself from killing him?

Negan took his right-hand man and a few others to collect the tribute. As Dwight drove along, the big man swigged neat whiskey from his flask.  
The other men in the back of the truck were silent, sensing their leader’s vengeful mood but not knowing the reason for it. For all they knew, he was looking to take his bad mood out on somebody and one or two of them hugged their weapons to them. 

After he chugged back the last drop, Negan belched loudly. He gripped the flask tightly with his hands, his anger building and building when he pictured Carl’s bruised and battered body and recalled how he froze in fear. 

‘Jesus fucked, Dwight! Can’t you drive any faster?’ He tapped Lucille impatiently on his knee.  
‘I got to be careful, my lord. The walking dead could be herding up on the road ahead.’  
The other men kept their eyes ahead. They knew that the burnt man had a special relationship with Negan that earned him certain privileges and only he dared to answer him back.  
Negan growled and glared at him but otherwise didn’t reply.

When they arrived, Carol spotted them from where she was on guard near the entrance of the camp and she ran back to tell the others.  
‘Get me Rick.’ He told next person they saw a pretty young blonde girl and Negan could sense their interest.

She looked like she wanted to spit at him and her cheeks flooded red with her own anger but she nodded.  
‘Remember – don’t get heavy-handed unless they fight back just collect the tribute and bring it out here for me to count.’  
‘Yes, my lord.’ They said in unison.

‘How about me and you have a little talk.’ Negan slung his arm around the enemy leader in an openly friendly way but he could feel the other man tremble a little under his hand and the undisguised fear of the man’s group. But Rick could do nothing against him and neither could they. After all, the group’s weapons had all been taken away and they had been threatened with pain of death if they tried to hide any. 

I bet your son does the same every time you touch him, you bastard.  
He saw the other leader fight to control himself and keep his poker-face, just like he wasn’t bothered with the pain especially when he pressed Lucille into his back.  
‘Where’s Carl?’ Rick managed to keep the anxiety out of his voice. He knew that Negan had his kids because he’d been told what Carl did last time they came for their tribute. The leader hadn’t been with them then but wanted him to know to use it as leverage against him.  
You don’t deserve to have a boy like that. ‘None of your business, asshole.’ 

‘Is…Is he OK?’  
‘No, he’s fuckin’ not. But you know all about that, don’t you, Rick?’  
Rick’s eyebrows shot up a mile at that and the two men flanking them exchanged curious glances. The former Sheriff’s thoughts went into overdrive. Has he told Negan about us? Why would he do that? Or did he see his bruises last time I had to punish him?  
But why does he care?  
‘Get in there.’ They came to the bottom of the steps and Negan roughly shoved him into the dark cellar through the door.  
‘Wait at the top.’ He had told his minions before they descended. ‘Make sure we ain’t disturbed.’  
He turned the bright light on and started swinging Lucille around right in front of the father’s face and he grudgingly had to mentally give Rick credit for not flinching one iota.  
‘What…what you gonna do? We got you everything on the list.’ Rick said as soon as Negan had shut them inside.  
‘Kill you.’ Negan grinned charmingly at him and no-one who didn’t know him would have guessed the rage seething inside him.  
‘Please….’  
‘Don’t beg, Rick. It don’t look pretty on you. Have some dignity.’  
‘But my people…my kids…they need me.’  
Negan frowned and looked at him askance.  
‘You think first of your group before Carl and Judith? Yeah - that figures. He told me that you don’t see her as your own – your wife had an affair with your best friend. And who could blame her married to an ugly fuck like you?’  
‘That ain’t true! I love her – she is mine! Did you hurt him because of what he did? He’s just a kid. Please God, no…’  
Negan smirked at him. ‘You asking me if I’ve fucked your pretty son, yet? Sure.’  
Rick buried his head in his hands in despair before he looked up at him pleadingly. ‘No! Kill me but please don’t hurt him again.’  
‘Hurt him? You say that to me? He told him what you did. That you fuckin’ rape him. Been doing it since your wife died. And that you blame him for her death.’  
Rick didn’t even bother to deny it but started to sob. ‘Let him go and I’ll stop. Take someone else …Carol is a burden … uses more than she brings in and you can have some of the others…like Michonne…she’s a good fighter…Just bring my boy back to me.’  
Negan ignored his attempt to make a deal. ‘People call me a monster but you’re the real deal. Fuckin’ and beatin’ your own kid and threatening his baby sister to keep him quiet. You really are a piece of work.’  
‘Please...’ Rick moaned. ‘I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop. When Lori passed I damn near lost my mind…’  
Negan sneered at him without an ounce of sympathy. ‘Mine died too.’ He snarled. ‘And I lost my girls and my boy in the first wave of those dead fucks. You still got yours and you do that to him…’  
Enough sweet- talk. His rage came to a head then when he thought of what he’d lost and Rick had and yet abused as he smashed Lucille into the other. ‘Think I’m gonna enjoy this.’  
Rick screamed and clutched his bloody shoulder. The shirt was already soaked in blood.  
‘Please…Carl wouldn’t want this. He’ll never forgive you.’  
Negan stopped his hand in mid-air from where he’d been aiming another blow and laughed mockingly. ‘Ya think? He fuckin’ hates you. Doesn’t want to see you although I offered to bring him along. In fact, he told me to kill you. He’s scared of what you’ll do to that precious baby girl when she gets tits and legs and turns into a woman.’  
‘No! You’re lying! He loves me!’  
‘Not anymore.’ He told him coldly.  
Negan smashed Lucille into his wrist and revelled in the rapist’s scream. He briefly considered messing up the ex-cop’s genitals – those things he had used to hurt Carl so very badly with but then the image of the boy’s tear-stained face came to mind.  
‘Promise you won’t kill him?’  
Negan faltered.  
Rick had fallen to the floor in agony and raised his tear-stained face up to his. Once more, Negan had to admire his ability to resist pain and actually speak because Lucille would have made lesser men pass out by now.  
‘Please tell me you were just fucking with my mind and that you haven’t really hurt him.’  
‘I haven’t, actually. Didn’t need to. ‘Cos when we fuck, kid loves it. Goes wild for me. Begs for my cock inside him and he writhes under me – ‘specially when I lick him everywhere like an ice-cone for an hour ‘cos boy, he tastes like one. Then he screams my name when he comes.’  
‘Please God, no.’ Negan saw that Rick believed his lies with a deep sense of satisfaction. Despite his contempt and hate for the other man, something chimed inside him when he saw the other’s concern for his son despite the terrible things he’d done.  
Father to father, he squatted down on his heels, also noting how Rick didn’t move or cower away. Man must be made of steel. That or he feels guilty for what he done and accepts his punishment.  
‘He’s willing with you?’ Rick couldn’t believe it. ‘But how after….?’ Then in a fit of possessive rage despite the agony he must have been in, he screamed back at him, ‘He’s mine! I’m his father and on top of that I was his first so he’ll always be mine!’

Negan lost his fleeting sympathy for the man when he saw the look of pure, lustful greed cross Rick’s features. He doesn’t give a shit about Carl – he’s only pissed because he’s jealous. It ain’t even true – not yet anyway but he thinks it is. What a twisted fuck. And he never asked about Judith – the boy’s right, she doesn’t even register on his radar even though she could be his. What a heartless bastard.  
…  
The Sanctuary leader drew back his arm, ready to smash Lucille into the man’s head but Rick surprised him by bowing his head, in effect offering it to him.  
‘Go on, I deserve it. Just make it quick.’  
‘Fuck you – you’re right about that but maybe I ain’t gonna let you off that easy.’ Negan dropped Lucille to the floor with a clatter behind him and kicked Rick backwards right in his injured shoulder.  
Now the other leader did pass out after he yelled in agony, even louder than before if possible.  
‘Too easy for you, pervert.’ Negan prodded his limp body and undid his flies. Then he urinated on the fallen enemy’s face.  
Rick woke up and spluttered, grimacing in disgust. Some of Negan’s urine had gone into his mouth and he’d swallowed it.  
‘Maybe I should punish you like you punish your boy. Give you taste of what it feels like.’  
Negan advanced on him and roughly turned him over. Rick was in no state to resist with his broken collar-bone and wrist and he screamed out in agony when they were jarred. The larger man smirked smugly and reached round to undo the others belt. He pulled it out and tugged down the other’s jeans and underwear to around his ankles, exposing his buttocks. 

‘No…please….’ Rick jabbered in terror. ‘Get off me. Don’t do that. Please not rape.’  
Negan smiled grimly and kicked him in the stomach.  
‘Funny - that’s exactly what Carl says when he wakes up crying every night from having nightmares about you.’  
‘He cries?’ Negan couldn’t believe the man’s gall when Rick pretended to be surprised and give a shit about his son.

‘Please…don’t…I’ll do anything…’ Rick resumed his pathetic pleas for mercy.  
‘Can dish it out to your underage kid but can’t take it, you fuckin’ coward? Did your son beg you to stop just like you’re doing now? I bet he did.

Negan smirked. ‘OK, then.’ But before the other could sigh with relief and thank him, he put one boot on his back and pulled out the ex-cop’s own belt from their loops and proceeded to whip the man’s buttocks bloody with it.  
‘This is for Carl.’ He hissed at him. Rick fell silent and stubbornly refused to cry out, only grunted at each blow even as the skin got redder and redder, looking like it might scar permanently.  
Negan soon got bored with the lack of reaction and stopped. Rick just lay there, quivering and defeated-looking.  
‘Changed my mind again.’ Negan wrapped the belt around the boy-rapist’s throat and pulled it tight to control him. Then he straddled the other man even though touching skin with the scumbag revolted him.  
Rick started screaming for help and struggled, suddenly coming to life as soon as he felt Negan’s weight on him.  
‘Shut up, you piece of shit.’ Negan hissed in his ear and pulled the rope tight. Rick choked and struggled for breath. ‘You deserve this – all of it. Think about how Carl felt every time you did it to him.’  
….  
Rick curled up into a sobbing ball, covered in even more blood after Negan had finished with him. He felt so humiliated – the pain was the least of his problems – he’d been in pain before but now he wanted to die. There was a red mark circling his neck from where the bastard had garrotted him.  
But Negan wasn’t even going to show him that mercy and put him out of his misery. He didn’t even react when Negan hawked and spat at him, a large phlegmy glob landing on his back.  
‘He’s mine now and don’t you forget it.’ Was his passing shot.  
Rick didn’t even look up. It was like Negan killed him for real instead of merely threatening him.  
…  
Negan did up his flies and strode out of the room without a glance back.  
His men left their positions outside at the top of the stairs and joined him in silence when they saw him coming up. He could sense their curiosity – they must have heard the shouts and screams but neither dared to ask about what had happened.  
‘You keep what you heard to yourselves otherwise you’ll be the next two to go into the cage.’  
‘Yes, my lord.’ They chimed, their faces blank.  
….  
‘Where is Rick? Where is he?’ Michonne ran around, in a panic as soon as the Saviours had gathered their booty and left, to the relief of the camp. Not for the first time that day (or every day in fact) a sharp pang hit her when she reached behind her for her Japanese sword and came up empty.  
The Saviours had stolen her prized weapon.  
Michonne didn’t know why but something made her pause in the small, isolated house in the direction that people said Negan took Rick in and go down towards the cellar. It was the only dwelling in miles on the mountain but it had been abandoned. ‘Oh my God. Rick!’ She covered his nakedness with her jacket and he barely moved.  
‘What did Negan do to you? He give you a whipping?’  
Rick nodded. ‘Ain’t important.’  
‘And…and did he…did he…?’ She couldn’t even say it.  
He groaned. ‘Broke my collar-bone, I think. And my wrist too but that ain’t the worst.’  
Michonne feared the worst. Her friend was naked, covered in blood. It was clear to her that he’d been hurt worse than a mere beating.  
‘Oh, Rick…Let me get you help.’  
‘Wait! It doesn’t matter what he did to me…I deserved all of it. It’s Carl…He’s hurt him. Like …Like what nearly happened on that road…… We need to get him back.’ He started crying helplessly again. Michonne moved to cradle his head in her lap, her hands soothing his hair. She’d been about to protest that it wasn’t his fault but then an ice shard pierced her heart. The memory of Carl almost being raped by the fat man sprang unwanted to her mind.  
‘No…’ She breathed in horror and thought to herself that Rick really is one in a million- he doesn’t even care about himself, only about his children. And the rest of us, of course.  
‘He says he raped him, ‘Chonne. And I believe him. Weren’t just to mess with my head neither.’  
‘Oh, poor Carl!’ She brought her hands to her mouth in distress. ‘What about Judith? Are you sure that’s what he said?’  
Rick nodded despondently. Michonne kissed the top of his head consolingly.  
‘Don’t worry. We can’t go on like this. I’ve got a plan to win our lives back from the Saviours. Save us and all the other groups.’  
‘Oh, my poor, sweet boy.’ Rick sobbed, not listening. ‘All alone with that psycho …’  
‘We’ll get him back, promise.’ She soothed.  
…  
Negan went to find Carl as soon as he got back. The boy had done his chores and was back in their room playing with his sister.  
He went over and kissed her on the forehead and made to ruffle his hair fondly but Carl scowled and shrugged him off. He was in no mood for Negan’s affection, not after being forced to stay behind and worry about Rick all day.  
‘How’s my dad? Did you hurt him?’  
Negan glanced worriedly down at the blonde curls of the young child sandwiched between them. ‘Carl…don’t do this here.’  
The boy ignored him. ‘Did you kill him or WHAT?’  
Even Judith startled at his raised voice and looked up at him questioningly.  
‘He’s still alive.’  
Carl breathed a deep sigh of relief but it was short-lived. ‘But you HURT him, didn’t you? I know you did even though you promised not to.’  
‘I only promised not to kill him like the bastard deserves.’  
‘Is he OK? I should have gone with you.’  
Negan sighed. ‘He’ll be fine. Just roughed him up a little. Taught him a lesson and told him to keep his hands to himself in future.’  
‘That’s all you did, promise?’  
‘Promise.’  
‘Pomise.’ Judith mispronounced the word, breaking the tension. They both laughed and Carl searched his eyes and was finally convinced.  
‘Come here.’ Negan ordered. ‘Both of you.’  
Carl smiled sweetly and climbed into his lap on the sofa, taking Judith with him.  
Negan put his arms around the both of them and breathed in the boy’s scent. He kissed Carl’s nape, making him squirm. He did it again and ran his hand up his shirt where his sister couldn’t see, feeling him up, while still holding them with his one free hand.  
‘The things I’d like to do to you…’ Negan whispered seductively into his ear. ‘I want to hear you cry out my name…’  
Carl gasped when the man’s roving hands found a nipple and twisted it and squirmed even more, inadvertently (or maybe deliberately) rubbing onto the man’s erection. ‘Stop it.’  
Negan chuckled and took his hands away. ‘Tell me you don’t like it.’  
The youth blushed red. ‘I like it.’ He reluctantly agreed and then adoringly bowed his head demurely.  
Negan felt his heart come up into his mouth.  
‘Good boy.’ He praised while brushing a hand thought his hair again, all fatherly now and pushed them off him.  
‘Come on, Judith. Are you hungry, sweet girl?’ He took her hand and led her to the kitchen where the women would feed her.  
‘I’ll meet you in the canteen in 5, OK, son?’  
Carl grinned back at him and nodded. ‘I’m starving.’  
‘Me too but not only for food.’  
Carl caught his eye and answered with an almost smile of excitement curling his lips.  
Negan stared at him.  
Oh, baby, I could eat you all up right now, Negan thought but didn’t say it. That’s enough dirty talk for today. Don’t want to overdo it and scare him off.

Author’s notes:

So, what do you think of Rick’s punishment? Was it too harsh? Or not harsh enough? Let me know what you think. Maybe some of you even feel sorry for him now.  
Or maybe not.  
Do you like the interaction between Negan and Carl as they get closer?


	10. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what will happen to the group after Rick has been attacked? In this chapter, I try to give some more of Rick’s POV in the aftermath. Meanwhile, Carl and Negan continue to get closer. This chapter is called ‘Decisions’ because a lot of the main characters have important choices to make.

….  
After he got his tears back under control, Michonne helped Rick pull on his clothes (they had that closeness that he would let her do it) while he was still covered in blood.   
Then she grabbed his unhurt hand but he pulled it away with a sigh.   
‘Let me see.’ She said like he was a child and motioned to other one he was holding against his chest.   
‘It hurts.’ He moaned and rocked himself.   
‘I know. But maybe it isn’t broken.’

‘How can it not be? He used that fuckin’ bat of his on me – that…that…Lucille.’  
‘Hush.’ She took it despite his protests and felt the bones in it gingerly. He winced and bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from crying out.   
‘Can you move it?’ He found that he could twiddle his fingers and a thumb now.   
‘Nope. Ain’t broken.’ She released it and he took it back from her with a scowl bordering on resentment on his face.  
‘Just rest it, Rick. You can still use it but don’t overdo it. It’s gonna hurt for a while before it heals. It’s the spikes.’  
‘We have to go.’ He tried to get up but fell back again with a cry of pain.  
‘We will do. Jus’ answer me one question.’

‘What?’ He breathed impatiently and looked up at her searchingly.   
‘Rick…Did he just beat you or did he…do somethin’ else too? Somethin’ worse?’  
He looked away and trembled. ‘I…I don’t want to talk about it now. I can’t! And I’d thank you to keep this between you and me. For the sake of the group.’  
‘Rick…You can tell me. You know I won’t tell anyone.’ She grabbed his arm.  
He flinched back again. ‘No! I said ‘No’!’  
‘At least let Herschel check you over when we get back. He won’t say anything if you tell him not to.’  
He appeared to consider this but shook his head. ‘I’m OK. Don’t want to let that bastard intimidate us…If the others knew…All I need to do is rest up.’

‘No, you’re not! Jus’ look at you. Your wrist is swollen and your shoulder…’  
‘Doesn’t matter.’ He covered his face with his one, good hand.  
‘Rick…Did he…did he rape you?’   
She had finally said it out loud.  
‘Said I don’t want to talk about it! OK!’ He snapped back with his old fire, like father, like son.  
‘Oh, Rick…’ She felt like crying herself. This could push him over the edge again like when he lost Lori. Can’t believe Negan…That’s it. We need to destroy that nest of snakes. 

He turned away and let out a small sob. She put her arms around him and rocked him slowly.  
‘I don’t care about me – I can take anything that asshole dishes out. It’s Carl we should be thinking about. What that monster’s doin’ to him right now…My poor, brave boy…Why did he do it? He must have known…That…That he was on a suicide mission.’ His voice cracked and he looked like he was about to start crying again but managed to pull himself together.   
‘Sh. I don’t know. We’ll get him and save Carl and Judith, promise. He’ll hold out until rescue, he’s tough.’  
That seemed to reassure him a little. ‘OK. Help me up. We need to think of a cover story- why I’m in this state.’ She supported him as they left together.   
…  
It took them over half-an-hour to reach the camp, given Rick’s pace. His face contorted with pain at each agonizing step and he was holding his injured wrist but apart from his expression, he refused to show how he was struggling. He didn’t want to scare his people.  
Yet they watched them in concern. ‘Are you, OK, Rick?’  
‘Was it Negan?’  
‘What happened?’

But he just waved them off. ‘Tell you later. Group meeting at 1900. Tell the others.’  
When he saw that Michonne was leading them to Herschel’s medical tent he shook his head.   
‘Take me to my tent first.’ He’d moved his and Carl’s tent further away from the others for the official reason to be nearer the spring for drinking and washing purposes for Judith as well as to act as a sentry on the look-out for Walkers.   
But this was only an excuse.

‘I think I’ll be OK now.’ He dismissed her by turning his back onto her.   
‘But what about going to see Herschel?’  
‘I will but just want to clean myself up first and change my clothes.’  
She looked at him warily when he said that. His eagerness to wash although he was covered in blood seemed to prove to her that Negan had gone the ultimate, despicable step to punish his nemesis.   
‘You can’t do that by yourself, you know that. Let me help you.’  
He refused of course.

Miraculously, Rick kept the smile plastered to his face as he reached for her hand.  
‘Promise. I’ll be fine.’ But he grimaced.  
‘No, you won’t. I’ll come back for you in 15, OK?’  
‘Make it 30.’  
‘You sure you don’t want and the impatience out of his voice.   
‘No, go now. Tell ’em there’ll be a meeting at 1900 hours where I’ll give them an update, OK?’  
‘Fine, then.’ She squeezed his hand.   
‘Bye. Don’t worry about me.’   
‘I’ll try not to.’  
…  
Stop whinin’ and get on with it, man! He’s right, you are a fuckin’ coward. He told himself sternly. Besides, I deserve it. All of it…Oh, poor Carl…If I ever get you back, I’ll never hurt you again. Promise. I’ll be the best dad ever – like before.  
He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth for a moment, psyching himself to pull off his pants with one hand mainly. Luckily, they had left his belt at the scene. 

He grunted and stopped himself from crying out in pain as his broken collar-bone and shoulder screamed at him.   
Shut the fuck up! He screamed at himself mentally when he couldn’t suppress a whimper.   
Eventually he managed to get all his clothes off and went outside. Something flashed, reflecting off the weak sunlight. It was Lori’s big dress mirror that she’d salvaged on a run. They had left it leaning next to a tree. Then he looked around and seeing no-one, he stepped naked into the old-fashioned bathtub that was in the shape of a barrel which already contained water, thanks to recent rain.   
He shivered at the cold air but it was something they went through every late autumn and winter and he and Carl had just got used to it. He ignored his goose-pimpled skin and sank into it gratefully, feeling like he would never get clean again.  
He could still feel the man’s touch and smell his whiskey-breath as he dunked his head into the cold water to shake the memory off him.   
Then he fumbled around with his one, good hand for the old-fashioned scrub-brush that was lying on the bottom of the tub along with the shower-gel but he was too hurt to use that.   
What I wouldn’t give to find an old townhouse with a log fire made from firewood and a chimney. But he could dream.   
They all could. 

Rick scrubbed and scrubbed himself raw, tentatively trying to use his bad hand too which he realised wasn’t as badly hurt as he had initially thought. The cold water seemed to numb it and make the swelling go down. The only place he didn’t clean were his sore buttocks.  
The water in the tub turned red with blood.   
He didn’t know long he scrubbed his skin, every place the other man had touched.   
Then he got up and checking around that he was still unobserved, he went to the full-length dress mirror and faced away from it, buck-naked, looking over his shoulder.  
What he saw on his buttocks caused him to bring his hands to his mouth in horror.  
No!

He recalled how Negan had yanked down his pants and given him the whipping of his life with his own belt. Then had hissed at him as he straddled him, ‘You deserve this – all of it. Think about how Carl felt every time you did it to him. How scared he was. This is like a fraction of what he must have gone through.’  
Rick neither denied nor admitted anything but squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the man use something with a sharp point and press it near his asshole, the threat clear.  
Then it was gone but Rick steeled himself either for the real thing or for the blade again.   
‘Think I’m gonna rape you? Negan yanked his hair back painfully and Rick had gritted his teeth in his effort not to cry out.   
‘Nah…That would make me as twisted as you.’ The Saviour answered his own question and got the belt to wrap it around the other’s throat, pulling it tight.   
‘Please…’Rick croaked.   
‘Please what?’ He pulled the choker painfully tight, almost cutting off Rick’s airways.  
‘Then kill me.’  
‘Not a chance. Where’s the fun in that?’ Negan mocked him.  
‘Wha..what ya gonna do to me?’  
‘Mark you so others know what you are. What you did.’ 

The pointy sharp thing was back again and Rick guessed it must be a knife but now it was on his lower back – the place that hadn’t been whipped and could still be covered up if he wore pants with a belt. He found that this time, he couldn’t hold back a scream as the blade cut into his skin.   
Negan chuckled and yanked on the belt around his throat, and carried on carving letters.   
Rick tried to scream and move away but he couldn’t do neither, as he didn’t have the breath and the bigger, heavier man was pinning him down with his body.

The cutting torture seemed to last forever and made worse by the fact that each breath was a struggle. His lungs had been burning and a few times he had almost slipped into blest subconsciousness but Negan wouldn’t even allow him that mercy but had woken him up by yelling into his ear after loosening the rope a little. It must have been over in minutes and now Rick could see the words carved onto his skin.

SON FUCKER

Rick shook his head in misery, guessing he was like Daryl now. He too had permanent scars. But while Daryl was innocent, his proved his guilt. He’s secret shame.  
And pleasure.

But Daryl and Merle are long gone now. How many times since they had encountered the Saviours did he wish he still had the Dixons with them? Even Merle. Because they were both an asset in a fight. Rick didn’t allow himself to dwell on maybes like maybe if he hadn’t sent them to their deaths that maybe they could have made a difference against the Saviours.  
Then why did he wish Daryl was still around? Hadn’t they almost become friends at one point? But then he had found about his and Carl’s little secret – the little sissy must have gone whining to him. Rick couldn’t let them live to expose him to the rest of the camp. Their deaths were on Carl!

Something else I can punish him for, if he ever comes back to me, he thought, excited at the thought, his earlier resolves all forgotten. He had fully believed Negan except the part about Carl hating him and telling that asshole to kill him and that he willingly submitted to the pervert, he knew that Negan would have to force him, just like Rick himself had to every time. After all, the kid never liked it with his own father even though Rick had tried to be gentle at first and get him to like it and then had just given up. It was supposed to be a punishment for killing his own mother, after all and the least the boy could do was take care of his needs like she did since she wasn’t there anymore to do it for him.   
Then his thoughts turned back to the little problem at hand.  
I can’t let Herschel examine me but if I don’t, it’ll look strange. 

I’ll let him fix up my collar bone and wrist – shoulder hurts like a bitch too but I won’t let him see the marks. Damn! He’ll probably say I gotta be out of action for a while – only hope the Saviours don’t rock up here and cause trouble. So, I’ll tell them that I got into a fight with one of the Saviours – got a few punches in but came off worse. Still looks bad but not as bad as if they knew Negan did it to me or what he did…She thinks he raped me and I didn’t correct her so I need to minimise the damage. I’ll get Michonne to swear on her life to tell ‘em it weren’t Negan. She’ll understand.  
She has to.   
Rick felt better now he had a plan. Michonne had also hinted that maybe she had an idea too about how to liberate themselves from the Saviours.   
……  
Back in the Sanctuary, after dinner, Carl went back to his room and passed the time by reading his book. Judith had already gone back to the nursery and he was waiting for Negan to come like he’d promised. He didn’t wonder what Negan did to his father again.   
Carl hugged his knees with excitement, wondering if they were going to finally do it that night. His stomach was full of butterflies, feeling like an innocent young bride on her wedding night. One the one hand, he was impatient but then he got scared again, especially when he recalled the times he didn’t feel completely safe with the older man either from the things he did or said but then again, wasn’t that part of the excitement? The things Negan had done and said to him – right in front of his sister that day had unbelievably made him hard. Had Negan noticed? He didn’t say if he did…Sure he did.  
I hated him and now I want him like I wanted…her. 

He didn’t allow himself to think about the girl he’d kissed. To recall her glossy, long hair and how it had teased his skin or the feel of her lips on his. His excitement at her allowing him to touch her small nubs (over her clothes. Of course) for the first time. He’d almost felt reborn again especially since part of the attraction had been to stick two fingers up at his old man who thought he owned him? Thought he could do what he liked with him?

Am I gay? Or bi? Would I be if he hadn’t done those things to me?  
He realised that mostly he wanted Negan to erase all traces of his father on him. His touch, his smell and the memories. If I let Negan…go the whole way me with then I’ll be his and not Rick’s. It was strange for Carl to thinking of ‘letting’ Negan – like he had a choice.  
Carl wasn’t used to being in control during sex, at least not with his father.  
He said we didn’t have to back there – to him. That we could stay here with him. I know he would never hurt her – I can see it in the way he’s with her but Rick…

Carl glanced at the old-fashioned wind-up clock on the shelf and the hands seemed to move far too slowly.   
Just then, the door opened and Negan burst in and Carl stood up.   
‘I wasn’t expecting you back so soon…’ Carl started.   
‘Why? Ain’t ya pleased to see me?’ Negan gently chided.  
‘No…I mean Yes….’ He frowned and blushed.  
Negan chuckled and ruffled his hair. ‘Messin’ with ya, son.’ With that, he scooped him up and laid him gently on the bed on his back.  
‘You been thinkin’ about the things I said? ‘Cos, gotta tell ya boy, you’re the only thing that’s been on my mind the whole day. Couldn’t wait to get back to you.’

Carl looked up at him and grinned. ‘Yeah. I have.’  
‘You want me to…?’  
He nodded excitedly.  
Oh, I’m gonna enjoy this. Takin’ it nice and slow, just like I told ya Daddy I would…  
With that, Negan stroked his hair off his face. Carl sighed and closed his eyes.   
Negan lay on his side, facing him and just petted his hair for what felt like eternity, thinking that it didn’t feel sexy, only how his parents used to touch him before when he was small.  
It felt merely comforting. Eventually, Carl started to shift restlessly and opened his eyes and looked at him in expectation.  
‘What? Did you think I was gonna take you jus’ like that, honey?’ Negan smirked at him then kissed his forehead. ‘Daddy Negan don’t work that way.’

Even the man calling himself that didn’t bother him as Carl closed his eyes again and felt him kiss each eyelid before making his way down to his lips. He opened them almost immediately.  
After they kissed, Negan nibbled his way down his throat. Carl gasped and bucked.  
Ah, found your sensitive spot! Well one of them.  
‘’Let’s see if we can find some more of those sweet spots. It’ll be fun.’ Negan told him and Carl shivered but not with fear this time.  
Negan carried on for a while before he gently pulled up Carl’s shirt.   
Carl grinned and helped him lift it up and then off over his head.   
….  
Author’s note:

So, you still don’t feel sorry for poor Rick when he thought Negan was going to do to him what he did to Carl? No? Really?   
OK, then.  
Should Negan have had an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth in your opinion?   
Do you think this interaction between Negan and Carl is a bit syrupy sweet? You can let me know the truth. It’s just that Negan is so afraid of putting a step wrong with Carl after all the other times and messing it up now that it looks like they’re getting it on.   
Do you want them to go the full way?


	11. 'Punishment'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks for all your kind comments and kudos. I’m really sorry that it’s taken so long to update but I was ill and then really busy at work. So, here is the next chapter. Do they go all the way without Carl freaking out? Read it and see. Let me know if it’s realistic or not and if you like the way Negan treats Carl.
> 
> *Under-age smut warnings apply.

Negan had kissed and licked, flicked with the tip of his tongue and nibbled every inch of the boy’s body before he had finally focused on his lower half and taken him in his mouth like Carl's body had been begging him to. I didn’t know it could feel like this! Carl wondered but didn’t say aloud. He couldn’t because he was screaming in pleasure with his eyes rolling up to his head as he came for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Negan had only chuckled and covered his hand and held him as the aftershocks hit him. ‘I’m supposed to be forcing you, remember? ‘Sposed to be a punishment.’ He laughed, eyes shining. ‘Some fuckin’ punishment.’  
Negan smiled down at him and cleaned him up with a corner of the sheet just like he’d done after every time.  
He ‘s gonna want somethin’ for this… But Carl stopped himself from worrying what he would have to do in return.  
He said he wasn’t going to force me!

Then without a warning, Negan turned him over onto his stomach but Carl didn’t freak out like he would have done just a short while ago.  
‘Ready?’  
Carl nodded. But his older lover thought he seemed a little reluctant.  
Negan paused and ran his hand through the teen’s hair. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll take it as slow as you like. And if you ever want me to stop…’  
‘I don’t want you to stop!’ The boy cried furiously. ‘To fuck him.’ He explained.  
He needed to do this.  
Negan raised an eye-brow at that.  
‘I ain’t scared.’ Carl looked at him fiercely even as Negan checked his eyes carefully and stroked his face with the backs of his hand, just like Lori used to do and he relaxed immediately. 

‘Good. ‘Cos I ain’t gonna hurt you, I’ll never hurt you. It might hurt at first, can’t do nothin’ ‘bout that but I’ll try and make it least painful as I can.’  
‘Told you I don’t care! I’m used to it.’ You can’t be worse than Dad.  
‘I suppose you are, you poor boy.’ That was the saddest thing Negan had ever heard and his lower lip twitched in sympathy. Not for the first time he questioned whether he had gone far enough with Rick to mete out the punishment he deserved. He thought not. But the boy begged me not to kill him….  
Why isn’t he gettin’ on with it? Carl wondered. I want the pain over with. I don’t want to think about my crazy dad now, or compare Negan with him. I just want him to show me. Everything.  
Most of all, I don’t want Rick to spoil this!  
‘Oh, I’m going to enjoy showing you how good sex can be.’ The older man purred in his ear.  
Carl looked up at him with his mouth wide open, thinking how much better could it get after all the delicious things Negan had already done to him?  
Negan chuckled again, cannily guessing what Carl was thinking. ‘You’re looking at an expert, boy.’ He pushed his chest out.  
Carl looked up at him with his mouth wide open in awe.  
‘Yeah. Before was just only the beginning.’ Negan breathed in his ear, his stubble tickling Carl’s skin. Even that turned him on so he drew in a deep breath of anticipation.  
…..  
Carl wanted to and he didn’t. Not quite trusting Negan despite all his gentle caresses and the soft praises he whispered in his ear throughout. Telling him not be scared, promising him that he was going to enjoy this. And when he started stretching him after what seemed like an eternity of making him arch his back and whimper in pleasure as he slicked him up and teased his hole, first with his fingers, then finally with his tongue. The Saviour’s leader had started off slow, running one finger down his crack with one well-lubed up finger over and over and over before he started circling Carl’s hole. The boy was already moaning and shuddering with the sensations just at that even before Negan dipped the tip of his finger in shallowly, experimentally. Worked his way up to the knuckle, 2 knuckles then 2 fingers, then finally 3. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all, only wanting to show Carl how experienced he was at doing this.  
Negan was being very, very careful. 

‘You like this, don’t you, boy?’ He said smugly. ‘Just wait until I’m inside and pounding at that sensitive spot inside you…’  
Carl shuddered but not for the same reasons he did with his dad. Then he moaned.  
Rick never spent this much time preparing me. Guess that’s why it always hurt so much even when he tried to be careful in the beginning.  
Then he stopped caring. Even when he hurt me and made me bleed for days after. 

Carl stiffened and grit his teeth as he felt Negan use his hair as a grip hold and the old, familiar feelings surfaced.  
He said he ain’t gonna hurt me, no more than he has to. And he’s never hurt me yet so I believe him. Stop being a pussy!  
He had been on the brink of stopping the older man (part of him was still shocked that he could actually do that and Negan would listen to him) but then Negan was fully although the way in, past Carl’s tight coil of muscles and fondling him at the front to try to distract him from the pain. Then he pulled back slightly and slid back in and was just lying still in him. That really hurt and Carl let out a whimper against his will.  
Negan made a small sound of sympathy and stroked his hair reassuringly. 

‘Don’t move!’ He ordered the older man, voice hardened with pain and forced himself to relax until slowly the pain receded.  
Carl had expected him to immediately start pounding away at him but once he’d bottomed out, Negan held himself still. Carl could sense the huge amount of self-control this took him because of his determination not to hurt him.  
‘You tell me when we’re good to go, son. Your choice.’ He told the teen.  
Carl paused and tried to swallow the pain and let his body adjust.  
Then he nodded.

He couldn’t believe the powerful sensations as Negan flawlessly hit that deep sensitive part inside him on target each time. Apparently without effort. Starting off slowly at first then speeding up.  
‘More…’ Carl whimpered. He felt like he was going to black out from the pleasure, greater than anything he’d ever know. He was seeing gold stars flashing across his vision.  
‘That’s your prostrate, son.’ Negan panted in his ear between his own moans. ‘OK, I’ll give you more!’ And as if he’d been granted permission, he sped up and started to pound at it, heightening Carl’s pleasure.

‘I…I didn’t know…’ Carl breathed out through his own. He’d got a basic kind of sex education at school but they’d never mentioned gay sex (or the prostrate - whatever that was), only that between a man and a woman. Or what to do if your dad decides to start using you as his woman. Rick had also given him the ‘talk’ about the birds and the bees when he was younger and that memory now made him feel like throwing up. He just wished he could block out the thoughts and memories (even the good ones) of his dad but they seemed to have a way of creeping in at the worst moments.

Don’t think about him! He’s got nothing to do with this. Carl forced his thoughts away from his father because If he dwelled on them, he thought he might stop Negan.  
…..  
Afterwards, after they had both screamed out their orgasms, Negan held him on the bed.  
Carl snuggled into him, both buck naked.  
‘Did you enjoy that, boy?’

Carl nodded dreamily against his chest and twined his fingers in Negan’s chest hair.  
‘We can do it again and again, however many times you like.’  
‘I like.’ Carl looked up at him with sleep-hooded eyes.  
Negan kissed the top of his head. ‘You did well. Must be exhausted. Go to sleep.’ 

Sent from my iPad


	12. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is so late. Work has been a total bitch and I was sick too for a few days.
> 
> Carl and Negan continue to get closer but they aren’t the only two. The teen desperately wants to get over the abuse and forget his father but can he move on without any more setbacks?

………………..  
Rick woke up with a loud shout, shaking. ‘Don’t come any nearer!’ He hissed at the shadow in the corner of his dark room. ‘Negan, I….’  
But the dark shape – too be honest, it was shorter and much more of a slender, feminine shape than his nemesis stopped. ‘It’s me, Michonne.’ It replied.  
‘’Chonne.’ Rick sighed in relief.  
‘Are you OK?’ Now the shadow was moving to his bed. He nodded.  
He felt the edge of the bed dip as she sat down.  
‘Just a bad dream, was all.’ But had it been. And he was erect.  
Negan had been holding him down just like before but instead of cutting letters into his skin, his hands had all been scuttling over his body, groping, rubbing in the all the right places even as Rick had protested and struggled. Had licked his cheek and whispered dirty words in his ear even as he tugged expertly on his swelling member.  
Hadn’t been such a nightmare after all. Disgusting, disconcerting but surprisingly pleasurable.  
All in all, it had been one of the most erotic experiences in his life, inside the dream world and outside it.

‘Fuck!’ He turned on his side to hide his subsiding erection.  
What the fuck is wrong with me? Me and Negan? That’s sick! Oh, my poor boy….  
Is that what he’s doin’ to him? Does he hurt him? Force him? Rick couldn’t help let out a small sob of distress deep in his throat.  
Michonne made a small noise of sympathy and started to walk over to the bed and he could tell that she was just aching to comfort him.  
If anyone should be initiating the boy into the joys sex, it should be me, his own father. Who better to?  
But he’d failed. Rick’s only one regret that whatever he’d done it the beginning, no matter how slow he moved or how gentle and understanding he was with Carl; going so far as soothing his son with soft caresses and kisses and even softer words of praise and comfort in his ear, he could never make the little slut like it.  
Or make him submit to him without crying and begging him to stop. At first, anyway. And after that…  
Rick had just given up ever turning on his own son and just taken what he wanted, where and when he wanted. He had to admit that he had taken out his frustration and the stress of keeping the group alive under the Saviours’ rule on Carl lately. Either pounding his body on the outside or pounding him on the inside. 

Carl mostly just took it in all in silence because he knew nothing he said or did was ever going to make his dad stop.  
Drawn back to the present, Rick quietly smirked to himself when he felt Michonne tentatively lay on the bed beside him after a brief pause first as if asking him for permission. He was well aware of her feelings for him and sometimes he let her think there was something there between them, other times he kept things strictly as friends.  
‘It’s OK.’ He smiled at her although she couldn’t see it. It was still dark and for some reason, neither of them had turned the light on. As if they had reverted back to shy teenagers.

‘I’m OK.’ He repeated to reassure her.  
‘You worried about Carl and Judith?’ It was a dumb question but she was using it as an opening to get him to talk.  
He shuddered then and it wasn’t all acting. ‘That…that animal’s got them…he’s…he says he’s rapin’ Carl….’  
‘I know.’ She wrapped both arms around him and he instinctively rested his head on her bosom in a position most like Carl had been when she’d comforted him after he got attacked by the fat man and Rick could hardly get him away from her for a week after. If she’d only known that his own father had already popped the cherry in his ass!  
Maybe Carl hadn’t only been that traumatised by the attempted rape from a stranger but he’d been crying and shaking all the time because of Rick. That memory made Rick almost cry against his friend’s chest.  
Yet ex- Sheriff recalled that look of scorn and defiance in his son’s eyes during that time, knowing that his dad couldn’t get through Michonne to him – she’d barely let him go for a week afterwards and Rick realised that was when Carl started to hate him. If not before.  
‘Sh…’ Michonne stroked his hair and kissed the top of it, in exactly the same way as she’d done to his son during those dark days. 

Rick finally let himself go and let her comfort him until the first beams of sunlight started to hit the window and slowly brighten up the room. Then he finally got control of his emotions.  
‘We have to make a move.’ Michonne told him.  
‘Not yet. We need time to plan and prepare.’  
‘But he’s hurting Carl, Judith too maybe…’  
‘You think I don’t know that!’ He snapped at her, causing her to recoil.  
She blinked and drew back.  
‘Sorry. Jus’ tired and worried sick about Carl…’  
‘I know. But if we move too soon….we need to build up our guns store.’  
‘In that secret hidey-hole of yours?’  
She nodded.  
‘You haven’t told anyone about it?’  
‘No.’ She shook her head. Even Rick himself didn’t want to know in case the Saviours caught on and tortured them for information like its location.  
‘How many you got now?’  
’11 rifles, a couple of hand-grenades and 3 old army pistols’.  
He sighed. ‘Still a long way off from launching an attack on those psychos.’  
‘I’m doin’ my best! ‘Specially as I only have a small team on weapons detail.’  
‘Sorry.’ He kissed her throat in apology causing her gasp. But she didn’t say anything else and he didn’t make any other move.

He often did this, flirt with her then turn it off from time to time.  
After a while, she spoke again. ‘Too bad Daryl and Merle ain’t still with us.’ She hesitated, seeing the frown on his face.  
‘Yeah but you know what Merle did to my boy!’  
‘But you didn’t have to send Daryl away too. He was innocent!’  
‘I had to. He was a trouble-maker. Anyway, he would never have agreed to be separated from his precious big brother even if he was a child rapist.’ Rick spat out, lying effortlessly while he knew the truth. ‘Wouldn’t have been fair on him.’  
It hadn’t been Merle abusing Carl, it had been him all the time. When the Dixon brothers had found out the truth so Rick had been forced to make his move and point the finger at Merle as Carl’s abuser. They lost 2 good soldiers that day.  
Michonne sighed pointedly. ‘It’s nearly time to get up. But we’ve still got a few minutes...’ She waited expectantly for his reply.  
Rick thought about making more obvious advances towards her but then reconsidered. I don’t want to complicate things – now is not the right time to start a relationship. We ain’t safe and we’re still living in virtual slavery until we’ve got rid of Negan and his crew. 

Besides, if I start something with her, what happens to me and Carl once we get him back? Rick had no intention of letting up on his son…he’d already gone so far and there was no turning back now although part of him realised that he’d been extremely lucky not to get caught yet. Nobody seemed to notice Carl’s injuries before he left and Rick was always careful to ensure that they were unobserved and out of earshot whenever they spent special ‘father-son’ bonding time together. He put it down to the stress of living under the rule of Negan and his men and pressure to provide to their lords and masters over in the Sanctuary. They had to increase the number of runs and go further and further afield every day to find enough supplies and something really special to placate their oppressors. The members of the group would often come back exhausted and demoralised.  
Rick had wondered if any woman, even Michonne, could compare to the taste of his own son since Carl had been gone. He had needs of course, he was a man and Michonne would be willing to help him out with those, he reckoned.  
But it was mainly the power he had over Carl and his youth. And If Rick closed his eyes sometimes, he could almost imagine that it was his dead wife he was touching and that she was enjoying it like she always did and block out Carl’s sounds of pain and muffled protests.  
It was all quite addictive really. That’s why Rick hadn’t been able to stop and go against all his fatherly protective instincts when he knew that he was hurting Carl – damaging the only real reminder left of dead wife. Nothing could stop him. Even the loss of his son’s love.  
….  
Back in the Sanctuary, Negan and Carl continued their relationship, such as it was and got closer to each other. Carl was more relaxed now with the act itself and the older man kept his promise not to rush him or pressure him to do anything. It still hurt but even that was getting easier over time and with more practice.  
So far, so good. Carl really thought he was getting over his fear of Negan and of men in general. He hadn’t even realised that he was scared of them but he guessed that it was normal considering the shit he’d been through. And that was without the End of the World. He couldn’t wait to grow up and have muscles and not feel nervous or paranoid when an adult man merely looked at him.  
They’d been holed up together for 1 whole day and 1 night ‘getting to know each other’ except for a few hours when Negan left ‘on business’. Carl had stretched out in the bed while he was gone and picked at the leftovers. They had barely left their room. No chores for him and barely any work for his lover. Food and drink was brought to them or rather left outside after a knock at the door.  
That was how Carl thought of it now, ‘their’ room. He wondered what the Saviours thought about them – just like a newly-wed couple in their wedding-suite.  
Of course, their room was more basic, smaller and spartan.  
Is that it now? Am I his?  
Carl pulled on his clothes, planning to go the nursery and see Judith. He was no longer a prisoner and was now more or less accepted by the Saviours. Negan had mentioned making him into one of them before. He’d asked him to consider if he was willing to give up his loyalty to his group and to his dad.  
‘In a heartbeat.’ He had answered him without hesitation, grinning.  
Negan had grinned back. ‘Good boy.’ He ruffled his hair. ‘Welcome to the clan, baby. We’ll make it official tomorrow or the day after, OK?’  
…..  
Carl dangled his hand into his sister’s crib and she grabbed it and giggled up at him. He looked around at the other little kids – another girl a little older than Judith and a couple of toddlers. They had all been babbling away at each other before he came in.  
No-one had been there supervising them – he guessed the women would be back in a minute.  
‘Caarl! Caarl!’ He picked her up and breathed in her hair before he sat them down in a padded chair.  
‘Jude, we’re gonna stay here now where we’ll be safe and happy. We ain’t goin’ back.’  
She frowned. ‘Dada Rich??’  
He trembled at that name. ‘Forget about him. We don’ t need him anymore.’ Carl wasn’t sure she really understood- she’d rarely mentioned Rick since they’d been there and he prayed she would eventually forget all about him. 

She looked at him and opened her mouth but she couldn’t speak the words. But he fancied he knew what she wanted to say.  
‘Because he’s a very bad man. He hurt me – he really, fuckin’ badly hurt me’. He could hear his voice cracking when he said those words ‘and…and he might have hurt you too if we stayed.’  
He wiped his eye, feeling sad all of a sudden.  
‘Ca-arl…’ She reached for his cheek and patted it as if to comfort him.  
‘But we got a new Daddy now. Daddy Negan. He said he’ll take care of us. Won’t let anyone hurt us ever again.’  
‘No, he won’t.’ A deep voice rumbled from the doorframe. It was Negan. Hesquatted on his heels and opened up his arms.  
‘Come to me, precious.’  
‘Negaa?’ They both laughed at the way she pronounced his name.  
‘Let her go, Carl.’  
She toddled happily over to him and he swung her about until she screamed with excitement. He coddled her for a while.  
‘Come on, son. Let’s go back to bed.’ He put her down.  
‘Ain’t tired.’ The teen drawled back at him.  
‘I don’t mean for sleep, sweetheart.’ Negan ran one hand down his arm, causing him to shiver.  
‘Can’t get enough of you.’ He added in the youth’s ear.  
Carl was still a little sore from all their activity before – he’d have to let Negan know so he could go easy on him.  
But when they got to the corridor, the big man yelled ‘Jeanette! Lucy! Where ya lazy bitches at?’ without warning, making Carl flinch.  
‘Comin’, my lord.’ And they did come running.  
‘Get in there.’ He shoved them inside the nursery. ‘Didn’t I tell you not to leave the kids by themselves?’  
‘We’re sorry my lord.’ Carl started as they literally curtsied with their long skirts to him. ‘We were jus’ having a break…’  
‘Well, next time make sure you leave someone to watch over them! We got enemies surroundin’ us – if one of them sneaks in…’  
‘Please forgive us, lord.’ Now they were kowtowing on their knees, banging their heads on the polished teak floor.  
‘Please don’t punish us.’ The older woman said.  
‘Get up, Jeanette. You too, Lucy.’ Now Negan was smiling magnamiously at them.  
‘I forgive you.’ Then his voice hardened. ‘This time. But one thing happens to those children – to any of them, you will the first to go into the cage.’  
‘Thank-you. Thank-you, Lord Negan.’  
‘You may rise.’ He raised his hands slowly.  
‘Come on, son.’ Negan took his hand, ignoring their looks.  
Carl felt not a little bit embarrassed walking down the hallway in front of the Saviours being led by the hand like a little kid but he’d forgotten how dangerous and unpredictable Negan could be so didn’t dare resist.  
Luckily, they only saw a two or three people bustling on their short walk back to their room but since Negan passed them, they were forced to acknowledge him and bow. They appeared not to notice but Carl wasn’t convinced. He knew that they would be too scared to look sideways at Negan and incur his wrath.  
….  
When they got to their door, Negan suddenly picked him up in his arms and kicked it open to lay him gently on the bed.  
Again, Carl felt uncomfortable but was too scared to move.  
‘Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna hurt you.’ Negan smiled down at him but Carl fancied it was the same smile a shark gives its prey before it bites. He knew by now that Negan held grudges and his anger at the nursery women hadn’t dissipated just yet.  
Carl could only hope that he wouldn’t take it out on him. Negan never had – not during sex anyway and never physically but at times, he snapped at him and seemed short-tempered when he spoke.  
‘Stay there.’ Negan barked at him. ‘I wanna look at you a moment.’ He reached down the side of the bed for the whiskey bottle and poured himself a glass.  
‘Want some?’  
Carl shook his head but then on reflection, he nodded. I need some of that to take the edge off. He didn’t know why but some of the excitement had drained away as he sensed that Negan was going to try something new with him – push him to his limits somehow. Not the same routine, anyway.  
‘Sit up, then.’ Negan ordered and handed him over the half-full glass. The teen immediately downed half of it in a few nervous gulps.  
‘That’s my boy. You sure ya ain’t really my son and not that sick fuck Rick’s? If you were, what the hell would that make doin’ what we do together?’ He chuckled dirtily.  
‘I…I don’t know…’ Carl looked away, feeling uneasy with where this line of conversation was potentially going and nervously gulped down his booze while Negan poured out his own second full glass.  
‘Take ya clothes off after you finish drinking that.’ He brusquely ordered him. He had a cold, calculating look in his eye that the boy didn’t much care for and he started to tremble. The Saviour leader was such a dominant character who ordered people about every day for a living that it just came out automatically. 

Negan frowned and rose an eyebrow. ‘We’re gonna take a shower together, son.’ He patiently explained.  
But Carl continued to shake, along with what was left of his whiskey sloshing at the bottom of glass in his hand and Negan could see the tears in his eyes ready to fall.  
‘Put that down.’ The man took it from him before he reached over and drew him to him, wrapping his arms around him, suddenly soft again. ‘Come here, baby. No need to be ‘fraid. It’s only a shower. We don’t have to do nothin’ – but I can wash ya hair if ya like.’  
Carl relaxed a little as soon as he said that and slumped easily into his arms. It turned out that he only wanted comfort.  
‘He made you strip, then what I just said reminded you of it, that it?’  
He nodded against his chest and Negan felt him grip at his shirt tighter in both fists.  
Negan for his part, held him tighter.  
‘Fuck!’ Negan mentally slapped his forehead. ‘I jus’ say all this dumb shit without thinkin’…’  
‘Don’t matter.’ Carl sniffed.  
‘Well, I need a shower even if you don’t want one.’ Negan gently disentangled himself from him and got up to strip.  
Carl turned away on his back to face the wall. He brought up his knees up in a foetal position.  
Negan glanced over at him in curiosity. He had been showing off his muscular body to him but now the kid didn’t look seem like he was interested. He considered shaking him and forcing him to look but thought better of it.  
Forcing ain’t gonna help. Would make things worse. You’ve made the offer but let it be his choice.  
Remember - always his choice. 

‘You don’t want to go in there with me but you’re going after. You stink, boy.’  
A little ghost of a smile quivered over the youth’s lips. Suddenly, he was no longer afraid and the thought of having a shower – just a shower- he reminded himself of the man’s words. It could even be fun. He won’t hurt me.  
‘No – wait. I want to join you!’  
Negan paused pulling off his pants and underwear and smirked back at him over his shoulder.  
‘OK, baby-boy. I’ll be there waitin’ for ya sweet ass.’  
Carl cockily smirked back at him.  
Oh, boy, I could jus’ eat ya up…,Negan thought to himself, seeing the flush of excitement in Carl’s cheeks.  
…..  
Author’s notes Well, it’s unrealistic to expect Carl to get over Rick and everything else just like that. He’ll have some more freak- outs for sure.  
What do you think of Negan in this chapter? Is he different compared to before? Is this good or bad?  
Do you ship Rick and Michonne? Do you want them to get together? I know that he’s an evil bastard who probably doesn’t deserve any comfort or happiness. Makes me sick actually that Michonne is there feeling sorry for Rick, supporting him when he did that to Carl. But she doesn’t know – none of them do.


	13. Retreat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what so you think of Carl’s and Negan’s latest interaction? Is he getting too controlling? Do you think Negan’s been abusing him?

But Negan didn’t wait. He took Carl’s hand and led him into the shower and closed the glass door behind them. He gave a snort of annoyance as they were forced to wait 10 minutes for the water to heat up but they knew that they were lucky enough to have hot water at all. Carl knew that the hot water was fed directly to their bathroom first – it went without saying that Negan got the best of everything before anyone else. He motioned the teen to go through before him and took in his body unmarked by bruises approvingly. Carl was also filling out a bit more with his increased appetite and Negan’s love and looked much healthier than before. The Saviour’s leader had to admit to himself that he liked Carl’s new look a lot more than before even.  
While he held the shower hose and stamped his feet to keep warm, he embraced Carl with his other arm to keep him warm. The boy let him, enjoying his body heat and the sense of safety having his arm around him gave.  
Finally, Negan stopped swearing and sighed in bliss as the hot water hit.

‘Your first, honey. Let’s get that dirty hair of yours clean so it looks nice and shiny like it usually does.’ He pushed Carl into the middle and got some of the shampoo lathered up in his hands.  
‘Close your eyes.’ Carl did, thinking it was funny because his parents used to tell him to do the same when they shampooed his hair when he was small. He no longer minded the names Negan called him even if they did sound like names you would call your girlfriend. He knew that it was meant affectionately.  
Negan applied the thick lather to his hair and gave him a head massage as he did. Carl groaned in contentment, wondering where the hell a man like him had learnt to do that. He even found himself leaning back into those talented hands and purring in contentment.  
‘That feels real good…’ The youth told him dreamily.  
Negan chuckled. ‘There’s more to me than meets the eye, ya know.’ He rinsed his hair all the way through.

‘Now got to wash the rest of you.’  
‘Nah…ya don’t have to do that…I can…’  
‘Well, I want to. Don’t ya trust me, Carl?’  
He gulped and looked away. ‘OK - jus’ no funny stuff, alright?’ Carl told him a little nervously.  
Negan snickered. ‘Whatever ya want.’  
Carl nodded.

Negan picked up the sponge and poured some fruity shower gel onto it and proceeded to wash Carl’s back, his shoulders, his stomach and the rest of his whole body including his buttocks except for his privates, true to his word.  
‘Here. Do yaself. You know where.’ Carl caught the sponge and Negan picked up another and turned away to wash his own body and shampoo his own hair. It was a very tight squeeze for them in the narrow booth and they couldn’t help their bodies touching. Rubbing onto each other, in fact. Carl couldn’t help getting turned on, especially when Negan flaunted his well-maintained body right in front of him after he’d finished his ablutions. It wasn’t long until they were kissing and Negan was running his hands down his back, and then all over him. Caressing him and Carl couldn’t help his body from responding. He gasped and bucked and whined at the older man’s ministrations.  
That’s when Negan flipped them over and pressed him against the shower wall without warning, and after a few perfunctory moves to wam him up (Carl guessed that he thought that he didn’t need any lube because of everything they did before very recently) and then started to push his way inside him.  
That’s when Carl panicked. When he told Negan no touch him like that, he had meant it. It was only Negan’s expert seduction on him that had made him relent and now he realised that he didn’t want to be doing it in the shower. Not in an enclosed space where he felt trap.  
He had nowhere to run to.  
‘No! Stop! It hurts!’

Negan immediately drew himself out. He hadn’t had a chance to bottom out yet so it should have been OK. Yet Carl bit his lower lip to stop himself from crying out from the pain.  
‘I’m sorry.’ The big man was holding him, rocking them on the tiles. ‘I’m sorry – should have thought about everything we’ve already done today and that you must be sore.’  
‘It’s OK.’ Carl told him, braving him out. ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t…’  
‘I’m the one who should be sorry. Didn’t even ask you…’  
‘It doesn’t matter.’

There was a pause before Negan seemed to be pondering something. ‘Well, if I can’t have that, I can have somethin’ else. I’m still horny – see.’ He leered humourously at him.  
With that, the man pushed Carl onto his knees in front of him and stood up to loom over him without another word. ‘Open ya mouth.’  
Carl did and tried to do his best but he kept spluttering and choking. Negan pulled himself out and just looked down at him, with his arms crossed over his chest and looking pissed off. Carl tried again numerous times and when Negan grabbed his hair and twisted it – not harshly enough to hurt but as a warning, he finally spat him out and pushed him away  
‘No! Stop! I can’t!’  
Then he shrank against the glass door and covered his head with his hands in expectation, waiting for the inevitable blows to start raining down on. I’ve pissed him off now and he’s never forced me to do anything. I shouldn’t have told him ‘No’.  
‘Oh, sweetheart.’ He heard the man rumble with sympathy as he picked him up from under his arms.  
He’s not angry with me?

‘Come here.’ Negan crooned.  
Negan pulled him out of the shower with him and wrapped a warm towel that had been hanging on the hot radiator (yes – the Saviours had even hooked up heating to their generator). Carl really started to sob then – at the combination of having not been punished like his father would have done for 1. – being crap at the blowjob and 2. - refusing him. After all, how many times had Negan done it for him? And never asked for it in return.  
Negan said nothing, only pet his hair soothingly before he started to dry him like a father would a small child and dressed him in the warm pyjamas.  
‘Get in or do you feel safer on the sofa?’ The leader drew back the bedclothes. Carl worried that he was angry with him and being sarcastic so he looked for signs of anger on Negan’s face but there were none. His tone was calm and Carl realised that he was actually giving him a choice. 

‘Where do you feel most comfortable? Answer me, son!’  
‘W- with you.’  
Negan smiled and gently nodded in approval. ‘Good boy.’ He motioned him over.  
‘Come here, darlin’. We need to talk.’  
Carl got into the bed beside him and pulled up the covers but the big man made no move to touch him.  
‘I got to ask ya some things. About you and Rick. May I?’ He asked carefully.  
The youth turned away in misery and shuddered. ‘Go on.’  
‘Did he hurt you when he made you do it to him? He did, didn’t he?’  
Carl nodded and turned back to face him with huge, haunted eyes. 

‘I never wanted to – you got to believe me! It’s jus’ that he threatened to hurt Judith… And when I did it wrong…’ His voice petered out. ‘Or I didn’t put any effort into it…’ He added with great difficulty.  
‘But I didn’t know how to do it the first time he made me!’ He protested angrily.  
‘What did he do?’  
‘He ‘punished’ me.’ Carl took a deep, shuddery breath and Negan resisted the urge to comfort him. He knew he had to let the boy tell it in his own time.  
‘Oh- he’d slap me around – tell me how I should be grateful that he wasn’t doing ‘the other thing’ to me but maybe he would since I wouldn’t co-operate.’  
‘Oh, you poor boy….Did he?’  
‘Sometimes.’ The teen shrugged his shoulders like it didn’t matter but Negan’s eagle eyes knew better. How hard it was for Carl to reign in his emotions.  
‘Then he started to get more violent over time. Punchin’ and kickin’ me and stuff. ‘Course by then, he’d taught me how to do it properly. But sometimes I still made mistakes ‘cos I was so nervous…’  
‘I ain’t surprised. That sick fuck…He was your father!’

‘The worst thing were the names, though. He’d call me his ‘whore, his bitch, his slut…and...’  
Negan drew in a deep breath and clenched his fists until his knuckles turned red.  
‘And what, son?’ His voice grew dangerously soft.  
‘A dirty little boy who killed his Mama.’  
Negan retched at that. Even him. Truly, he found some of the things that Rick had said and done to his son literally sickening.  
‘I was a murderer who deserved to be punished. Besides, Mom told me to look after him and so I had to. Especially as I killed her.’  
‘But you didn’t…’  
‘According to him, I did!’  
‘We’ve been over this. You told me she died giving birth to your sister.’  
‘I know that.’ Carl moaned, clenching his own fists. ‘But in my head…’ He sobbed.

Negan couldn’t hold back any longer and pulled him to him.  
‘I heard his voice in my head when …when you made me do it too…’ Carl sobbed against his chest as his older lover stroked his hair. ‘But I hear his voice all the time. Not jus’ when we….(he looked down shyly then and Negan could have kissed him) especially when I’m playin’ with Judith…it’s his fuckin’ voice in my head, callin’ me his whore , his this and that, his everythin’!’  
‘Fuck him. You’re mine now. Don’t cry, Carl…his voice’ll fade with time along with the memories. ‘Specially if we make our own.’ Negan nudged him and chuckled dirtily.  
‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t…both times…’

‘Shh….I should have asked ….not just assumed…Please don’t cry.’  
Suddenly, Carl remembered when his father had punished him just for that. ‘Once, he beat the shit out of me ‘cos I couldn’t stop cryin!’ He cried out suddenly, amazed out how all of this just started to tumble out of his mouth. ‘He was inside me but he was being really rough – rougher than normal and it hurt so much that I couldn’t go somewhere else like I normally do….’ He broke down.  
‘Oh, poor boy. I take it back -you can cry all you like.’ Negan held him tighter.  
‘Can’t expect you to just get over it like that. I’m sorry, Carl. From now on, we’ll take things at your pace. I promise you, baby.’  
‘I’ll …try.’ Carl replied a little uncertainly. ‘I mean - not listen to his voice inside my head and get over it.’  
‘Good boy.’ Negan praised and patted his back. ‘You know what we need so it doesn’t happen again – I mean so that I don’t do anything that you don’t want?’  
‘What?’ The youth looked up at him, a little confused.  
‘A safe-word!’  
Carl looked puzzled again. 

Negan put on his teacher voice as he explained patiently. ‘It’s what you say when you want me to stop. Or things get too much for you.’ (He knew it was mainly for role-plays or for when things got rough and as fragile as Carl currently was, he hadn’t ruled out spicing things out eventually with the boy). If only I can get him over Rick and the sick things he did to him…we could have some real fun here.  
Negan brushed back his hair fondly. ‘Do you want a safe-word, Carl?’  
Carl considered and Negan could almost see the cogs turning in his head.  
‘Yes.’ He nodded.  
‘Any ideas what it should be?’  
‘Rick's a prick.’  
Negan raised his eyebrows and chuckled. How does he know I call him that inside my head?

‘OK – Rick's a prick it is then.’ They both laughed.  
‘Do you feel better now?’  
‘A bit.’ Carl admitted. Somehow his safe word made him feel better about everything.  
‘That’s great.’  
‘The other thing – we’ll hold the initiation ceremony tomorrow. For you to become a Saviour. Do you still want to be one of us?’  
Carl laughed and swung his arms around his neck. ‘Yes!’  
‘And ya still willin’ to give up all loyalty to Rick?’  
‘Yes! Fuck him!’  
Negan chuckled. It did his heart good to see Carl be feisty and not be scared whenever his father came up.  
‘And to the others in your group?’  
‘Yeah…’ There was a little more hesitation this time.  
‘You sure you want to do this? You can’t ever be with them again, you know that.’  
‘I know that – alright – yes!’  
‘Let’s sleep. I’m exhausted.’ Negan announced.  
‘Me too.’ Carl mumbled against his chest.  
Negan smiled and kissed the top of his head. ‘Go to sleep, sweet boy. Ya got a big day tomorrow.’


	14. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long delay – I have been working 7 days a week for the last month or so and was completely exhausted but now I have a bit more free time to write. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as a Christmas present from me and if you can and want to, please give this story kudos and write a comment if you enjoy the story or even if you don’t. I appreciate any feedback, even advice for improvement or ideas for the next chapters that will help me become a better writer. 
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy New Year x x x  
> Thanks for reading x x x  
> Love y’all x xx

Carl feel asleep in his arms almost immediately but Negan knew better. He just lay there with his arms round him and stared up at the ceiling. His mind going around and round at what had just happened.  
I’m no better that Rick. I just abused him. He said he didn’t want to do nothin’ in the shower and I went ahead anyway.  
Well, at least he’s got a safe word now. Hopefully, that will make him trust me more. Make him feel safe.  
‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered and kissed his hair. ‘It’ll never happen again.’  
Carl muttered and shifted his weight and the man waited until he was certain that he was going to wake him up before he eased himself gently from under him.  
Negan left, closing the door quietly behind him with one slow glance back at the boy. Checking him over. Knowing that he wouldn’t try to get anything out of the sleeping boy even if Carl had woken up and begged him to take him, Negan simply didn’t have the stomach for it not after what he’d done. So, he decided to get his dick serviced at his harem and he reckoned the women would be full of jealousy (he hoped) because he spent too much time with his new, underage lover and be falling over themselves to be the first to offer themselves to him.

So, he hoped.  
At least one of the girls will give me a blowjob.  
He wasn’t disappointed. Cindy – captured on one the latest raid and hadn’t seemed sad to leave her group was the first to kneel before him as he walked in. She made her eyes go big and pouted up at him.  
‘You may rise, ladies.’  
She’d been bold and approached him directly while the others had gasped behind her.  
Because Negan always called the shots. And he usually punished those who took liberty with him. But she was young and hot and sexy as hell so he’d let her audacity slide.  
This time. 

But he had smiled at her indulgently as she had climbed in to his lap and wound her arms around his neck. Deliberately pressed her breasts against his chest.  
‘What do I get, sweetheart?’ He whispered in her ear while they could feel the eyes of his other ‘wives’ stabbing into them, especially Maria’s- killer looks full of jealousy. ‘What are you going to give me?’  
Then, thinking about what had nearly happened to Carl, he backtracked and wondered if he should be doing this with her – she’d been traumatised by the abuse for God knows how long . And here I am taking advantage…  
For all, Negan knew – she felt she had to put herself forward because she thought it would stop him from hurting her more or kicking her out of the camp. That thought made his stomach drop like a stone.  
‘But ya can say ‘No’– tellin’ you, we ain’t like those animals in your group back there. You say ‘No’ and you’ll still get fed and given shelter.’ 

She nodded -appeared to be thinking it over. They’d found a group of men – and not the first - if you could call them that – who had their own harems. But they didn’t care if the women they fucked were willing or not. It had made Negan mad and he’d set the example to his men by not even wasting bullets on them but using their knives to stab them in the nuts – just like he’d almost done to Rick for hurting Carl and then brought the women back with them. Most of them were terrified, thinking they’d only been let out of the pot to land into a much bigger fire. Negan had reassured them that was not the case and when some of the young ones readily agreed to be his wives, like Cindy…  
‘Don’t touch the women unless they let you.’ He’d hissed at his men when everyone was in the truck. Negan couldn’t trust some of them completely, knowing what they’d been before. Perverts and scumbags, mostly. But everybody got a chance at a second life at the Sanctuary, such as it was, no matter what they’d done.  
That was the number 1 golden rule. 

‘Hey.’ Her face darkened momentarily and she looked away and he was reminded again of Carl and he lifted her face up by the chin. ‘Don’t worry, we wasted ‘em.’  
She smiled up at him like he was her hero and part of him wondered if she was faking it. ‘That’s why I want to thank you for savin’ me in my own special way.’  
The whole shitty world’s ended but fairy tales have come true again.  
He feigned innocent surprise while the other women looked – some in fury, most with indifference.

‘How, baby?’ His lascivious grin spread from ear to ear as she whispered it to him and he nuzzled her neck approvingly as a reward.  
‘The rest of you – out!’ He held her tighter to him and she giggled. ‘Me and Cindy are gettin’ acquainted properly.’ He smirked at them.  
They bowed and left immediately. Negan pushed her off him (and still mindful of how close he’d skated to abusing Carl) and led the way to his main bedroom. He extended his hand to her courteously.  
‘Still care to join me?’  
She smiled and went to him.  
…  
Back in their rooms – one of older women said ‘Thank God for that. Don’t think I could stomach him tonight.’ Elsie whispered.  
‘Yeah, little Cindy did us a favour.’ Her friend replied.  
‘She don’t know what he is yet.’ Another whispered conspiratorily. ‘What he can do…’.  
‘She’ll learn.’ Someone added ominously.  
‘But he ain’t never hurt us, not even when we said ‘No’ to him.’ Maria piped up.  
‘Maybe not yet.’ Elsie countered. ‘Doesn’t mean he won’t.’  
‘Besides, you know how he hurts Rick’s boy…a minor. It’s disgusting!’ Ruth – another recent newcomer was furious.  
‘Keep your voice down! He’ll hear us and then he’ll burn our faces!’ Elsie admonished them. ‘You don’t know that. Carl seems better now he ain’t all beat up.’

‘He said he raped him. And beats him. Admitted it to everybody in the canteen, apparently!’ Shelby argued.  
‘That’s what he says. But Carl doesn’t act like he’s hurting him. Seems happier than he was before he came here.’  
‘But you seen him all over the boy. And we all have to pretend like we don’t see.’  
‘Yeah, whatever. Who cares about Rick’s brat? He can punish him however he likes – he’s the enemy after all. Just as long as he leaves us alone while they’re together.’ Elsie was always the hard one. The realist. Seeing your husband murdered right in front of you could do that.  
‘You’re heartless, you know that? You’re just jealous because you want him all for yourself.’ Maria retorted.  
‘As if!’  
‘You all agreed to be his ‘wives’. We got food here, a comfortable room and we’re protected. So, you have to sleep with him sometimes. He don’t hurt us. What are you complaining about?’ Lisa said the most words that she ever since she arrived in one go. She barely spoke – she’d come in with Cindy.  
‘But did you really want to be his wife?’ Elsie pushed her.  
‘I only agreed because I thought he would kill me if I didn’t. Even if he said we had a choice. I thought it was a trick.’  
‘Me too.’ Maria agreed.  
‘Don’t lie! You couldn’t wait to get into bed with him. Still sticking up for him even now!’ Elsie was ruthless in her reprimand.  
‘But at least he’s kind of hot.’ Maria piped up.  
…  
Negan rolled off Cindy when he’d finished and he held her for the mandatory polite time period. Then he got up to leave.  
‘Where you going?’  
‘I got things to do, sweetheart. ‘  
‘But it’s not even sunrise, yet!’ She wanted him to hold her again but she was too proud to say it.  
‘I’m sorry, honey.’ He leaned over and pecked her lips. Truth be told, all he wanted was Carl. Cindy had been good and willing in bed and they’d had fun but now he only wanted what the boy could give him. Namely, intimacy and the way Carl looked up at him trustingly and like he was the most important person in his life (apart from Judith, of course).  
Like he walked on water. Despite everything.  
Probably the way he used to look at his father once -upon-a-time.  
Oh, Rick – what did you throw away?  
….  
‘Where ya been?’ Carl questioned him anxiously and as soon as he was in the room Negan smiled, guessing even in the dark that the youth was furrowing his brows.  
‘Don’t you worry. Had shit to do.’  
Negan turned on the light to see him properly. 

‘At 5 in the mornin’? Were you ….’ He bowed his head adoringly, making the man’s heart almost stop in his mouth. ‘were you with them?’ He almost whispered that last word.  
‘Aw…’ Merle chuckled and ran a fond hand through his hair. ‘Don’t get all jealous, sweetie. A man got his needs and one day you’ll understand that. Sounds like you missed me.’  
‘I do – I mean I did. s it…’cos I …’cos I didn’t want to before?’  
‘Don’t be stupid, boy. They’re my wives – they need me too. I have a responsibility to them. But don’t worry, You’re still your Daddy Negan’s favourite.’  
Time for a lesson. Carl sat up but by then, Negan was getting into bed and pulling him to him. ‘Come here, boy.’  
The teenager went willingly and cuddled into him.  
He’ll never do that with you, Rick. Not anymore. Not willingly – you have to force him now.  
Negan grinned smugly and ran a hand possessively down his back.  
Carl sighed and fisted his shirt in his smaller fists as he settled down to sleep but Negan had other ideas.  
‘Don’t go to sleep yet, son. We still got a couple of hours until light.’  
But the younger man shook off his roaming hands. ‘No…wanna sleep.’ He protested sleepily. Carl had stayed awake an hour, worrying and waiting for Negan.  
But Negan wouldn’t stop – his hands wandering all over him, everywhere -trying to arouse him.  
‘No! Stop! Get off me.’ He kicked at him. 

‘Come on. I’ll make it good for you.’ Negan drew back but after a brief pause, started doing it again. Touching him although his hands were just as gentle and unhurried as before. But no less insistent.  
‘No!’ Carl shoved him with so much force that the big man nearly fell off the bed and his eyes widened in surprise. ‘I don’t want you to!’  
His eyes widened in horror and disbelief at what he he’d done and then this time, he was the one to pull back as he stared back at him with fear in a rapid u-turn. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll do anythin’ you want.’  
Negan sighed. Great. He’s regressed after all the progress we made as he was reminded of the same way he kid had shrank against the wall after he’d roughed him up a bit on that first day. He needs another lesson.  
‘Don’t be. That was very good, son. You stuck to your guns but don’t ever go back to the way you were before. Not the way you are with Rick. ‘Next time anyone tries to do somethin’ you don’t want, you tell them ‘No.’ Even me. OK? Got it?’ Negan coached him.  
He took his chin in his hand. ‘Got it?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘I don’t want to force you into anything. You don’t owe me anything.’  
Carl opened his mouth to protest.  
‘No, you don’t. Not that.’  
…..

 

‘Good boy.’ The man released his chin and chuckled. Time for lesson number 2 to test if he’s learn number 1.  
Negan started off with Carl like he often did by innocently brushing the boy’s long hair off his face. Carl sighed and lay his head on top of his chest, thinking that they were going for a snuggle and a short nap before sunrise. Negan smiled and carried on caressing his head and face until he felt Carl relax and go limp. His breathing became slower. Then without warning, he kissed him.  
Carl’s eyes flew open and Negan felt him reflexively gag and draw back at the surprise intrusion of his tongue inside his mouth. But the man pinned him to the bed and hushed him before he finally broke off the kiss.  
‘What the fuck did you go and do that for? I was sleepin’!’

He gazed down at the boy, noting his flushed cheeks and thundering heartbeat and panicked breathing. How the hell does someone sound so damn furious and look so terrified at the same time?  
Part of Negan felt guilty because he knew that it was wrong to treat someone like this especially an underage, traumatised boy but he couldn’t help enjoy the power he wielded over him a little bit.  
I’m not doing this for myself – it’s all to make him better. But even it sounded false to his mind’s ears.  
‘Now, now, pottymouth.’ Negan chided gently and kissed him again even though Carl had clenched his fists and looked like he wanted to kill someone. His older lover mainly. But like a champ, despite his initial reluctance, Carl was getting into it and kissing him back!  
Let the games begin, Negan thought slyly to himself.

Lesson number 2.  
Negan carefully reached for the object he’d prepared earlier.  
‘Close your eyes, sweetie.’  
Carl looked at him suspiciously with one eye-brow cocked. ‘W-What?’  
‘Close ‘em!’ 

Unable to resist that authority in his voice, Carl did as he was told but he let out a little whimper of panic.  
‘Hush. Don’t you trust me?’ Negan soothed. ‘It’s a surprise.’ He kissed each of the youth’s eyelids and although he saw them flutter frantically, good boy that he was, Carl kept them closed. But his breathing got faster.  
He jerked and let out another whimper of surprise when he felt what Negan did next.  
The leader brought out the blindfold he’d found earlier and put them over his eyes.  
‘I can’t see!’ Carl protested angrily.

‘You don’t need to.’ Negan kissed his way down his throat and he moaned. That’s it – his sweetspot. He loves that.  
Negan followed this up by little, gentle nibbles and licked his way down his collarbone. When he got to Carl’s nipples, he lapped all round them with his tongue, the boy bucked and moaned, forgetting to be all scared.  
I hope he goes lower – flicks his tongue all over it like he usually does…  
Carl writhed in excitement.  
Then without warning, Negan took out he second object he had hidden from the boy initially, not wanting to freak him out although he’d planned to use it along. He used the first piece of long rope to tie his hands to the bedstead but loosely so he could move him onto his back or on his front as he wished.  
The teen didn’t have time to resist since he couldn’t see what was going on until the last minute. 

‘What…?’  
‘Sh… Don’t be scared, son. It’s OK. No-one’s going to hurt you.’  
Negan started to tug the hapless boy’s pyjamas down.  
‘No…’ Carl whimpered but Negan didn’t listen. Started to undo his belt (he hadn’t bothered to get dressed again after he saw his women) ignoring his protests.  
‘Sh…don’t cry.’ He bent over to kiss his cheek but the boy flinched away from his body. ‘Daddy Negan ain’t gonna hurt you.’ Not like your Daddy Rick. He added silently.  
‘Stop!’ 

Negan sighed and withdrew but then pulled his legs apart and tied each of his ankles to the bed-legs  
Carl was sobbing by this time and struggling to get free.  
The man hesitated and frowned. Can I really go through with this? What the fuck am I doing anyway?  
‘Let me go.’ The boy sobbed.  
Negan didn’t answer as he opened the beside drawer and opened the little tube and slathered his hand in lube.  
Carl cringed away when he felt Negan run his fingers down his crack, not getting turned on like he usually did.  
‘Please don’t. He used to do it to me!’  
Negan paused and drew back and blanched, despite himself.  
‘What do you mean?’ He was genuinely confused.  
‘Tie me up!’ Carl’s voice was barely audible, muffled as it was with his face facing on the bed.  
Negan snorted in disgust.  
‘How many times did he do that to you, son?’ 

‘A couple of times. Bastard used his police handcuffs – got a kick out of it. Liked to pretend I was a difficult prisoner who needed ‘punishing’. So, you can’t! Untie me go, please Negan.’  
Negan was momentarily sickened and then he got over his feelings of pity and disgust. Maybe that’s a good idea for the future when he can take it. Would make a nice roleplay. Besides, I can do whatever the hell I want with you, boy and anyone else including your Daddy Dearest or any of the other groups who bring us tribute. Negan thought all this but he didn’t say. He couldn’t say that and traumatise Carl anymore.  
The thought that he already was traumatising him just by doing what he was doing never occurred to him.  
‘Just stop! You can’t!’ He repeated and struggled against his bonds.  
‘Can’t I?’ Negan took a strand of his hair in hand and curled it gently while Carl only cried harder with abandon.  
‘I said I’d never hurt you and I meant it. You know what to do if you want to make me stop.’  
‘W-What?’  
‘Remember what we discussed?’  
Carl whimpered and shook his head.  
Negan turned him over and whipped off his blindfold. Carl blinked at him with weeping, red eyes.  
‘Tell me your safeword, son.’ Negan spoke softer to him this time. ‘And it’ll stop. Promise.’  
‘R…Rick’s…a…a…prick.’ He stuttered. ‘Fuckin’ untie me and let me go!’ He added furiously and kicked out at him.  
Negan untied his hands and feet and Carl was up on his feet and yanking his pyjama bottoms back on. He looked furious enough to kill Negan. In fact he lunged at him and started to punch him in the chest.  
‘I hate you! You’re just like him!’ Negan took it all before he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.  
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ Negan repeated and soothed his hair. ‘I jus’ wanted you to understand.’  
‘By scarin’ the shit out of me? Makin me relive….Don’t you ever do that again, ya hear?’  
‘I didn’t mean it to go so far. ‘Jus’ you needed a lesson, is all.’  
‘What?’ Carl looked up at him in confusion.

‘How to say ‘No.’ It’s your body. Yours. And if you can’t say no when you don’t want somethin’ or someone. I know what he did to you – made you feel like you couldn’t say ‘No’. Didn’t give you a choice but you’ll always have a choice with me.’  
Carl snorted and yanked his head away from his touch. ‘Yeah right. Told you I didn’t want do nothin’ in the shower but you just went right ahead. Made me…’ He couldn’t even say it and he bowed his head in shame.  
‘But I did stop, didn’t I?’  
Carl looked up at him with red, fury-filled eyes. ‘I hate you.’  
‘Come on, I said I’m sorry. I know I took it to far. Can’t we forget about it and go back to sleep for a couple of hours.’  
Carl turned over with his back facing Negan without answering.  
Negan tried to pull him back to him but he shrugged him off. ‘No. Don’t fuckin’ touch me. Me and Jude are leaving.’  
Negan gave up and froze.

Fuck. What have I done now?  
‘You gonna go back to Rick?’  
‘Yeah.’  
‘With her? If he can do it to you,…’  
‘Better than being with you. You’re a psycho.’  
Negan reached over and turned him over onto his back. ‘What did you say to me?’  
‘I said I hate you and you’re a fuckin’ psycho!’  
Despite himself, Negan was more hurt than angry at this unforgiveable display of disrespect. But I did do something wrong – he has a right to be angry. I pushed him too hard when he wasn’t ready. Jus’ because tying him up was my fantasy…

‘Please don’t leave and take that precious girl with you. I love both of you like my own.’  
‘Funny way of showing it!’ Carl pushed his hands that were gripping the tops of his arms away and turned back stubbornly on his side. ‘I fuckin’ trusted you!’  
‘Well, I guess your initiation ceremony tomorrow is off then.’ Negan sighed and finally gave up and reached above him to turn the light off. He could only hope that Carl would change his mind.  
Then he had an idea. Did Carl know what day it was tomorrow? He didn’t think so.  
…………..  
Carl woke up and stretched and smiled as the weak winter sunshine streamed through the net curtains.  
Then he remembered. Did I really say that to Negan? That I hate him and he’s a psycho?  
But he made out he was gonna rape me like Dad! But he didn’t, did he? And he wouldn’t. Never. He did it all to help you, to show you... To teach you... That small voice in his head answered him. And he says he’s sorry and it’ll never happen again and a yawn, you’ve got your safe word. Anyway, I – we - can’t leave. What was I thinking telling him that? He’s nothing like Rick. He did some weird stuff and scared me but in the end, he stopped when I told him to.  
He turned round. ‘Negan?’  
But Negan wasn’t there.  
No…Fuck! Carl leapt up to test the door. But he could open it easily.  
He sighed and sank to the bed. Then he found the big, bulky object under his pillow.  
…  
Then Negan burst in. ‘You’re still here? Good. Do you know what today is?’  
Carl shook his head and looked at the red thing he’d pulled from under his pillow. A red stocking full of candy, small oranges, chocolate and gifts of 2 sci-fi/fantasy novels and some simple games that obviously didn’t require electricty. Despite his anger at Negan, he couldn’t stop the smile lifting up the corners of his mouth.  
‘It’s Christmas Day! And your Initiation Ceremony later on if you’ve changed your mind.’

‘Is this all for me?’ Carl didn’t answer straightaway. ‘Nobody mentioned Christmas and I lost track of the days…I didn’t get you anything!’ He suddenly felt a stab of panic.  
‘Don’t worry about it because we don’t normally celebrate it….since it happened. Ain’t no point really and it’s a waste of precious resources. But I picked out your gifts a long time in advance.’  
‘We never did either.’ Carl suddenly felt sad and homesick when he remembered happy Christmasses spent with him and his mom and dad before the Apocalypse. Eating his dad’s turkey dinner and his mum’s apple dessert, unwrapping their presents in front of the TV, walking their dog in the evening. It used to be his favourite time of the year.  
…  
Just then, Judith toddled in, clutching her own red stocking full of gifts including toys. She’d been brought there by someone who just opened the door and pushed her in, then promptly disappeared. Carl laughed and opened his arms to her and cuddled her in her new, festive red dress with the scarlet ribbon in her hair. Negan approached him hesitantly on the side of the bed and tentatively ran a hand through his hair. When Carl didn’t shake him off, he even ventured an arm around his shoulder and wrapped the other around the child. He was even more relieved when the boy unconsciously leaned into him.  
‘Do you like your presents, Carl? What about you, Judith, sweetie? Do you like yours?’  
‘Negan! Yes!’ She laughed and clapped her hands.  
‘She’s also got a dollhouse if you want to see it later.’  
Carl looked up at him and smiled.

‘Am I forgiven?’  
‘I’m not sure.’ But he was grinning when he said it. ‘Thank-you. From both of us.’  
‘But you haven’t seen your main present yet. Come on.’  
Carl followed him, leading his sister by the hand. Negan took them to the front yard and he almost gasped at what he saw.  
A brand-new Harley-Davidson complete with a black leather jacket slung across the saddle.  
‘Thank-you! Thank-you!’ He hugged the big man who beamed and rubbed his back.  
‘I am sorry, you know.’ Negan whispered. ‘Go on, try it.’

Carl was nearly in tears of happiness but they weren’t all completely of joy. Because the motorcycle and the jacket couldn’t help remind him of the Dixon brother he’d betrayed. He’d always looked up to Daryl and envied his leather jacket with the angel-wings printed on the back.  
Had wanted to just like him when he grew up.  
He shivered and wiped away his tear because it all just served to remind him of his guilt.  
Nothing you can do about it now.  
But I don’t really feel like he’s dead. Would I know if he really was? They say that about twins – when one dies, the other knows straightaway.  
But Daryl isn’t your twin. You and him and Merle aren’t even related.  
I’m sorry, Daryl. Hope you’re OK wherever you are. He thought this in his head as he climbed the saddle and turned the ignition key feeling like he didn’t deserve to be happy while his sister watched all this in awe.  
‘You driven one of these before?’  
Carl shook his head while Negan explained how the motorbike worked although he knew he could have worked it out himself. This caused more unbidden memories to appear – Daryl tinkering with his engine and Carl passing the tools to him. The younger Dixon explaining how his bike’s engine worked and the different gears.  
He wiped his tears away again as he drove around the big patch of yard, causing Negan to frown in concern. He laid one hand on his shoulder when Carl stopped.  
‘Hey, what’s wrong, son? Don’t you like it? Why the tears?’  
‘It jus’ reminded me of someone who died, is all.’ He forced cheeriness into his voice. ‘But I really love it!’  
‘Do you want a ride, Sweetie? Here – go up there with your big brother.’ Negan picked up Judith and put her on the saddle in front of Carl. ‘Hold on there, baby.’ He told her.  
She laughed and shook her hair so that all her curly, locks caught the sunlight and reflected them in glints of gold. 

‘That reminds me - both of you need helmets. Then man reached into the bike’s saddle bags and took out one for Carl and another child-sized for Judith. ‘Don’t ever ride it without them.’  
Carl loved him for that for what it showed about how Negan thought about them and their relationship. That Judith was an important part of their family and the helmets were enough by themselves not even including all the presents - to convince him to stay. As long as Negan doesn’t do that shit to me again.  
‘Hold her in between your knees.’ Negan instructed Carl after he’d pulled the straps. ‘Don’t let her fall off. Just go up to that lone tree up there and then turn and straight back, OK?’ He touched his shoulder in an earnest clasp.  
‘Am I forgiven, son? Will ya stay with me? I promise I’ll change and not act like a prick anymore.’

Carl looked up at him with happiness and not caring about who was around or who may be watching, he reached up to peck his lips in answer.  
‘Yes.’ He smiled up at him. ‘To both.’ Then they set off, churning up the dust behind them with Judith shrieking in excitement.

Negan chuckled and shaded his eyes with hand. He was happy to see Carl and Judith enjoying themselves.


	15. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Just to celebrate – here is a monster chapter of over 4000 words. If you like it and feel like giving me kudos/and or a comment, I would be most grateful. Enjoy!

When Judith and Carl came back, Negan hugged and kissed them on the cheek.  
‘Did you enjoy that?’ He asked Judith and she smiled up at him.  
‘Can we go again?’ Carl pleaded with him like he was her age. ‘Please…’ He looked up at him imploringly. ‘Pretty please.’  
Oh, you are pretty, my sweet. It did his older lover’s heart good to see his reaction to his gift. Like he’d given Carl back some of his childhood that had been stolen by his father. 

Negan grinned and chuckled. ‘OK. You can go out and around the inner perimeter but don’t stray beyond that. And I want you both back safely by dinner, boy. Don’t be late. And keep your helmets on.’ He told them in a firm voice that held a fatherly tone.  
They didn’t need to be told twice as Carl sped off this time with more confidence and Judith screeched again in delight.

Negan stretched and grunted and motioned to Dwight to follow him. ‘Back to work, everybody! I know it’s Christmas Day but that don’t mean shit in our world anymore.’ Yet a little smile twisted his mouth. He had plans to make this year special and pull the boat out so to speak.  
Now I’ve got my own ‘children’ again. The ones I stole from Rick. One he didn’t want and the other he hurts in every way he can, the sick fuck. 

But what kind of man fucks children? He asked himself. Rick does. And so do I, apparently.  
Try as hard to convince himself that he wasn’t abusing or taking advantage of Carl as he might, he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt. He also wanted to make sure that Carl didn’t change his mind and decide to leave after all and one way was to show him that the grass really did grow greener in the Sanctuary than anywhere else. They probably ain’t had a proper Christmas in years.  
‘Sandra – you and your team stop gardening or whatever the fuck you’re doin’ and prepare for the Initiation Ceremony after dinner.’

She looked shocked and so did those around her. ‘The Initiation Ceremony? For Carl? Are you sure..?’  
‘You questioning me? Who else do you think it’s for? There ain’t no-one else getting initiated into my inner circle tonight, is there?’ He demanded with a dangerous edge to his voice.  
No, my Lord. Plea…Please forgive me.’ She kowtowed to the floor. ‘I only thought…’  
‘Don’t challenge me. Get up. You’re embarrassing yourself but I forgive you this one time.’  
She obeyed, lifting her forehead from the ground in relief that she still had her head on top of her shoulders. And her face with it.

‘Yes, my Lord. Th-Thank-you, Lord Negan.’ She even curtsied drawing some funny looks.  
‘You know what to do. You’re in charge.’ He told her. Then he looked around at the others gawping.  
‘What are you all lookin’ at? Thought I told you to get on with your tasks?’ He roared.  
‘Yes, my Lord.’ The other Saviours mimicked her as they scurried away fearfully, not daring to speak about what was on their mind. They had watched Rick’s children receive the expensive gift. Many of with open envy, one or two with sardonic smiles. Now they turned away and got back to their jobs because festival or no festival – it didn’t matter to anyone anymore. Surviving was what was important. And it looked like to them that Carl’s fate was already sealed although they all knew about his brave but reckless stunt to get in to their camp that revealed he already had a lot of combat experience.

However, they also knew that he was still a skinny kid who didn’t quite have a full-grown man’s strength yet.  
….  
Meanwhile, a mere few miles away, Rick lay on his bed at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, despondent.  
‘Rick – you’ve got to get up. The group needs you. You ain’t gone out there and spoken to them in days.’  
‘Go away.’ He muttered and gave her his back.  
‘Rick…..you didn’t go and see Herschell. You never let him check ya out after…after …that man attacked you.’  
‘Because I don’t need any doctor! I’m fine. Wounds healin’!’  
‘No, you ain’t.’ She was insistent and shook his shoulder. He shook her off in turn, angrily muttering to himself.’  
‘I want my kids back. I don’t care ‘bout nothin’ else.’  
‘I know you do. Listen Rick…you’re depressed, that’s obvious. What else did …he…he do to you?’ She asked for what felt like the 1000th time. ‘Is that why you won’t see Herschell?’  
‘I ain’t depressed!’ He covered his face with his hand like a child. ‘Jus’ so, so tired.’ He sighed.  
Michelle didn’t say anything more but got on the bed beside him. ‘At least get some painkillers for that broken shoulder and collarbone of yours. Your wrist must still be hurting.’

‘Wrist’s fine. Ain’t broke.’  
‘But your other injuries…’  
‘Told you before. We can’t afford to run out of medicine, not now those Sanctuary bastards are taking half of any medical supplies we scavenge.’  
‘Rick…you’re in pain. And who knows if your broken bones are healin’ right? And you need those drugs.’  
‘Give the ‘em to someone who deserves them.’ He half-mumbled under his breath. ‘Besides, I don’t exactly pull my weight anymore.’  
‘Oh, Rick…Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t deserve what he did.’  
‘How do you know?’ He snapped at her.  
She chose her words carefully. ‘Because people…who’ve been through something like you have – especially women- will often blame themselves. But they had no control over what happened.’  
He shook his head. 

‘And I also know because of this.’ She took his head in her hands and pecked his lips. ‘You’re a good man.’ He held back at first when she moved in for the kill.  
Shouldn’t be doin’ this. Not with her.  
‘Do you know what today is? It’s the 25th of December.’ She announced happily although he reckoned half the group didn’t know what day it was.

‘Oh, Christmas. Well, we ain’t never been able to celebrate it properly.’ He wished not for the first time that the Dixon brothers were still there – even the obnoxious racist Merle because they knew where to forage herbs and root vegetables and how to hunt squirrels.’  
‘We may not have turkey and all the trimmings but we got each other. That’s what’s most important. Do you want your present now?’ She pouted at him, her lips looking bloodier red than normal and her huge eyes looking even bigger than usual. Or so it seemed to him. The taut muscles standing out on her biceps that were used to waving the sword around that had been so cruelly taken from her. Her ebony skin seemed even darker and more than that, it was glowing. 

He felt himself stirring down there although nowadays he had generally had zero attraction for the opposite sex since he started on with Carl but they were friends and she was one hot chick with a tight and lean body.  
Why not? He thought. A man has needs and just because Carl isn’t here to service me doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun if she’s willing.  
And when she kissed him, he kissed her back properly this time. She got hungry then, making him panic and he faltered.  
‘You’re a good man.’ She said and tried to soothe him. ‘I would never have feelings for someone bad. I’d know if they were.’  
He stared at her blankly. What about Carl? I can never betray Lori even after she’s dead….  
But then he gave in and before either of them knew it, they both had their clothes off and she was straddling him but he could tell that she was being careful with his broken shoulder although he was ignoring it like he had for days.  
‘No….’ He moaned.

She stopped moving and looked at him quizzically. ‘Is it the pain?’  
He shook his head. ‘Don’t stop.’ The he rolled her over so she was beneath him because that way if he closed his eyes and shut out the pain and the noises of pleasure she was making, he could imagine that it was Carl. He thought she was going to protest at first but then gave in gracefully when he rolled her nipple in his mouth between his tongue and just grazing it with his teeth while he tweaked the other. She arched her back and purred in pleasure just like Lori used to. 

Yeah, Lori used to like that move too. Not bad for the first time with a woman since she passed. I hope she can forgive me wherever she is. No – she wouldn’t want me to be alone, just like I wouldn’t want her to be if our situations were reversed.  
She’d understand.  
But will the group? Do I want them to know about me and ‘Chonne? Won’t it make me look like a heartless bastard while Carl is still a prisoner of that crazy sadist who’s doing God-knows-what to him? I don’t believe what he said about Carl letting him. How can I do this with her? How could she?  
After they both had finished, Michonne lay there, holding him.  
‘Will you promise you’ll let Herschell look at you now?’  
He was sleepy and content for once, the pain and his worry for his son that never went away until were now at a manageable distance.  
‘Okay.’ He sighed into her bosom. She’s holding me just like she did Carl on that fateful road when he’d been attacked and nearly….  
He couldn’t help shivering at the memory even though he did the exact same thing to his son. ‘But let’s keep this jus’ between us, for now. At least until we get rid of the Saviours.’ He said.  
‘I couldn’t agree more.’ She replied, playing with his hair.  
But what the hell am I going to do if and when we get Carl back? How am I going to have my fun with him when she’ll always be hanging around us like a bad smell? Was the last thing he thought before he fell into a deep slumber.  
……  
Negan finished giving orders for the setting up of the canteen in time for Carl and Judith and all the other kids. Something he’d never bothered about before. Then again, today was a special day. He missed dressing up as Santa like he had in the old world and handing out free gifts bought with his own money to local kids whose parents were to poor to buy them any.  
Can’t do that. Can’t appear soft or weak.  
Or human, his mind whispered sinisterly. 

He hadn’t been worried about the Initiation Ceremony because he planned to make Carl’s an exception to the norm – he wouldn’t have to pass the almost impossible test to enter the circle of Saviour elites directly under Negan. No, no…I won’t risk anything happening to my precious baby boy. Also, if Carl dies, what bargaining chip do I have over Rick? ‘Cos from what I gather of the man when I talked to him and from what his son says, he don’t give a shit about Judith, mainly because he’s convinced himself that she ain’t his. If Carl don’t survive tomorrow, the only answer would be to pretend that he was still alive but the truth would get out eventually.  
So, Carl will be treated differently. Not like the others. Won’t perform in the Games tonight like some sort of performing bear only to be killed. Even though he is a tough kid for his age and a decent fighter.  
Well, that was the plan.  
…..  
Carl and Judith both gasped at the sight that confronted their eyes as Negan led them in by the hand. The whole canteen was lit up in multi-coloured fairy lights, red banners with gold lettering and streamers and a huge decorated Christmas tree looming over it all in the corner. Underneath it were a few wrapped up presents in red and silver foil for the other kids only, not them as they’d already got theirs, so Carl assumed. Red for boys, silver for girls, probably.

The Savours had even rustled up a snow machine to give the room a more seasonal feel. And there was even real wine and beer – plenty to go round as well as some illegal moonshine but Negan forbade him from drinking that. With good reason too.

And the food – no turkey of course but there was gammon, roast chicken and even beef with all the traditional trimmings – yams covered in marshmallow, 2 types of stuffing and mash and roast potatoes cooked in butter and other vegetables. Desserts include a slice of pumpkin pie or apple strudel and custard among other cakes including dainty pink and white iced cupcakes. Judith chose a pink one of those. However, Carl wasn’t partial the gammon as he knew how the Kingdom fed the pigs it gave to the Sanctuary as tribute but he didn’t say anything about it. After all, he hadn’t forgotten Glen or Abraham’s deaths or how he’d been attacked even if he was going to transfer his loyalty to them that night. 

Where did they get it all from? How can they squander electricity on fairy lights and fake snow like that? Carl wondered. But he knew. He knew. He tried not to dwell on it or feel guilty about it. He also couldn’t help imagining Christmas back home. If they were lucky, they might have squirrel stew to pass round and a bottle of whiskey if the Saviours hadn’t seized all their booze beforehand.  
I’ve been through shit – he told me I had and this is the least I deserve. Anyway, at least he seems to really care about Jude. Can’t say that for Rick.

‘Did you ever do this before? I mean celebrate it?’ Carl asked him with awe as they took their seats after everyone had kneeled to the floor and greeted them. He tried not to look at the people – he only had to do with a few of them anyway when he did his chores but he couldn’t ignore the strange looks some of them gave him. Was it pity?

For some reason, an icy finger trailed its way down his spine but he did his best to not dwell on it, wondering if it had something to do with this mysterious Initiation Ceremony. Nobody had told him what it involved and he was resolved on finding out – he planned to ask Negan in bed that very night.  
Still, he didn’t want to let that ruin the wonderful Christmas dinner and the festive atmosphere that their host had gone to so much trouble to create. Carl had to hand it to Negan. This is all the things we miss – well me, not Jude – she never had a Christmas like it used to be. And that thought made him sad and for a split second he felt like crying when he remembered all those Christmasses with his parents. When it seemed like the world would go on as normal until he was grown up, his children were grown up and their children too. 

We took it all for granted – never even imaging the dead would come back to life and take over the world and that there would be no more Christmas.  
But here it is.

‘No, we never did.’ The Leader answered his question. ‘Only for you, sweet boy and you, precious girl.’ He kissed their foreheads in turn like he was their father now and not Rick, not caring who was watching. Besides, anyone who was should be careful to hide their emotions and keep a straight poker-face like the Savours usually did in the presence of their Beloved Leader. 

‘Thank-you! Oh – it’s beautiful, just like it used to be!’ Carl gushed gratefully. He wanted to hug Negan but felt uncomfortable in front of the Saviours. ‘It’s amazing. This is the best Christmas we’ve ever had (he quickly backtracked) – I mean since it all happened.’  
‘Do you like it, Jude?’ Negan chuckled then slapped them gently on their backs. She clapped and giggled.  
‘Well, what you waiting for, boy? Go and get some food for you and her from the buffet. I’ll get mine after. Got somethin’ I want to do first.’ With that he lit his cigar and leaned back, legs astride. After he downed the first glass of whiskey and the second, he had a change of heart and made an announcement. ‘No Games tonight – that means the Initiation Ceremony is delayed until tomorrow. Let’s just eat and drink and relax, hey, people?’  
Negan saw Carl turn back to him from where he was regarding the meats in the buffet with a questioning look.  
They all cheered and raised their glasses to him. ‘Thank-you, Lord Negan! Merry Christmas, Lord Negan!’ They hailed him with genuine feeling.

Negan grinned and raised his glass to them. Well, had to do something for my PR. Dwight reckons everybody needs a treat and a holiday – why do we get those other dumb assholes to salvage for us if not so we can afford Christmas?

His smile grew even wider after he belched after his 6th glass of whiskey before he sensibly downgraded to beer as he watched the Sanctuary kids open their presents with glee. They included toys that didn’t need to run on batteries or electricity, books etc – more traditional toys picked out by Negan himself like a mechanical clock which could be wound up and then a yellow bird would shoot out of the doors on the hour. As well as other clockwork toys and toy cars and dolls. The parents all beamed and raised a toast to him and he was in a fine mood. 

‘His’ kids – was how he thought of Carl and Jude now - had already received theirs – wouldn’t do any good to have their gifts outshine the others there even though there had been plenty of witnesses to see Carl ride his Harley-Davidson for the first time.  
….  
After dinner, Negan sent Carl up to their room and Jude to the nursery. ‘Wait for me up there.’ He let his fingers trail down through the teen’s hair and down his back and he smirked when he fancied he saw the boy’s eyes flutter and felt him shiver in anticipation. The beer he’s drunk don’t do nothin’ bad to help relax him. Weren’t my idea neither – I told him he can drink if he wants as long as he doesn’t go crazy.  
‘You really want to thank me, son – you can do later in the bedroom.’ He whispered huskily in his ear. He thought he saw Carl nod almost imperceptibly.  
‘Now, up to bed the both of you!’ He told them and watched them leave.

‘What is it, Dwight?’ He asked is first-in-command who had been slowly edging near him after the both of them had gone.  
Negan could see the other man was nervous and fidgeting. Twisting his hands even.  
He smiled at him indulgently. ‘Do you want to talk in my office, Dwight?’  
‘Yes, please, my Lord.’  
‘Fine.’  
When they got there and their privacy was assured by a closed door,  
Negan jerked his head at his most trusted henchman. ‘Well, what is it?’  
‘Forgive me, my Lord but you know I always tell you the truth as I see it to protect you and the Sanctuary.’  
‘Yeah, yeah get on with it.’ Negan wanted another drink before he went back to Carl. He was looking forward to bedtime.

‘It’s the Initiation Ceremony. I guess you plan to change it for Carl…so that it won’t be so dangerous? I know you’re very…fond of him.’  
‘Why, course I do. Do you really think I’ll let him die? Besides, if I let him be killed, where does that leave us with Rick, huh?’  
‘Begging your pardon, you can’t, my Lord. Change it, I mean.’  
‘And why the fuck is that?’  
‘Because they won’t respect you or him.’  
‘I don’t give a flyin' fuck what they think!’ Negan banged the table.  
‘I’ve …heard things. What happened with Carl and Spencer and his best buddy weren’t no coincidence. They knew the boy was with you but they still decided to defy you anyway, even when you broke Spencer’s hand and they did what they did.’

Negan’s eyes flashed with fury as he untied Lucille from his belt and waved it front of the hapless man’s face who didn’t flinch 1 inch. Just looked back at him calmly.  
Stubbornly. Kind of reminds me of Rick, actually. 

‘And they weren’t the only ones. There were mutterings against you before…maybe Spencer or someone else was planning to overthrow you…And what they say about you and the boy behind your back…’  
Negan lowered the weapon as he saw what the man was saying made sense. He’d been reluctant to analyse the incident for what it was. Fuck – I hope Christmas didn’t make me look soft and weak.  
Or human.  
No – I think that was OK. Reminded people of my power and what I can give them that nobody else has around here.

‘What do they say about us? Actually, don’t tell me. I know already.’ He said in a calmer tone.  
‘As you wish my lord.’ The man was clearly breathing easier.  
‘Well, do what you do best and root out the traitors.’  
‘It’s not that simple. Jus’ sayin’ if you break with tradition and go easy on the boy because you like him, you and he will both look weak. Especially, if he enters our inner circle afterwards. Looks like you favour him because….because of your special relationship.’

‘Can’t I cancel the Ceremony then?’  
Dwight sighed regretfully. I like the kid too. ‘That will also undermine you.’  
‘So you mean the kid has to go in there, with his hands bound and face those dead skanks alone?’  
‘The same as everyone else.’  
‘Fuck.’ Negan sighed. ‘Hardly anybody survives the Games and him still shy of 17. Fuck! Should never have suggested it in the first place. Wait a minute – isn’t he a minor? Don’t we have special rules for underage kids?’  
Dwight considered this. ‘I’m afraid not. Remember Sammy? He was even younger than Carl now when he died in the cage.’  
That was bad but the stupid kid broke the rules twice. ‘Fuck! What have I done?’ Negan cursed. ‘Leave me be.’ 

He sank his head in his hands on his desk as soon as the door was safely closed behind Dwight.  
When Negan got back to his room, the first thing he did was go up the bed and hold Carl like he never wanted to let him go. The boy was not a little surprised.  
‘Negan?’  
‘Yeah, Sweetheart?’  
‘What exactly do I have to do for this Ceremony tomorrow? Nobody will tell me.’ He asked a little anxiously.  
Negan sighed deeply before he began to speak.

Author's Note:

So, are you scared for Carl? Can he really turn his back on his group and swear loyalty to Negan and his crew? What did you think of Negan's Christmas celebrations? What's going on with Rick and Michonne?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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	16. Let the Games Begin: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so long describing the Games that I had to split it into 2. Sorry for the delay in updating but I’ve had some struggle in deciding how to write this chapter…usually I see the scene in my head and hear the character’s talking then I can describe the scene and write down the dialogue but it just wouldn’t come until now. But it’s a massive chapter to make up for it. Good news – Part 2 should be posted quite quickly after.   
> I hope you enjoy this and feel free to give me kudos and/or a comment if you want to. Comments – good or bad – inspire me and help me become a better writer. Thanks x 
> 
> …

Negan explained. ‘I thought I could change it to somethin’ else but apparently I can’t change tradition – not even for you.’ He slapped his forehead in frustration. ‘I’ve only gone and fuckin’ signed your death warrant.’ I can barely say it. Even the thought of it…and saying it out loud will make it real.  
Will make it happen and I can’t stop it.

Carl had expected something similar – he knew by the cagey and curious looks the Saviours had given him when Negan announced the ceremony. He couldn’t help but feel a least a little apprehensive, especially as he still didn’t know what he had to do but all he wanted to do was take away the guilt-stricken, grief-stricken look on his lover’s face.

‘That’s OK.’ Carl was surprisingly calm and too his hand before he kissed him on the mouth. Negan closed his eyes before he deepened their kiss.   
‘I can handle myself whatever it is.’ Carl said when they broke off and puffed his chest out. The older man’s heavy heart lightened a little when he saw how far he had come now that he was no longer being abused. How less deflated he was and how much he’d filled out from all the extra food and love that Negan lavished on him. Even if he was never exactly stuck for confidence before.  
‘I know you can, honey. But…’

‘What do I have to do?’ The boy interrupted him. ‘Just tell me.’   
‘You have to go into the cage with your hands tied behind your back and fight 10 of those dead fucks at the same time and I know how you feel about being tied up. But the one blessing is that they’ll be let in 1 by 1 so if you can your hands free somehow early on, you have a good chance.’  
‘OK….’ Carl mused more calmly than he felt for Negan’s sake even though his heart was a thumping jackhammer in his chest. ‘Do I get given a weapon at least?’   
‘You should get several as you’re an Initiationee and not being executed…They’ll be lying on the ground.’ If you can get to them on time. At the look on the other’s face, Negan thought – Oh, shit what I have let slip now? He don’t know about the executions. 

‘You execute people that way? Without giving them a weapon?’ Carl couldn’t help exclaim in surprise. Despite his time there, no-one had told him about the Games and how Negan killed the people who seriously displeased him and the leader had never allowed him to watch.   
‘It’s just sport. Now, you just stay here in our room and wait for me to get back.’ The big man had ordered him last month before he shut their door behind him. Carl had believed him despite the uproar and noise he heard outside. He’d had no desire to mix with the Saviours back then and had zero curiosity about their way of life, especially as he could sense their initial (from some – murderous) hostility. He wasn’t invested in his future there, especially as Negan had implied in not some many words that he was going to kill him after he’d had his fun with him or he outlived his usefulness. Whatever came first. All the teenager had been thinking about was escape. 

In fact, no-one’s told me chicken-shit about this place. No-one answers my questions. He must have told them not to. 

‘Carl…’  
‘Sorry. I…I…didn’t know, was all. Besides, I shouldn’t judge. Ain’t my place.’ The boy quickly back-tracked.   
‘Don’t say that. You’re going to be part of it very soon and then I’ll show you around.’ If you survive, that is, Negan added mentally in silent grief. Fuck – and he don’t even know about the Ironings or the other punishments for traitors and defectors. But he’s seen Dwight’s face – but still doesn’t know. What if he leaves me in disgust?

That’s if he survives. No – he will – I won’t let him die. He’s special, not like the others and I don’t give a flying fuck what my people think of me. I’m the leader, I’m in charge and I make the rules.  
Means I can break them if I need to.

‘Negan, seriously don’t worry about me. Dwight survived it, didn’t he? He’s a member of your Inner Council. Is that what happened to his face? And the other councillors – some of them are really old like Ben and Amos. Anyway, it’s the only way I have to prove myself and make them respect and trust me. Let them see that I am truly one of them and if you change the rules for me, I’ll always be an outsider. They’ll always laugh at me behind my back.’

‘They won’t have mouths to scream with in agony if I hear ‘em.’ Negan growled protectively. ‘Look, I don’t think you understand...You…’ No way could he tell him what he was really thinking: You’re not gonna make it…  
Carl closed his eyes and hushed him with a long kiss just as if he read his mind. ‘Please don’t. Please don’t say it and it won’t be true.’   
‘Don’t worry, son. I promise that I will do everythin’ in my power to make sure you survive.’  
Carl looked up at him curiously. ‘Don’t.’ He told him firmly.  
‘What do you mean ‘don’t’?’  
‘Told you I don’t want no special treatment. I want to do it all by myself. And if I can’t …I don’t deserve to live.’ His voice cracked a little.   
‘Don’t say that. You’re still a kid – it ain’t fair. And what about your sister?’  
‘If I don’t make it, please take care of her for me. Tell her I loved her. Here – show her this photograph. (He handed one of the three of them – his family - Rick, Lori and himself that he always carried around with him from about 4 years ago in a past life). Lately, he’d always be grateful that it was his mother who had her arms around his shoulders and not his father and all three of them were smiling. He’d been tempted to cut out Rick using scissors or at least his eyes but for some reason couldn’t go through it. Maybe because they looked like the happy, normal family they were and it was nice memory of a summer picnic. ‘Remind Jude of me every day. And if you see my father – tell him I forgive him.’  
Negan took it although he badly wanted to hand it back because it seemed that it would jinx things somehow. 

‘I’ll do the first one – gladly. But you really want me to tell that bastard Rick that after all the sick things he did to you?’  
Carl nodded. ‘And I want you to stop hating him too. And to leave my old group and him be. No more tribute.’  
‘Not sure I can do those. Sorry.’  
‘Please?’ He looked up at him with huge, blue eyes. ‘If you love me and Jude, you’ll do this.

Negan sighed. I can’t resist those big, sad eyes. They dragl me down deep and I could easily drown in them until the end of the time.   
‘I will do everything you ask – even not punish Rick again. ‘Cept can’t allow them to have weapons. You must understand.’  
‘That’s fine.’ Carl smiled up at him serenely, not like the Death Row prisoner he was on his last night of breathing in God’s pure air. Without even a choice of a last favourite meal.

He made peace with death a long time before he even got here, Negan thought. He doesn’t blame me for it either and he’s still thinking about his old group and his little sister after he’s gone. The man felt like screaming but kept his composure for his young lover’s sake.  
‘I can’t bear to lose you.’  
‘You won’t.’ Carl smiled up at him, almost cockily.  
Negan kissed him tenderly back then and that night he was the gentlest he’d even been with him. Even more tender and considerate than their first time, treating Carl like glass that may shatter any moment if handled roughly or without enough care.  
Afterwards, he held him close to him like he didn’t want to let him go.  
Carl clutched his brawny arm circling him with fear, despite his bravado before. What if it all goes wrong and I die? Judith needs me but at least I know she’ll be safe and loved with Negan. He promised.

Negan kissed the top of his head reassuringly as if he sensed what he was thinking.  
The teen eventually managed to fall asleep which was more than Negan could. He lay there gazing upon his young lover’s face as if to burn it into his memory yet he made no move to wake him up because he couldn’t be that selfish. Negan intuitively knew that Carl needed as much sleep as he could get to have the best chance of survival at his trial the next day.   
…..

The day of the Initiation dawned. Negan was up and out of bed before 6am, having never slept but moving around carefully so as not disturb Carl.   
‘Let me check the cage.’ Negan demanded a couple of hours later after he’d had a solitary breakfast of coffee, grits and eggs just as the sun was rising. He was desperately looking for a weakness in the wooden structure – any weakness that would make it easier for Carl. The weak winter sunbeams gleamed off the green grass and the sky was pure blue, not a cloud in sight. It was chilly but the air was pure like Negan reckoned it must be all over the world if the zombies were everywhere since the factories and industry must have all stopped.   
Today’s a good day to die, Negan thought to himself ironically and sighed deeply. 

‘I’ll tie his hands.’  
‘I don’t recommend that, Lord. You know what they’ll say – they’ll say you loosened his bonds, giving him unfair advantage.’ Dwight advised cautiously.  
‘Do they still hate him that much?’ Negan drew a deep breath to counter the deep rage he sensed building up inside him. ‘Dammit! I’m their fuckin’ leader. Since when did they start to have more power than me? Is this the reward I get for bringing Christmas to them?’  
‘I’m sorry, my Lord. I like the boy too.’  
‘Fuck! Can’t I jus’ call it off like yesterday? Kid’s gonna fuckin’ get slaughtered!’  
Dwight bowed his head in sympathy. ‘You delay it again and the people will get suspicious. Besides, he may still surprise you yet, my Lord. Don’t forget what he did when he came here – taking a huge risk, killing 2 of our men and yet still survived. The boy has a natural fighting talent.’  
‘I damn fuckin’ well hope so but in the end, he’s still just a kid. Ain’t there nothin’ we can do to make it go easier on him?’  
‘Nothin’, my Lord. 

Negan cursed loudly and punched the air, wanting to take it out on somebody. Dwight remained rigid and didn’t even flinch.   
‘Is that the list there of executions after Carl’s …done?’  
His right-hand man nodded and handed it over.   
Negan scanned it quickly. ‘I said no women, goddamit!’  
‘But you made an exception for Rosalie.’ Oh, fuck I did.   
‘What she done now?’  
‘She was heard slandering you in public, my Lord.’  
‘Well, I didn’t hear her although I do believe she was. A hateful bitch, that one even if she has nice tits and ass. Wanted to fuck her at one time, can you believe that? Well, what’s she been sayin’ about me?’  
The burnt man coughed nervously. 

‘Uh…about you and Carl. You don’t need to hear it.’  
Negan cruelly slapped the burnt side of his face enough for Dwight’s head to nearly spin off. Same as before, the stoic man showed no reaction although it must have hurt…a lot. ‘Don’t tell me what I need or don’t need to hear! Yes – you have certain privileges as my second-in-command but you overstep the mark sometimes.’  
‘Forgive me, my lord.’ Dwight was kowtowing without expression.  
‘Get up, man. You’re pathetic.’ Negan yanked him up roughly by the arm. ‘Answer my fuckin’ question!’  
Meanwhile, some saviours passing smirked and laughed behind their hands but they didn’t dare linger. It was getting close to breakfast time in the canteen and now more people were around. However, the leader was oblivious to them in his rage which wasn’t all purely for Dwight.

‘What did that dyke bitch say about me and Carl?’  
Dwight glanced around and lowered his voice. ‘That you’re a child abuser which I know ain’t true. Bitch said that you raped and beat him as soon as he got here and you’re still doing it to him practically every night and why should they be led by a sadistic pervert?’

Negan’s face twisted. ‘That bitch…………I’ve never forced myself on anyone in my life, least of all on a vulnerable, abused and terrified teenage boy. But don’t let them know that.’

‘Abused…?’ Dwight looked confused. ‘You mean somebody already beat him – someone from his group maybe?’  
‘Beat and raped and yeah, I know who. In fact, it’s me who’s been saving him.’ Negan lowered his voice and checked no-one was around in close proximity. ‘It’s me who’s been protecting him, helping him get over it and he don’t want never to go back home to his lovin’ Daddy not even when I gave him the choice. ‘Cos did you know that it was Rick the Saint who’s been doin’ those sick things to him?’  
Now the shorter man’s features finally showed some expression. Shock. ‘Rick? Rick’s been rapin’ his own son? Like Spencer and Micky tried to? But why?’  
‘Yeah. Just like those scum buckets. You better believe it.’

‘But he seems like such a decent …Sorry.’ Negan’s look was thunderous. ‘Makes sense – the state he was in when he got here and you didn’t let the other men near him. Why you punished Rick like you told me you did.’ Negan hadn’t told him the full details about that but near enough. 

‘Wait – Rick ain’t hurt that little girl, has he?’  
‘No. Not yet but doesn’t mean he won’t.’  
‘I say let’s kill the prick.’ Dwight frowned and clenched his fists in a rare show of emotion.   
‘Yeah. I want to, believe me but now’s not the right time. Just keep it all to yaself, OK?’  
‘Yes, my Lord.’ 

‘Take her off tonight’s list. She don’t know yet, does she? None of them do before it happens. Don’t tell her.’  
‘Why? Do you think she’s one of the traitors?’ Dwight asked rather stupidly.   
‘Duh. Looks like I’ve done your detective work for you.’  
‘Sorry, my Lord.’  
‘Keep her under surveillance. See which other rats she leads us to and then we’ll have another massive Games when we put them all down. About time I remind everyone who their leader is.’  
‘Yes, my Lord.’ He bowed.  
‘Talking of that – you get any info on other possible traitors?’ Negan demanded aggressively, lashing out at him.   
‘Still workin’ on it, Lord. Some suspects but none confirmed but now we know about her.’  
Negan grunted. ‘Who?’  
Dwight inconspicuously showed him his other list. Negan sighed. No surprises there.   
‘Any evidence they’re plannin’ somethin’?’  
‘Not yet.’  
‘Well, find some.’ Negan snarled in his face. 

‘May I give you some advice?’ Dwight hadn’t recoiled although his slapped cheek must have been excruciating. ‘When – forgive me, I mean if - the boy …doesn’t make it, don’t show any emotion. Act like you don’t care.’  
Negan glared at him, knowing he was right but hating it just the same. ‘Make sure you lay out all the weapons we can give him.’ He replied coldly before he stalked off.   
…….  
Carl stumbled towards the cage with his hands tied behind his back to the roar of the mob. He was already trying to work them loose but Simon had shown no mercy and the ropes were tight. He barely noticed the 3 men – 1 a handsome man in his 20’s and the other’s middle-aged, also with their hands tied behind them looking scared shitless. He also missed the whiff of urine of the youngest man who had pissed himself in fear. All were trembling, the older man in his 50’s looked like he was praying desperately. 2 women – their wives or girlfriends, so he assumed were weeping and wailing and throwing themselves forwards to say goodbye to the prisoners, but were thrust heartlessly away by the guards with guns surrounding the condemned men. 

All around him he could hear the menacing growl of the crowd and he could barely believe what he was hearing or they had the audacity to say those things aloud, in public where maybe Negan would hear. All in all, it seemed like an open slap to their leader’s face. 

‘Came here to see Negan’s little fuckboy die. Hopefully, when he’s gone, he’ll stop acting like Santa Claus and be himself. Kid’s made him weak.’ Carl picked this out from the mob but couldn’t identify the male speaker, same with all the others.   
‘But I enjoyed that party. First Christmas we’ve had since it happened…’ A feminine voice announced.

‘Shut up! We don’t need a weak leader like him. We need to keep our reputation if we’re gonna keep demanding tribute from the groups around here.’  
‘I didn’t want to come here and see the kid die. Remember what he looked like when he got here? He’s been through hell.’  
‘Don’t forget he attacked us. Killed 2 of our soldiers…he’s only still alive because the little slut fluttered his eyelashes at Negan – convinced him not to kill him by sucking his dick.’  
‘But that’s all past…heard that Spencer and Micky raped him and that’s why they suddenly disappeared. Boy looked beat up that day…couldn’t even walk. My wife says she saw Negan carrying him to the Infirmary in his arms. ’  
‘Nah - it was Negan punishing the little shit like he should have done.’  
‘Then what happened to them?  
‘I don’t know and I don’t give a shit about a couple of perverts. Good riddance I say.’  
‘Yeah, Micky always gave my wife Stella the creeps.’  
Patrick and Rosalie were also forced to watch as everyone was. Rosalie was clutching the doc’s hand, her face white with fear. ‘I can’t watch this. How could…could he ….do this to him?’  
‘Sh….’ The medic looked around him in panic. ‘Keep your voice down…remember what he threatened to do? Don’t show your feelin’s. Anyway, it’s so he can become important – a member of Negan’s Inner Council.’  
‘Who gives a shit about his Council? The man’s a psycho!’  
Patrick gasped again and shook her. ‘I said careful what you say, Rosalie. You forget you’re already skating on thin ice.’  
‘Oh, you talking about that time in the Infirmary? When he threatened to ram his baseball bat down my throat? He would have forgotten about that.’  
‘He never forgets anythin’. Holds his grudges close to his heart.’  
….  
But worst – worst of all was Negan ignoring him. Just laughing and joking with Dwight and his other henchmen like his beloved wasn’t about to die. Carl resisted the urge to call over to him.  
Negan didn’t even look over as Carl was pushed into the cage, still trying to work his wrists free from their bonds.

‘Let the Games begin! First up, Carl’s Initiation Ceremony!’ Negan had meanwhile ascended a high wooden platform that appeared to have been to purpose and was bellowing through a loudspeaker to his people like a cheap circus master.  
‘Are you ready? Can Carl make it? Who wants to place some bets: he lives and becomes a Councillor or that he dies?   
The crowd roared in savage response and the boy could not make out one word they said. He was too furious and hurt. How dare Negan place bets on my life? He’s not even looking at me. Maybe he never gave a shit about me at all and was just using him. Don’t fuckin’ cry…don’t cry….Carl felt a single tear trickling down his cheek in his humiliation. He couldn’t afford to look weak.  
Fuck Negan. He straightened his back in resolve. Just got to get through this and survive. For Jude’s sake.  
…………………………………………  
*Author’s note

So that was another monster chapter – hope you enjoyed it. We still don’t know if Carl will live or die but what’s your best guess? And why is Negan acting like he doesn’t care? Poor Carl. But I promise that you will find out in the next chapter.   
Thanks for reading x Let me know if you liked this chapter or not if you feel like it.


	17. Let the Games Begin: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know why but these chapters always turn into mammoth ones which is good, I guess since I can’t update that regularly. This one is a little shorter as the ending seems a natural place to pause. Is Carl going to survive the ceremony? Don’t forget that his and Negan’s enemies are growing bolder and openly defying him. Naturally, they’re happy to remove Carl to hurt him. I’m not great at writing fights so hope this chapter is still tense and fast-paced. Let me know by leaving kudos or comments – even critical ones with advice on how to improve, it would make me very happy! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

……  
Negan was all bluster and entertaining showman. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. They’re already talkin’ shit about me and him but they’re gonna regret it when I cull the herd. Separate the wheat from the chaff.  
Act oblivious and draw the bees to the honey. It angered him and took all his will-power not to smash Lucille into their sniggering faces. Stupid schmucks don’t know what they’re in for. I am going to drown this little town in blood if I have to to get my meaning across about what happens to those who disrespect me and what’s mine. 

Negan’s heart nearly stopped in his chest as he watched Carl enter the cage from the periphery of his vision while appearing to focus on the crowd. A clamour from them rose to the sky and Negan fancied that it was mostly cheers.  
Yes, maybe a few of them still hate him but the majority seem to support them. They’ll accept him if he …he….survives. He felt his heart wrng painfully in his chest.  
…………..  
Carl had been working on unloosening the ropes as soon after they were applied to his hands and was so far unsuccessful. Knowing that they was the key to his survival, he fought the panic rising in him. Whore! You’re mine! This is the only thing you’re good for’ – his father hissed in his ear. Carl paused, on the edge of tears. Very dangerous as he couldn’t afford one second. You’re a liar, you’re the one that’s a waste of space and I belong to him now! He thought furiously at Rick as if he had the power of telepathy – like he sometimes fancied he did. When he entered the cage, he automatically noted the position of various weapons lying on its floor. A thick metal bar, a gun (he hoped it was loaded) and a couple of knives. Next, he scanned the bars of the cage for a sharp edge where he could create some friction and after a few panicky seconds, he found it and started rubbing the ropes against it. He could hear the growl of the first Walker about to be released to attack him. Come on. Negan may not give a shit about me no more but I ain’t gonna die for them!  
Negan, unknown to Carl, was watching with the crowd with a poker expression on his face. But mentally, he was urging him on. That’s it, baby – you’re almost free now. And Negan could never admit to anyone that his heart was lurching in his chest as he watched his ‘boyfriend’ – was that Carl had become to him now? – fight for his life.

The first Walker was almost upon him and he still hadn’t broken free! It was a decrepid woman, who apparently used to be blond but who could tell with the grime in the few strands she had left and she was dressed in a rotting dress, withered paps exposed. Carl wrinkled his nose – he hadn’t smelt Walker stench for a long while and it was a shock to the senses. Then the decaying old hag lunged at jaws snapping, trying to take his life!  
But by then, he’d finally worked his wrists free, from where he’d been working them on a sharp corner where a shard of metal stuck out. ‘He’s free!’ Someone yelled but it wasn’t Negan’s voice. He kicked her down and artfully stepped on her fragile skull to crush it and watchd it disintegrate into a pile of bone dust. The roar of the crowd was deafening at this point and he even heard his name being chanted, almost reverently – he couldn’t believe it that some of the Saviours actually wanted him to live! Carl spared a thought for Negan – did he care if he lived or died? Or had indeed just be a ‘boy toy’ he used for sex then discarded when he got bored of him? Then he grabbed all the weapons and ducked but by then they’d let the second walker in – a vaguely recognisable and reasonably preserved slender boy figure – probably he was the same age as Carl and he immediately attacked him, snarling. Probably a deliberate ploy to test him to his max but he wasn’t deterred although he cursed the weeks he’s been out of action. Negan kept me out of the field to keep me in his bed.  
How did he feel about that? He didn’t know. 

The Grimes boy easily side-stepped the boy Walker’s clumsy attack - jaws snapping for his throat. Meanwhile, he scanned for the floor – he’d memorised where the weapon he was looking for – the first dagger. He picked it up along with its twin and tucked the latter into its scabbard and into his belt while keeping the other in his hand. He knew how dangerous it could be if he got pinned – he could stab himself with it otherwise. He kicked the rotting youth away then flew at him to stab him in the skull which parted less easily than the woman’s but broke it did. Carl grinned, feeling his taut muscles getting into the rhythm. 2 down, 8 to go. But where was the next dead fuck? He didn’t lose another second to pick up the other weapons - the gun and the long, metal bar.

Meanwhile the crowd went crazy and he could hear more praise and admiration now. The saviours watched with awe, mouths wide open.  
‘That kid – he’s a real fighting machine. Just watch him!’  
‘I see now what Negan sees in him. He’ll be an asset.’  
‘I take back what I said about the skinny little punk. 

‘What you waitin’ for?’ Negan yelled. ‘Bring in the next one!’ Carl saw through the bars how he still pointedly didn’t look at him but did he detect a note of pride/relief in his lover’s voice?  
The next Walker shambled in, so degraded he couldn’t tell which gender it was. He dispatched it easily with 2 blows to the head and then he laughed. Fuckin’ easy!  
Carl was grinning and laughing as he put down the next Walker and then the next after that.  
‘It’s too easy!’ Simon, the Master of Ceremonies, so to speak, shouted. ‘Send the last 5 in together, no pause between them.’  
Negan growled and almost lunged at him but was pulled back luckily by Dwight. ‘No, my Lord.’  
‘He can’t do that! We’ve never done that before!’ He hissed.  
‘I know but Carl’ll be OK.’  
‘You don’t know that.’  
‘Call it off!’ Negan ordered Simon but Dwight tugged him by the arm to restrain him. ‘We can’t do that once the order is given. It’s against the rules.’  
‘Fuck the rules! He shouldn’t have changed ‘em!’  
‘I’m sorry, my Lord. We can’t go against tradition. Did I do somethin’ wrong?’ Simon asked as if in surprised mortification with eyes wide in a silent smirk, covertly mocking him. Negan put him on his mental list to be executed next month in one of the most painful ways he could think of when he made a show of his power and drew the disrespectful back into the line by making examples. Maybe I’ll bring the next Games forward to prune this diseased tree. 

‘If somethin’ happens to Carl (and even if it don’t , he added privately to himself), I will personally iron your ugly face (and make sure you suffer a long, horrible death).’ He threatened Simon who outwardly drew back and appeared scared but Negan didn’t miss the fleeting look of smug scorn in his eye before he bowed his head obediently.  
‘As you wish, Lord.’  
Negan thought, Fuck, he is one of them planning to overthrow me. Openly defying me…I’ll appear to let it pass and be oblivious so that when I make my move, they’ll be unprepared. And I’ll show ‘em no mercy when I do. The bastard thinks that by taking Carl away from me that I’ll become weak and then they can pounce. Carl will never be safe while I let these treacherous bastards live.  
He anxiously continued to watch the show below while trying his utmost to seem absolutely disinterested.  
….  
Carl’s heart sank when he heard the Master of Ceremonies’ announcement but he gritted his teeth, organised his weapons and psyched himself up.  
They want me to die.  
What would Daryl or Merle do? Daryl could put 10 of them down easily. They used to do it once a day at least, I bet when they…they….  
Then the familiar pain and guilt struck him again but he wiped away the tear from his eye. He wasn’t crying for himself but for both Dixons who had shown him understanding and kindness, even Merle in his rough way. They’d tried to help him deal with Rick but….  
I deserve to die for what I did to them. They only tried to save me from Dad and I betrayed them as thanks. 

He put aside all his worries and focused on what was coming. At a nod from Simon, the Saviour opened up the second of the double doors to the cage with a stick and dragged the last few Walkers together using rope lassos and then released them. The first two of this new set and then the last three of them piled in, literally falling over themselves, clawing the flesh off each other to get at him, snarling, hissing and growling.  
‘Go, son!’ A male voice urged him on but it wasn’t Negan. Carl’s heart sank. Then again, what did I expect?  
‘Go, Carl! Go, Carl! Go Carl!’ The chant went round like a mantra, growing louder and louder, threatening to drown out his thoughts. ‘You can do it!’ and ‘Don’t die on us!’ A woman shouted. Was that Rosaline? It sure sounded like her. 

Carl grunted and started to fight back. First, he ducked and felled the first two by cutting their Achilles’ tendons so they fell down and blocked the path of the last three, giving him a slight reprieve and he was awarded with a clamour of approval from the audience. But the first two were still a threat – their mouths snapping, still blindly searching for his flesh and everyone knew that you only needed one bite for it to be fatally infected unless you could perform an immediate amputation.  
That’s a good solution while I’m in the middle of fighting them, Carl thought sarcastically to himself. Just hack off any limb that gets bitten but what do I do if I it’s my head? He snickered ironically. 

He pre-empted the last three’s attack by going on the offensive. Stuck a dagger in one’s skull and kicked it out of the open door (one blessing they’d apparently forgot to lock the doors once they’d been open wider to let in a bigger horde) and followed it to outside, breathing the chilly night air in gratitude. The spectators, meanwhile, responded again with sighs of awe and loud clapping. He was a free spirit revelling in his element.  
‘Go for it, son!’  
‘Nearly there!’

Negan was inwardly sighing with relief but reminded himself that Carl wasn’t out of the woods yet, so to speak. Anything could still go wrong. One misguided blow, one trip or slip….At least the kid is putting on a good show and winning them over. He glanced at Simon who he noticed to his glee, was holding his glass of liqueur so hard that his knuckles were white. Then he noticed that he was doing the same with his whiskey.  
Simon is definitely not cool with Carl’s success.

Negan now openly watched Carl easily dispatch the last two Walkers, smashing one’s skull with the steel bar now that he had more space and freedom to move and then quickly turning on one foot like a ballerina to shoot the other straight through the brain. When Carl finished, he stood there triumphantly, his white shirt covered in Walker blood. He rose his gun up to the sky and shot a celebratory shot and screamed out a cry of triumph, echoed by most of the Saviours. Then he rose his hands and hailed them. 

Negan glanced around to see who wasn’t on board with this result, like Simon and resigned their names to memory on his special list. Holding back and waiting, deliberating, wasn’t in his nature and he struggled not to seize all the traitors then and execute them.  
Quietly, quietly, moves the cat to catch the mice.  
‘Go down and get him.’ He ordered Dwight.  
….


	18. Victory Shallow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, Carl’s victory has caused all his old insecurities to raise their ugly heads about the Sanctuary’s leader. To summarize, his victory seems to him an anti-climax now that he is a member of Negan’s Inner Council. Oh - and he gives Negan blue balls, ha ha. This is a monster of a chapter (over 3000 words) which I hope make up for the delay in posting and anyway, not sure where to break it off. I got sick for weeks and literally couldn’t get out of bed so I hope you can forgive me. Same goes as before – please give kudos and drop a comment -positive or negative or mixed if you feel like it – it would make me very happy… Enjoy!

……  
‘Go down and get him.’ Negans ordered Dwight after the boy had finished dispatching all the wretched Walkers.

‘All hail the victor!’ As soon as Carl got there, Negan stood up and grabbed his hand, holding their arms high in a symbol of triumph. All around them, the Saviours kowtowed on their knees to touch the ground with their foreheads.   
‘You did it, Carl.’ After a short while of applause, Negan sat them down and put an arm around him. ‘Congratulations, son. You’re a member of my Inner Council.’  
‘Thank-you.’ Carl blushed and looked up at him with gleaming eyes but a cloud came over them.  
His lover made a note to follow up on that later when they were alone.  
‘Now for the Ceremony.’ 

Carl nearly laughed out loud when Dwight suddenly appeared with a golden paper crown on a red cushion. The kind of crown you used to get back when Christmas existed when they had that luxury.  
‘Negan?’ He looked confused. Is he mocking me? Why? Just like he wouldn’t look at me when I was fighting for my life.  
Because he doesn’t give a flying fuck about me. Jus’ using me.   
‘Oh, cheer up,’ The man chuckled and chucked him under the chin. ‘Disappointed? That ain’t all you get, son.’ He slowly stroked his hand down his arm, causing Carl to shiver and tremble slightly but with a very different feeling than when he was with his father. ‘Not now and not later, either.’  
Carl stared at him and drooled a little. He couldn’t help it, knowing what Negan could do to him that would have him screaming and squirming for hours in on the edge of ecstasy if he so chose. 

‘Are you cold, honey? Where’s that leather jacket I bought you to wear on your motorbike?’ Negan brushed his hair back in concern.  
‘Sorry, I forgot it.’  
‘Well, from now on, I want you to wear it. Every day.’ Negan laid a hot hand on his thigh and whispered sexily into his ear: ‘ ‘Cos you look sexy as hell in it.’  
Carl blushed at the heat radiating up his body from the place Negan had put his hand. The man smirked knowingly and without warning suddenly squeezed his thigh out of sight under the table, making him gasp. But when Dwight reached down to get something, the big man tore his hand away from him.

‘Now let’s begin…Do you take sanctuary here in Sanctuary and are you willing to give up your life for all those who live here if need be?’ Negan roared at him after picking up a loudspeaker and pulling him up to stand with him.  
‘Yes.’ Carl answered loudly and confidently when Negan shoved the loudspeaker into his hands. He could feel all their eyes on them but decided to block them out. Then the leader took the speaker from him, only to hand it back when it was his turn to speak. And so on.  
‘Do you forsake all others other than the Saviours to become one of us?’ Fuck it sounds like some weird marriage ceremony, Carl thought. Then he guessed in a way it was – him to Negan.  
Now that’s fucked-up.   
‘Yes.’   
‘Do you forsake your group and with it your own father, Rick Grimes, who is leader there and promise to follow me and give all your loyalty to me?’ Negan was practically sticking his chest out in dominance and pride.   
Carl heard the tense silence. They’re expecting me to protest, say ‘No’ to Negan but I won’t. They don’t know the things Rick does to me when we’re alone in the dark.   
‘Yes.’ They both heard the audible gasps that seemed to round on them from everywhere.  
‘Last but not least the hardest question, son.’ Negan whispered to him.  
‘Go for it. I’m ready.’ Carl whispered back and felt his lover squeeze his hand in encouragement.  
‘Would you kill your father, Rick, to protect me, my son?’  
They could hear the crowd hold their bated breath.   
Carl glared at him as he felt his heart stop in his chest. ‘You fuckin’ bastard.’ He hissed at Negan and tore his hand out of his warm grip. ‘That ain’t part of the script!’ He raged quietly.  
Negan shook his shoulders in mock helplessness, infuriatingly unapologetic. ‘Well, it is now. ‘Cos I jus’ added it, son. And I (need I to remind you?) am God on earth here so can do whatever the hell I like here, to whomever or whatever I like! Including you!’  
‘No, you can’t! You can’t ask me that!’ They could feel the confused, expectant waiting of their audience, most of whom couldn’t hear their private spat.  
‘Just say ‘yes’ if you want them to truly trust you. To be a Saviour and become one of us.’  
‘Asshole.’ Carl glared at him before he reluctantly took the loudspeaker. ‘Yes, I would.’ He announced with a calmer, more level voice than he felt with a big, fake smile.   
‘Well, done, baby. That’s it.’ Negan drew him into a hug, nearly pulling him into his lap but he stopped when Carl’s face grew red and he resisted. ‘Not here in front of them!’ He cried, looking around frantically.  
‘Oh…my bad.’ Negan chuckled a little dirtily before he finally released him let him. ‘Can’t help it if you turn me on all the time and I just can’t get enough of you, baby boy.’   
Then, the leader grabbed the loudspeaker again before he stood up and gave his people a rousing speech about being the ‘dominant force’ in the area, maybe the whole world one day followed by cheers from the gathered crowd. Beer and booze was free-flowing and the Saviours felt secure and happy this evening what with 3 executions to follow. The mood was party-like.  
‘See this boy!’ He yelled into the speaker and took one of the teen’s arms to gently draw him to him. ‘If you need more signs of our power here, look to him! He has given up loyalty to his own father, leader of his former group, to become one of us. Oh rise all and hail him as Councilman of the Inner Council! Member of that great circle of my most trusted advisors!’  
They did, most of them roaring with genuine approval. Negan then motioned Dwight closer with the paper crown.  
‘Behold the mark of a Councilman!’ He roared to deafening applause. ‘Dwight, do the honours.’  
The scarred man promptly picked up the crown from its cushion, smiling a little as he did so and laid it on Carl’s head. The youth scowled, feeling stupid and wondering not for the first time if it was all a joke on him but then he didn’t think so. 

Yes, the language of the ceremony was archaic and ritualistic like someone had made it up for their own fairy tale inside their head but the Saviours’ reaction and response was genuine enough, as if they’d seen the Initiation Ceremony many times. Then Carl was interrupted from his thoughts by Negan.   
…  
At a nod from his master, the burnt man grinned and suddenly presented him with a mini-baseball, obviously for kids, covered in barbed wire just like his boyfriend’s. A mini-Lucille.  
‘Ain’t none of us got one of these. You must be really special.’ Dwight gushed quietly in awe then looked back in fear at Negan, fearing he’d said too much. But his leader nodded, beaming.  
‘Everybody kneel to your new Councillor.’ Their leader roared into the speaker.  
They obeyed without hesitation.

‘Now, do your duty, son. First name it.’  
What? There’s more? Carl looked up at him questioningly, uncomfortably feeling all eyes on him again, harder to ignore this time.   
‘That.’ Negan pointed at his new weapon. ‘What do you want to call it?’  
The boy knew that his lover had named his bat after his dead wife. Who should I name mine after? And is he going to expect me to kill someone with it?   
‘Lori.’ He said into the speaker.   
Negan nodded sadly, not surprised and took away the speaker from him but didn’t use it himself. ‘Your dead mother.’  
‘Yeah.’  
The man bowed his head for a second and touched his arm. ‘A good name. I’m sorry for your loss. May she live forever on in Lori and the deeds you may do with your right arm.’  
Carl nodded in response, feeling a little sad. ‘Thanks.’ He added quietly.   
All this is a bit weird. Does he think his bat holds the soul of his dead wife or something? A bit like a horcrux from Harry Potter? Whatever.  
Thinking about Harry Potter made him feel sad because he’d missed the last movie and never read all the books like he had planned to do. They were from a time when they all still believed they had all the time in the world.  
‘Now for your second duty. Kill one of the traitors to prove your loyalty. Do it with Lori.’ Negan was back to shouting into his loudspeaker again.   
Carl looked at him with an unreadable expression. ‘What did they do?’  
The young guy – Daniel – he slept with one of my wives. She’s been divorced and turned out since.’  
‘Uh huh.’ Carl hid his shock that the wretched man was going to lose his life over adultery. ‘Why not just iron his face? Or banish him?’  
‘It was his second offence.’ Negan’s voice was cold and Carl knew better than ask for more details.  
‘The other with the grey hair in the brown shirt?’ He pointed at closest fettered and shivering middle-aged man.  
‘He failed to kneel to me once and then I, myself, heard him slandering me in open public.’  
Carl raised an eyebrow at that but wasn’t stupid enough to question the stern leader’s decision.  
‘Have to run a tight ship, baby, but you’ll soon know all about that. Fuck knows I already let too much slide already.’ I let that pretty doctor’s whore live but only to draw the traitors out. If I ordered him to kill her, would he?  
‘And the third guy?’ Carl pointed out to the heavy-set Hispanic looking man.  
‘Carlos?’ Negan’s lip turned up in a sneer of repulsion. ‘Attempted rape.’  
Carl rose an eyebrow. ‘Of who?’  
‘I don’t want to remind you of…You ain’t gonna like this, sweetie…’  
‘Tell me anyway!’  
‘Of a 12 year-old boy. One of our kids. Luckily, didn’t get far before he was interrupted. Didn’t get to fuck him at least anyway.’  
Like me and Spencer with his best friend, Carl winced. ‘Who?’  
‘Tommy.’  
‘He tried to rape little Tommy?’ Sweet little Tommy who always came running up to the away crew after a raid or tribute-gather to ask them if they had any candy in their pockets? And usually one of the men would fumble in his pocket and hand him some, laughing. The child brought smiles and laughter wherever he went like he carried his own personal jar of happiness to dole it out to others. Carl had seen him in the Infirmary a couple of days before but had never thought to ask Patrick what was wrong with the boy but now he recalled the familiar shell-shocked gaze that he himself must have had when he first arrived. He’d been to be busy rushing around on his errands and doing his chores.  
Same as me. I hope he can get over this and that his light hasn’t been put out forever by that fat creep.  
Now Carl noticed the deep blue-black bruises necklacing the hefty dark-haired man’s throat and his battered face. He was probably standing behind one of the others…that’s how I missed him. Not that he could be missed easily.   
‘Is the…Tommy going to be OK?’ Carl couldn’t help thinking how he felt after his dad did it to him or how terrified he’d been with Spencer and Ratman – not least because he thought they were going to kill him and Judith after they were finished with him.   
‘Yeah…just about. Scared but no lasting damage – nothin’ physical anyway.’   
Carl shivered and the big man automatically tightened his hold on him. He knew from bitter experience that the deepest and most irreversible damage wasn’t always physical.  
‘Why did you let him in the Sanctuary in the first place?’  
‘Didn’t know what he was. Besides, everyone gets a second chance…even perverts. But commit a crime – especially a sex crime - and you lose your life. No guesses which one you’re gonna choose.’  
‘The pervert.’  
Negan nodded, relieved that the choice for Carl was easy when he’d feared that the boy would refuse to carry out his duty for moralistic reasons. Lucky that frigid whore wasn’t there – could have ruined everything.   
Carl went down there without hesitation.   
‘Lucky you, Carlos. You’re going to be spared the cage. Or maybe not so lucky ‘cos it’s Carl who’s gonna put you down with Lori and he’s one tough son-of-a bitch.’ Negan announced to everyone. ‘Carlos tried to rape little Tommy. That poor sweet little boy…’  
Gasps and curses all around. Carl heard ‘Fuck him up!’, ‘Make ‘im suffer!’ and ‘No perverts here!’ among others. 

And Carl intended to do just that as he grabbed the hapless and terrified man by his tied hands and shoved him into the middle in front of the cage. Carlos shook his head and moaned, ‘No…no. Please, I didn’t do it…you gotta believe me.’ He nearly tipped over the trunk of a headless Walker corpse.

Carl sneered at him without even deigning to give him the honour of a reply.   
‘He set me up! I ain’t no child-molester! I could never do that!’  
And did it seem like it was Rick lying there at times – his slimmer image flickering in and out and superimposed on the dying man? But how could that be?  
Carl ignored him, all the memories of his dad and Spencer with Ratman tumbling into his mind and swung his new weapon for the first time. Straight into Carlos’ belly then he ripped it out along with half of his intestines that the barbed wire spikes caught. The man screamed but the boy grinned calmly down at him. Maybe that was too easy. I wanted to make him suffer after all and now he looks like he’s gonna just go quickly.  
Too quickly for scum like him, Carl thought to himself as he swung Lori a second time, now aiming at the man’s genitals. He ripped them to shreds…in fact one of the man’s balls was caught in her spikes dripping with blood and pieces of flesh and he shook it off to the ground in disgust. All around him, he could hear the crowd yell in approval, egging him on. He knew they wanted blood, a show and entertainment just like Negan always gave them.   
Carlos was lying on the ground now, or what was left of him. A piece of meat covered in blood and gore.   
‘Pl…Please….kill me.’ The man panted in pain-filled tiny breaths.

Carl sniggered, looking more like his master every day and thumped Lucille down on his chest and tore her out when he could have just bashed the man’s head in. Carlos tried to scream in agony before Carl finally gave him his wish by flattening his skull and face into a blood-spattered pulp. 

Cheers and applause all around, reverberating around the make-shift arena.  
Fuck, this place must have good acoustics….how the hell did Negan do that? Carl thought as he regarded the mess of human blood, flesh and brains detachedly.   
Negan was the first to stand up and applaud, exhorting his people to do so.  
‘Come back up here, son.’   
Carl went and Negan drew him into his lap and put both arms around him as soon as he got there and nuzzled his cheek but he didn’t try to stop him. Or get embarrassed.   
Most of the Saviours looked away and didn’t react.  
‘First lesson of leadership, baby. Here is all my castle, Carl. And when you’re King, you can do whatever the fuck you like.’ The man followed this up by a deliberate peck on his lips and Carl opened his mouth automatically. Negan made a pleased sound in his throat as he slipped his tongue in and they kissed openly in public.

No-one so much as battered an eye-lid.  
Guess I really am one of his ‘wives’ now, Carl thought and was surprised that this realization neither shocked or frightened him.   
‘You’re mine, always gonna be mine.’ Negan whispered as he twirled a gentle hand in his hair. I took you away from Rick who didn’t deserve to have a son like you.   
‘I’ll never hurt you like he did, you know that, right?’  
Carl looked back at him with something akin to adoration. ‘I know that but why did you ignore…?’  
Negan interrupted him by shaking him none so gently and ruining the sweet moment. ‘Don’t talk about that out here. Makes you look weak, son.’

They were talking as the final two executions were carried out – with neither of the condemned men seeming to have a chance against the horde of the dead that was set upon them in the narrow confines of the cage. Unlike Carl, they didn’t even manage to free themselves in time even though they must have seen how he did it. Or maybe nobody could see clearly with the wooden bars in the way. Perhaps they didn’t want to fight back – both had a resigned air of death about them and went quietly. Even when the Walkers started feeding on their guts first (they generally always went for them – seemed like intestines were their favorite) they went relatively quietly with only a few screams of agony and half-hearted struggling. Both with their hands still tied behind their backs.  
‘Makes what you did so much more impressive.’ Negan pecked his lips with his arm around him as they watched the scene below them. ‘They’re too grown men and couldn’t do what you did and you had it tougher.’  
….

Back in their room, Carl turned on Negan when the latter tried to draw him to him and kiss him. After the high of his own survival and victory, the younger man was spiralling down in a steep anti-climax and his anger and hurt at Negan’s unconcern when he was fighting to survive returned with a vengeance.  
‘No! Why did you ignore me in there? Thought you didn’t care about me. Couldn’t care less if I died…’ His eyes teared up because if Negan didn’t give a shit about him, then he had no-one. Except for Judith. 

So that was what that shadow in his eyes was. ‘Carl…, sweetheart – I couldn’t seem like I cared too much about you.’  
‘You let them make bets on me!’  
‘Remember what I said? About giving you your second reward in the bedroom?’

Carl shivered and felt something come to life below his belly-button. When Negan promised him a reward in bed, he always kept to his word.   
‘I can make you scream with pleasure for hours…You know I’ve done it before. Jus’ think about it. My mouth, my hands all over you…my fingers…tormenting you and when you let me inside…I’ll make you come again and again and again and again…’  
The boy started to drool with need, while he felt the excitement in the pit of his belly grow and grow. He knew Negan could do those things …and he would…  
Most important of all, he’ll stop if I tell him to. He’s stronger than me but I’m the one with the control.  
The power.   
That thought – so alien to his first sexual experiences – was almost enough to make him relent and give in. 

As if reading his thoughts, Negan wrapped an arm around him and covered his legs with one of his own. Then he trailed his way down his throat with kisses and tiny nibbles on his sensitive spots. Carl gasped and writhed – he couldn’t help it even though the man wasn’t touching him – really touching him anywhere just yet. And with what felt like a huge effort, he shoved him off.  
‘No! I said ‘No’. Ain’t gonna let myself be seduced by him anymore. Ain’t like with Dad…I have a choice now.

That thought made him almost cry as he felt his desire ebb away.  
‘You can’t buy me off that easily! You never gave a shit about me – just were usin’ me the whole time!’  
‘That ain’t true! I love you! I meant everything I said out there! My feelings for you are the closest to them I’ve ever had since…since my wife…’ Negan choked this out and Carl could tell how excruciatingly difficult it was for him to admit his feelings, his weakness…  
For me. So am I his husband now? Or just his boyfriend? The teen thought to himself in confusion.  
Yet Carl snorted with strangely adult cynical disbelief. ‘Yeah, right!’  
‘Baby, don’t be angry with me…Please…I love you! Ain’t fuckin’ with you – I mean it.’ His older lover crooned at him, trying to steal another kiss from his lips but Carl pushed him away and turned on his side away from him. ‘No!’  
‘I did what I had to.’ Negan withdrew reluctantly, giving the youth the space he demanded and so badly needed.  
‘Do you want to sleep on your sofa?’  
Carl turned to face him. ‘No.’   
‘Do you mind if I take these off then?’ Negan pointed to his jeans.  
Carl shrugged nonchantly.  
Negan took off his clothes but left on his boxers. The boy caught a glimpse of his considerable erection but decided to ignore it.  
He won’t hurt me. I said ‘No’ and that’s it.  
The man almost bashfully got into bed beside him, carefully   
making sure their bodies didn’t touch. Yet neither of them could sleep for their own reasons. Carl badly wanted to feel his arms around him despite everything he’d said but he was too proud to ask…not like the first time. I’m not scared that he’s practically naked except for his underwear, he thought to himself in wonder.

It was Negan who first broke the ice. ‘May I hold you at least?’ He asked with a forced politeness that sat ill on him.   
Carl nodded, hiding his relief because with Negan holding him while he slept, his nightmares about Rick were less likely to return.  
‘There, there.’ The leader stroked his hair and soothed his back. ‘It’s OK. I don’t expect nothin’. Go to sleep.’ Negan punctuated this with a quick kiss to his forehead.  
Like a father, Carl thought to himself. He won’t hurt me.   
But one or two seconds later, he was speaking again. ‘I feel so much like celebrating that how about we pay your Daddy a visit tomorrow, son? Do you want to come with me?’ He asked the teen curled up around him.   
A chill went straight through the teen but he nodded. ‘Yes. OK.’ Why not? Creep can’t do a thing to me while I’m with him. I’ll be safe. Anyway, …wanna know exactly what my ‘boyfriend’ ? did to him for hurtin’ me.  
Boyfriend? Is that how I think of Negan now? But he’s so much older than me. And even though back in the old world, it would be weird calling him that, now it sounds so right.   
I’ll show Rick who I am now and how I’m not afraid of him anyway. Besides, wanna see Michelle and Carol and the others, even if technically, I belong to Negan and the Saviours now. Maybe I can help them – persuade Negan to take it easy on them.   
Negotiate a special deal for my old group only with better terms.

….  
Carl woke up on his side, with Negan’s erection pressing into his backside but the man was asleep. Still, he got up in a panic. What did he do to me when I was asleep? He let out a small whimper. I don’t think he hurt me when I was sleeping but…  
Then reality failed him. 

 

 

 

‘


	19. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19: Ghosts  
> Well, Carl is going to see Rick or is he? Maybe he’ll confront him. Will he be strong enough with Negan’s support to tell the others in his old group what he did to him? Some like Carol will not be pleased, especially as Carl allowed Merle to take the blame and Daryl insisted on exile with him.   
> Meanwhile, Negan wants to spice things up between them but maybe not in a good way. He better be careful that he doesn’t damage Carl more with his kinky fantasies. There’s some more angst/comfort fluff between the lovers, after all, Carl isn’t going to get over his dad just like that.   
> Please leave kudos and comment if you feel like it. Feedback, whether positive or negative helps the writer.   
> Hope you enjoy!

Well, Carl is going to see Rick or is he? Maybe he’ll confront him. Will he be strong enough with Negan’s support to tell the others in his old group what he did to him? Some like Carol will not be pleased, especially as Carl allowed Merle to take the blame and Daryl insisted on exile with him.   
Meanwhile, Negan wants to spice things up between them but maybe not in a good way. He better be careful that he doesn’t damage Carl more with his kinky fantasies. There’s some more angst/comfort fluff between the lovers, after all, Carl isn’t going to get over his dad just like that.   
Please leave kudos and comment if you feel like it. Feedback, whether positive or negative helps the writer.   
Hope you enjoy!   
….  
Carl was cowering up against the wall in a ball of fear and hyperventilating in panic. Negan went over and touched his arm gently but he pulled away.  
‘What’s wrong, son? What you doing out of bed? You’ll catch your death, sweetheart.’ He asked with genuine concern.   
Carl shook his head because he literally couldn’t speak.   
‘I didn’t touch you, promise. Come here, baby.’ He went towards him to pick him up but he shrank away. His eyes clearly open.  
‘No, don’t touch me, Dad!’  
Negan backed off and sighed. He ain’t had a flashback for ages. Why’s he having one now when he survived? He should be happy, celebrating.   
Then his face fell and he mentally clapped his forehead. Of course, I asked him to come with me when I went to see his old man. Just the thought of seeing that sick bastard is enough to….  
‘Sh…’ He reached out for his shoulder. ‘It’s okay. I’m not your daddy and I’m not going to hurt…’  
‘Get off me!’ The boy shook him. I won’t let you do it to me again! I’ll kill you next time you try to touch me, sick fuck!’   
But then he was sobbing.  
A couple of seconds later, he was looking around in confusion at finding himself on the floor. ‘Negan? What…what am I doing here?’  
‘You were jus’ havin’ a bad dream about your dad. Thought I was him. Sh…’  
‘Negan.’ Now the teen was extending his arms out to him like a little kid who wanted to hug his father around his neck and Negan had a flash memory of his own kids doing the same when they were small.  
‘It’s alright, baby.’ He used the exact same words he used to use on them, the ones that calmed them down, particularly his youngest, who was the most highly-strung.  
His sweet little boy. Tommy. Hearing that name in his head so long unused sent a sharp pain splintering through his chest.   
‘It’s OK. Daddy’s here. I won’t let anything hurt you, son.’ The father picked him up from under his arms like he was a small child and Carl sobbed in grateful relief before he wound his arms and legs around him like he was still one and buried his head in his neck. The boy cried into him and Negan could feel the warm drops spilling. It would have been very sexy if under very different circumstances so the big man sat them down on the edge of the bed and just rocked them.  
‘What’s wrong?’   
‘Had a bad dream.’ Carl answered against his chest when he was able to speak again.  
‘About Rick?’   
Carl clutched his shirt and nodded, eyes wide in fear and Negan realised the he was less awake than he had appeared. Even the mere name of that monster who wasn’t even present was enough to leave him in helpless, frightened tears.  
‘Poor baby boy.’ He replied softly, gently.   
‘Don’t call me that!’ He mumbled in muffled indignation, and ducked his head against the man’s chest, embarrassed.   
He didn’t want Negan’s pity.  
‘Did Daddy hurt you? That why you had a bad dream?’  
‘You know he fuckin’ did! Jus’…jus’ wish I could get over it and stop dreamin’ about him!’  
‘Course I know. At least I know some of it. But bet you ain’t even told me the worst.’  
Carl shook his head and sobbed. ‘Can’t.’ He gulped. ‘You’ll kill him.’  
‘Tell me.’ Negan coaxed.   
‘N…No….’  
‘What’s this really ‘bout? Look, if you don’t want to see him tomorrow, I ain’t gonna make you. You know I won’t force you to do anythin’ you don’t want.’  
‘I said I’ll go and I will. I’ll look him in the face, too.’ He seemed more awake now and resembled his usual, tough self.   
‘But you still scared of your Daddy?’  
‘What ya mean?’ The boy shifted furiously in his lap and Negan became aware of his growing erection, even under the sad circumstances. Down, boy, down!  
‘You still are or why ya tremblin’, son?’  
‘Ain’t!’   
‘Yeah, ya are. You ain’t scared of me anymore so must be him.’  
Carl looked up and smiled like sun parting the clouds on a murky day. ‘I was never scared of you.’  
But his eyes shifted evasively to the side and Negan knew that wasn’t quite true, especially in the beginning with all the vague sexual threats he’d made against the boy after he arrived and the rough pushing around.   
Negan now regretted all of that.   
I was angry, I wanted to scare him, punish him a little for what he did but only with words…would never have…but he wasn’t to know that. I would never have said that shit to him – scared him like that if I’d known about Rick…But he’s one tough little son-of-a-bitch.’  
And he had been - well most of the time which proved Carl’s strength of character.  
Soothed unbelievably, the boy in his lap was falling asleep again and Negan let a little smile escape his lips. Kid trusts me…would never do that otherwise.   
But then he shook himself awake again – after what seemed hours but looking in his eyes, the man saw that he was half-sleeping, like before. Seemingly trapped in his bad past.   
It didn’t matter - Negan knew what he needed. He knew from his teacher child psychology training that abused and traumatised kids often reverted back to younger than they were at times and it seemed true in this case. And they didn’t get over things just like that even if they appeared to have good days. Negan knew that Carl didn’t need a sugar daddy right now, he needed daddy better than his own one on this bad ‘night’. He needed reassurance and affection that was pure and not demanding anything back in return.  
‘Sh…Come here. I’m your real Daddy now, yours and Jude’s both and I ain’t gonna let nasty old Rick hurt either one of you.’  
‘Daddy?...’ His tone was hopeful like he didn’t dare to quite believe it. He looked up at him with all a small child’s innocence.   
‘Or let him take you away from me. Both of you are mine now.’ Negan finished.   
That last phrase would usually send an icy shiver down Carl’s spine but nowadays he barely reacted to it. And in his semi-awake state, he merely smiled and cuddled into the man some more.   
Negan had said it so often, not only to him but to others mainly to constantly reassert his ownership over them. What was even more strange though to Negan was that instead of talking back at him and telling him to fuck off with this patronising babying shit like he should have done, normally did - Carl only nodded and looked relieved.   
‘Nasty old Rick is a Prick.’ Negan uttered in a playful chant direct from the playground and planted a fatherly kiss on his temple.   
‘And a Dick.’ The teen even giggled. ‘Promise you won’t let him hurt us?’  
Negan cradled him and rocked them in a soothing rhythm. He could tell that Carl could hear his heartbeat as he petted his hair and he knew that did for most kids who were scared and in need of comforting.  
‘Pinky promise?’ Negan offered his little finger with a raised eyebrow.  
Carl looked at with the withering contempt that only teenage boys could do and the Saviour leader saw that he had fully come back to himself.   
‘Fuck off.’ He said. ‘Pinky promises’s for kids.’ Carl sneered.  
‘Sorry. Should have realized you were too old for that.’ Negan teased with a twinkle in his eye and chuckled as he saw the other’s eyes reignite with their old fire. That was when he wasn’t in the throes of his demons created by his father.  
What aren’t too young for?   
‘Now do you want to tell me about what the worst thing he did to you?’ Negan pressed firmly but gently as he gave him a gentle squeeze after he felt him shudder against him. I could get ideas…  
‘Why? What good would it do?’ Carl narrowed his eyes. ‘Why do you want to know?’  
Oh, I have my reasons, pretty boy.   
‘Have you heard of Re-enactment Therapy?’  
‘What?’ Now the youth had gone from terrified little boy to sassy teen. ‘What the fuck is that?’  
Somethin’ that will get us both what we want. The thought of having Carl tied up, panting with flushed face while he spanked him, punished him was turning on Negan as he fought to control himself. Fuck – I’ll need to get out of here and away from him if he keeps turning me on like this. Maybe go and see if one of the girls will give me a blowjob if not a hard fuck.   
Breathing hard, he explained with a deliberate air of reluctance and embarrassment: ‘I think it might help you get over Rick- so you don’t have these flashbacks of him or bad dreams about what he did to you anymore.’  
‘Uh oh.’ He seemed sceptical. ‘I’m tired. Can we talk about it tomorrow?’  
‘Sure thing, son.’ Negan smiled at him benignly. ‘No rush – jus’ think about it. I can explain more about it then… if you still want?’   
He didn’t answer directly. ‘Hold me.’ Again, he reached for him with both arms, pouting as he did so, eyes closed.   
The man eagerly obliged but was shoved away again in mere seconds.   
‘And put your fuckin’ pants on again. Can’t sleep with ya big dick pressin’ against me.’ The boy ordered him.  
Fuck, Negan thought as he released him and fumbled around to find them. I’m the older one, more than old enough to be his father and I should be the one with the power – since when did he tell get to tell me what to do?...Fuck I really want to see him restrained and punished him for his insolence. He smirked down indulgently at him even as the ideas about how he subdue him were already forming in the worldly man’s head.  
Carl was already starting to breathe deeper and slower when the leader slid his arms gently under him. ‘Hey, son.’ He whispered and pulled him closer to him.   
‘What?’ He mumbled sleepily with an ounce of irritation.  
‘Still want to go with me to see Rick and the gang tomorrow when we collect tribute from your old group?’  
‘OK.’ He agreed, voice full of sleep.   
‘You ain’t scared? You don’t have to if you ain’t ready.’  
That got him as he stiffened at the indirect reference to his father.   
‘Scared of Rick the Prick? Nah…’  
Negan chuckled, thinking what a transformation from a few minutes ago when the kid had been cowering against the wall, a ball of jangled nerves and giving off waves of sheer terror.   
He couldn’t wait to see him look all vulnerable again. It turned him on like nothing else could.  
…..  
The next day, Negan woke up and stretched. His movement caused Carl to wake up.   
‘Good mornin’, sleepyhead.’ Negan couldn’t resist tousling his hair.   
Carl scowled and pushed his hand away, making Negan grin indulgently down at him. ‘What’s the time?’  
‘Time for you to get up, honey.’ His boyfriend chuckled and went into the shower. But before he closed the bathroom door, he poked his head around. ‘Still want to go and see Rick and your friends?’  
‘Yeah…if you promise not to hurt or kill any of them.’  
Negan frowned. ‘Now, now – you know I can’t promise that. But I swear to you that if they are reasonable to me, I’ll be reasonable to them.’ Then he closed the door without asking Carl if he wanted to join him like he usually did.  
The teen sighed and turned over, uncharacteristically still tired. He closed his eyes while the water ran and Negan started to sing something about ‘My darlin’ Clementine’. Negan had quite a strong, deep voice that held the melody well but something about it grated on Carl today.   
Why the hell am I so tired? The bits and pieces from the night before started coming back to him. Negan holding him and rocking him, telling not to be scared of his daddy.   
Did that really happen? It all seems like a bad dream. Shit – did I sleepwalk again last night? Hope I didn’t do anything stupid or dangerous.   
Does it matter?  
It doesn’t. ‘Cos I ain’t scared of Rick the Prick, the Dick. He laughed out loud at that nice little rhyme they’d come up with which was also his safeword although he’d barely needed to use it lately.  
‘Sides, Negan won’t let him hurt me. He said so even though I’m not scared of him anymore.   
Yet he shivered.  
Still scared of Daddy?  
Fuck you, Rick.   
Then why was his heart beating so hard in his chest at the thought of facing the man who he should be missing, should have rejoiced at being reunited with again? Who should have loved him, protected him unconditionally?  
…  
‘Come on.’ A couple of hours later, the big man side-hugged him and kissed his cheek when their truck rumbled to a stop.  
‘Ew! Get off me!’ Carl groused. He never liked affection in front of the Saviours – particularly Negan’s men. Although he secretly loved it in in the bedroom.  
His boyfriend obliged but not without laughing good-naturedly first.   
They arrived, flanked by Old Faithful – in other words Dwight and a few other Council Members and Negan’s bodyguards.  
‘Where is Rick!’ Negan immediately started yelling and got out, skipping the niceties after he slammed the truck door. Carl couldn’t help flinching.   
But the Leader didn’t notice. Meanwhile, Carl’s old group started rushing around.  
‘Get the tribute! He’s here!’ Someone yelled. Negan grinned approvingly at the appropriate panic in their voice.   
Rick arrived on the run quickly with Michonne and his son noticed how thin he’d got. Has he been eating? Carl was surprised that he still cared.   
‘Come on, out. No need to be shy, son.’ Negan drew Carl out of the truck where he’d been hanging back, reluctant to get out. ‘Don’t you want to see ya Daddy?’  
‘Carl!’ Michonne and Carol breathed at exactly the same time. ‘Did he hurt you? Is your sister OK?’  
Meanwhile Carol glared at Negan with a hard expression while he merely smiled that infuriating smug grin of his.   
Carl didn’t answer. What could he say?  
‘Did you hurt my boy?’ Now it was Rick’s turn.  
‘Do I hurt you, baby?’ Negan reached out and stroked his cheek which immediately flushed. ‘Well, answer them.’  
Carl drew back, embarrassed in front of them, especially his father. Worse - now he saw them face to face again, he felt like a traitor. Carol looked away in disgust at this distasteful display and he immediately felt that old, familiar shame and doubt but Michonne and his father steely looked on. He could sense how they struggled to restrain themselves even from where he was.   
Especially his father.   
But none of it showed on their faces.  
‘Tell ‘em.’ His former captor insisted, giving him a little push. ‘Don’t be shy.’ He leered comically at him.   
Don’t touch him, Rick thought but didn’t say. But his tell-a-tale fists clenched by his sides as did his teeth.   
Yet his son bravely refused to do what Negan ordered.   
‘Tell ‘em!’ Negan growled at him, grabbing his arm and shoving him more roughly this time in between them.  
‘Get off me!’ Carl’s blush deepened even more then as he shoved him off angrily. Then, full of apprehension, he looked back at Negan again with hooded eyes.  
But the big man only laughed. ‘He’s got spirit, I’ll give him that.’ He ruffled his young boyfriend’s hair. Carl only growled in return.  
‘Come to me, son.’ Rick ordered but he refused to move. Instead, without realising it, he shrank back closer to his boyfriend who didn’t waste the opportunity to put an arm around him.   
The others looked on in shock when he did that and the teen didn’t struggle to get away.  
‘Carl…what did he do to you?’ Michonne asked, head shaking in concern. Groomed and brainwashed you, clearly. And after Merle…you were an easy target, you poor boy.   
‘Oh, I’m hurt!’ Negan put on a hangdog expression of insulted surprise but then laughed like a loon.   
But Carol’s eyes were narrow as she took it all in. The teen’s strange body language. The way he moved away from his father towards his captor and torturer and more than that, didn’t seem to dislike Negan’s arm around him.  
‘We got your tribute.’ Rick announced as it was brought in by two new group members and more familiar others who Carl didn’t recognise, one a young, sandy-coloured haired man in his twenties, in a large bamboo container. Countless bags and boxes followed of everything demanded plus a few extras on Rick’s orders. There had been plenty of grumbles about that.   
Dwight’s eyes opened in surprise. ‘Lord, that’s double….’  
‘Quiet.’ Negan snapped.   
‘Yeah - look at what we got you. Even threw in a few extra goodies to show our good will and co-operation.’ Rick eagerly ran to the largest sack and opened it, revealing the numerous soup and vegetable cans and packets, still all within date and ignored the guns trained on him and his people.   
‘5 extra bottles of gin, 2 of vodka – the best stuff scavenged on a run nearby.’ Rick listed after Negan motioned Dwight to check the goods. ‘Plus, double on staples such as pasta, rice and dried pork (the Kingdom had kindly given them extra pigs to give to Negan but the group knew better than to eat those pigs themselves).’   
Dwight nodded after he’d checked the large bamboo crate. ‘He’s tellin’ the truth, my Lord. It’s all there.’   
‘Now give me back my...’ Rick started to demand but luckily was interrupted.   
‘Where are the others?’ Carl innocently asked his father before Negan could get angry and reply.   
‘Yeah, where are they?’ Negan pounced on this with a smile that showed his teeth. ‘Hope you ain’t plannin’ a little coup against me, Rick. You’d be wastin’ ya time. Don’t want to see an unnecessary waste of life, not to say free scavengers this good, even from your group.’  
Michonne and her lover managed to maintain their stubborn poker faces.  
‘Me neither.’ Rick answered.   
Carol piped up then. ‘The weather’s good and they’re out planting seeds. Spring’s nearly here and…and…’  
Negan heard her but advanced on their fearless leader. He scowled and then pressed Lucille against Rick’s chest.  
‘Negan, no! You promised!’   
‘Stop it!’ The other group members who were there echoed Carl’s words.  
‘Shut up, boy. Otherwise I’ll fuck you every which way till you bleed later.’  
Rick flinched but not because he had had a barbed baseball bat sticking its spines into his chest. ‘You sick, fuckin’…You’ve had ya fun with him – just let him go now!’  
Again, only Carol noticed how the teenager reacted to that threat. Even that a small smile of excitement curled around his lips until he forgot to be scared of Negan. ‘No, please don’t hurt me… I’ll do what you want! Jus’ leave my dad alone!’  
‘You still care..?’ Negan faltered and took back his bat and looked at him in surprise. He also forgotten himself.  
Michonne and Carol exchanged strange looks.  
‘We got you the tribute – more than. Now give me back my son.’ Rick persisted, unintimidated.  
Negan threw his head back and laughed throatily. ‘Look at the big man –givin’ me orders like a fuckin’ broken record.’ He mocked. ‘Who does he think he is?’  
Then he grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and shook the wasted man like a puppy who had piddled all over the floor. To the deliberate humiliation of the leader in front of his crew.  
Carl ran forward. ‘Stop, Negan!’ But he was ignored. The others looked on in silent shock.   
‘No, ain’t gonna let him go. ‘Cos’ I’m enjoyin’ your sweet son too much.’ The dominant man hissed in his ear so that the others couldn’t hear. Rick snarled at that and fought him.  
‘What did you do to him?’ He whispered in horror, not for the first time.  
‘Nothin’ that you didn’t do to him first.’ Negan hissed back so that the others wouldn’t hear.   
Rick growled and resumed his struggles. All frustratingly to no avail.  
‘Now, now.’ Negan crooned and tapped him warningly with Lucille. ‘Remember how I punished you last time. So, be a good boy.’ He told Rick as he slung a brawny arm around the uncomfortable man who after last time, didn’t dare to protest.   
The hapless leader bristled with rage but managed to control himself for the sake of his people.   
‘Dwight – organise the inventory-taking before you load up while I go talk to Ricky-boy.’  
‘Come on, baby.’ Negan motioned for his boyfriend to follow them. ‘Let’s talk in private.’   
Rick suddenly stiffened under his arm while Carol muttered under her breath, ‘Don’t call him that.’ Yet he doesn’t seem scared of the bastard ….   
‘Don’t need to air our dirty laundry in public, now do we?’ Negan continued to mock the father. ‘Specially not yours.’  
‘Rick – I’m comin’ with you.’ Michonne had put a foot forward, automatically and fruitlessly reaching for her Japanese sword behind her like she did numerous times a day.  
But it was gone.   
She never learned.  
‘Don’t, Michonne. I’ll be OK – Carl’s with us.’ Rick told her.  
‘Yeah, sister. Do what the big man says – we got private family business to discuss.’ Negan smirked.  
Carol and Michonne frowned.   
‘You’re sick, you know that?’ Carol yelled after them but only when they were out of earshot. ‘I can’t take much more of that disgustin’ man and his crew. Stealin’ our stuff, threatenin’ us…and… and…doin’ God knows what to that poor boy.’ She added when she was sure the enemy weren’t listening. She was literally shaking with revulsion and rage.  
‘That’s why we need to follow through the plan as soon as we’re ready.’ Michonne whispered back. ‘Jus’ play it cool, OK?’  
Carol shook her head. ‘But it’s weird how...Never mind.’  
‘Bastard’s brainwashed him. He’s confused, poor boy.’ Michonne understood immediately and squeezed her shoulder. ‘Just think about when we’ve got rid of Negan and the Saviours…we can rebuild our lives with our allies like the Kingdom and the Alexandrians. They’ll be grateful to us for freeing them.’  
Carol smiled but her shoulders were slumped. She didn’t believe in pipedreams, not after her daughter was killed. Her husband had been attacked by the Walkers too but when he’d gone, she’d felt only a deep sense of relief, no grief, not even sorrow. Ed had been an abusive bastard just like Daryl’s father. Daryl had been scarred physically as well as mentally by Will Dixon and she’d been making progress with him – helping him to heal - but then he had refused to believe what he saw as lies about his evil brother. It was natural, she supposed. Merle had been his only surviving family member.   
Poor Carl. Why does it keep happening to him? These sick men…  
Thinking of the absent Daryl and everything Carl had been through made her want to cry but she forced herself to push the emotions away. She prayed that the younger Dixon was still alive but couldn’t care less about his big brother - the pervert who had molested Carl although they’d both accused Rick.   
Merle brainwashed and controlled Daryl just like Negan does to Carl. Maybe even abused him that way when they were kids but she still didn’t believe he had done that.   
Not to Daryl. Not him.   
Merle had been a violent, racist thug but he would never hurt Daryl. He loved him too much.  
Or maybe he did because precisely because he loved him too much? That question alone made her want to retch.  
But deep-down Carol didn’t think so. Daryl had definitely been physically and most likely psychologically abused (hence his lack of self-esteem and confidence at the beginning) by their father but nothing sexual as far as she could make out. His dislike of being touched by most people seemed to stem from the physical abuse only.  
At least she prayed that he hadn’t been more than physical.   
Still, she kept her thoughts to herself. She had her secrets that she didn’t share – not even with Rick or Michonne.   
Carol hugged herself.   
…….  
‘We’ll go to your tent, hey, Rick?’ Negan still had a tight grip of him and the hapless man could only nod while Carl followed with Negan’s two bodyguards at a distance. ‘I know why you put it there so far away from the group. So that you can play ya dirty secret little games with ya own son, ya sick fuck.’  
‘Negan…ya ain’t gonna hurt him again, are ya? I’ll never forgive you if you do.’ The boy interrupted as if on purpose.  
Rick cocked an ear at that in surprise. Why is Carl tryin’ to protect me? And he don’t speak like a victim…’I’ll never forgive you if you do?’ Sounds like a threat between equals.   
‘Lookee that. Boy still loves you but fuck knows why after what you did to him.’  
Then to Carl, ‘Told ya already I can’t promise that, son.’  
By then, they’d reached their destination.   
‘Unzip it.’ Negan ordered Carl then shoved his father inside. He waited for Carl to enter and closed the flap behind them, then he deliberately sat in front of the entrance.  
‘Any funny business and I’ll gut you like the hog you are in front of your people.’ He threatened the other leader in all deadly earnestness.  
‘No!’ Carl protested.  
Negan raised an eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. ‘Nobody better be listenin’ – more for your sake than mine, Rick. Come here, Carl.’  
The boy went to him, unusually reluctant but Negan guessed that it was because of who they were with. But he didn’t care about that.  
Carl sat next to him, cross-legged demurely, facing his father.  
‘No, Carl.’ Negan instructed him patiently in his teacher voice. ‘Here.’ He pointed to his lap.  
The boy looked at him in shock.  
‘Come on. It’s OK.’  
Carl smirked then when he realised how he could make his Dad mad. I ain’t yours.   
The boy deliberately placed himself in his boyfriend’s lap. Negan also smirked at Rick as he wrapped his arms around his son.   
Rick lips twitched but otherwise he controlled his expression well, Negan observed detachedly.   
Carl, for his part, leaned back against the other man and eye-balled his father mercilessly with a questioning, mocking expression. Clearly comfortable.   
‘We’ve got somethin’ to tell you Rick. Sorry, I didn’t ask for your approval before we …(he was going to say ‘fucked’ but changed his mind, thinking it would be better if he stayed respectful in front of the boy)… got together but you know…’ He said with mock shyness and shrugged his shoulders.   
‘You sick son-of-a bitch. He’s mine !’ Rick launched himself as far as he could within the tent and tried to drag Carl off him.   
‘No!’ The boy resisted and kicked out at him. Refused his own father!  
‘Get him off me!’ Carl protested none too quietly and Rick withdrew, worried that someone might hear.   
Negan shushed the distressed boy. ‘Sh…Said I won’t let him hurt you.’ He petted his hair. ‘It’s OK.’  
Rick looked on in rageful jealousy.   
‘You dare look at me like that after what you did?’  
Carl whimpered and turned his head into the bigger man’s chest. Negan soothed him awhile, glaring at his nemesis as he did so. He couldn’t fathom the other’s talent for self-denial.  
Yet Rick said nothing, his cold, hard expression giving nothing away. Only his icy, blue eyes were full of fury and jealously before he spoke  
‘You groomed him. It’s still abuse. He’s 16 – an underage minor for fuck’s sake and you’re pushin’ 50 if you aren’t there yet.’  
Negan almost gave him a double take in his disbelief. ‘’Scuse me?’ If Carl weren’t here and I had this sick bastard somewhere private, like in the woods – I’d …I’d…  
He shoved the oblivious Carl off him and put his hands around Rick’s throat and choked the emaciated man who tried to weakly resist him. However, he was no match for Negan.  
‘Don’t kill him!’ Now the boy was aware and scrabbled to try and pull his hands away from his father but to no avail.   
‘You keep this up and maybe I’ll drag you in front of your people myself and let them see what I wrote on you. Have Carl tell them what you are and what you did to him. I’ll seem like an angel compared to you.’ Negan threatened.  
‘You…you wouldn’t…’ Rick gasped.  
‘Try me.’ He released him suddenly with disgust as if his hands were burning. The other man clutched at the red marks around his neck and drew in deep, torturous shuddery breaths.   
‘Come here.’ Negan ordered Carl again.   
The boy shook his head. ‘You jus’ tried to choke my Dad!’  
‘He ain’t ya Daddy no more. I am.’ He smirked at the furious Rick.  
‘No, you ain’t!’  
‘I am.’ I said, ‘Come here!’  
Carl reluctantly went back and obediently climbed into his lap once more.   
‘I ain’t gonna hurt you. Don’t be scared.’ The man whispered in his ear and nuzzled his throat, rocking him as far as the limited space would allow.   
‘Not like him. Never like him.’ He looked at the still father sitting trapped, opposite him in revulsion.   
Carl felt his resistance and his anger at the man weakening as his more experienced lover lay a trail of kisses down his throat. Nibbling his skin before he was about to slip his hands under his T-shirt.  
Right in front of his Rick! Carl did his best to hide his arousal from his father until he could take it no more.  
‘No, stop!’ He pushed Negan away and got off him.   
‘Fine.’ Negan chuckled, a cheeky twinkle in his eye. ‘Then do something else useful. Go and see if Dwight and the others have done the stock-taking right and help with the loading.’  
But he seemed reluctant to leave. ‘You won’t hurt him while I’m gone?’ His eyes swept over the father he hated. Rick kept his face impassive.  
Negan rolled his eyes and sighed. ‘No. Not if plays along.’  
Rick sighed. ‘Go, Carl. It’ll be OK. Jus’ gonna talk shop – it’s borin’.’  
‘But I wanna stay…’ He whined like a small child, petulantly (deliberately?) pouting his lower lip at Negan, legs apart with his hands on his hips. It usually got him what he wanted from the man but not this time.  
Rick looked away in disgust. What has he turned you into, son? Oh, my poor boy.   
‘Go! We’ll only be a few more minutes. Like Rick said, jus’ gonna have a chat with my buddy here.’  
Carl ran to obey. ‘You better not do nothin’ to my Dad!’, was his angry, passing shot before scrambled out of the tent. Nodded at the shocked guards Negan had placed there before he went to do his duty.  
….  
Finally alone, Negan grinned shark-like at his enemy who he once-upon-time used to respect as an equal.   
Not anymore.  
‘Let’s get down to business so I can get back to playtime with your boy as soon as possible.’  
‘Bastard.’ Rick finally reacted to that. ’You’re disgustin’.’ He hissed at him.  
Negan raised his fist and swung at him, missing his face by mere inches.   
Rick didn’t blink.  
The big, leather-clad man chuckled and leaned back. ‘You know, I gave him the choice to come back and live with you. Bring the little one with him too.’  
‘And..?’  
‘He refused. Never asked about her, did you? Oh well. See – he was too scared – not for himself – of what his Daddy might do to her when she’s older. He knows you don’t think of her as hers and if you could do it to him, well…’ Negan raised his hands in mock helplessness.   
‘Ya lyin’.’  
Negan shook his head.   
‘Now, let’s get down to business. I’m very impressed with what you people managed to rustle up for us today. They couldn’t have thanked you for it. All in vain hope that you’d get your son back who doesn’t want you jus’ so you can go back to rapin’ him (Rick involuntarily flinched). Still, I know now what you people can do for us. So, I’m upping the stakes. I want even more next time. At least double on some stuff. Within the same time – 1 week.’  
Rick breathed out a deep sigh of horror, unaware that the worst was yet to come. ‘You can’t.’  
‘In fact, I’ll tell Dwight to add it to your list before I go – jus’ so we’re all crystal clear.’ Negan’s tone was upbeat.   
‘You sneaky son-of-a-bitch.’  
‘You should thank me. Didn’t demand your people come back so I could head-count them and check they’re not hoarding weapons, did I? Who are those new ones who brought in my tribute? I trust you to hold your side of the bargain otherwise you know what’ll I do. I’ll expose you for what you are and I’ll make Carl help me. Then see how much they respect you after that.’  
‘Carl’ll never agree to tell them and without him, they’ll never believe you.’ Boy’s too ashamed and still loves me, deep-down.  
‘He will after I’ve worked him over.’  
How? Rick said nothing but his eyes glittered with fury.   
‘Got one last thing to add to the list. Find me a willin’ woman, will ya? Like that sexy black chick. Name’s Michonne, right? But if she don’t want to, make sure you send someone else. No disrespect to my wives, but I’m gettin’ a little bored with those ladies, beautiful and sexy as they are. Lookin’ for a little spice in my life – a little variation and she would add some color to my collection.’  
He guffawed at his own tasteless joke.  
Rick glared at him, no honouring this with a reply. Wondering if it was just a twisted jibe or was Negan deadly serious? Does he know about me and her? Why pick her out then? I’ll think we’ll make our move earlier than planned. Can’t stand this arrogant, greedy schmuck much longer.  
As if reading his thoughts, Negan suddenly launched at himself at the other man with no warning, feeling that he need a small reminder of how powerless he actually was. He whaled on the weaker male and yanked down his jeans. Don’t even have to unbuckle his belt – they just slip off, he thought mirthlessly. Fucker’s not eatin’ – that or he’s ill – hopefully the latter then his kids would be free. Terminal cancer would be too good for the likes of him.  
Rick’s breath came out in rapid, desperate puffs as Negan pulled down his pants. But he didn’t beg or plead for mercy to his credit.  
‘Think you need another reminder of just how really nothin’ you are.’  
Negan took the knife from its sheath on his lower calf. Pressed the tip against Rick’s buttocks where he could clearly see the hip-bones jut out, along with his bony buttocks. Hardly go no fat on him. Must hurt to sit down with no padding. But Negan didn’t feel sorry for him.   
Deserves everythin’ he gets. From the first time he put his hands on his boy.  
He nicked Rick’s skin.   
‘No, please…’  
‘You ain’t worth it.’ Negan spat at him and got off him. ‘But I won’t jus’ cut you - I’ll flay the skin from you with this knife and make your group watch if you cross me again or don’t give me what I want.’  
Rick, for his part, pulled up his pants and curled up into a ball and sobbed. Negan resisted the urge to kick him hard. I promised Carl.  
‘Good. Glad we understand each other.’ The Saviour got up.   
‘Make sure you have all the extra tribute for next time, plus a girl to give me when I come back. And I’ll do what the hell I want with your son as long as he’s willin’. Don’t need your say-so.’  
Rick seemed like he was barely listening, caught up in his pain but he nodded.  
‘Yes. OK.’  
Negan kicked him with his boot but not that hard. But Rick flinched and cowered away, his sobs becoming more exaggerated and desperate by the second.  
‘Yes, OK, what?’  
‘Yes, my Lord.’   
Negan smirked. ‘I’d insist you kneel but you’re already grovelling on the ground.’ 

He put the dagger back around his leg and strode out, not bothering to do up the tent zip. He figured that letting the other group find their leader in that state would demoralize them – make them easier to control.   
‘Let’s get the hell out of here.’ He said to the heavies who had been guarding him.   
They immediately followed him.   
‘Carl!’  
….


End file.
